No, he hasn't truly owned up to it. He has said it was wrong and shouldn't have happened.. He has said it was never meant to happen.. but he has been known to put the blame on me for his A.. saying that I caused it by not treating him like a man and giving him what he needed (emotionally/sexually)
One thing that I keep thinking about too.. is that he hasn't mentioned D... only separation/space. In our convo yesterday, he said that he needed space.. wanted to perhaps feel what it was like to not have me around.. to perhaps know what he has..
I don't want to jinx myself and I most certainly don't want falso hope or to have hope for anything with regards to our R right now.. I can't.. the letdown is too much to bear. Look at me now.. I don't want to feel like this.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
One thing that I keep thinking about too.. is that he hasn't mentioned D... only separation/space.
Space, the final frontier. Wish Captain Kirk good luck on his journey to go where many men have gone before him.
Sorry for the sarcasm. He wants to experiment with not being committed to his family and M. OK. So there it is. You can't expect anything from him: that is what he is telling you.
Only you know what you are willing to put up with. I'd be looking into plan B if I were you: what steps do you need to take to get your own life in order?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 05/18/1004:19 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
We've been through this before TH. He is a wayward.. goes back and forth. He needs space, I give it; focus on myself; GAL; be get strong, then he comes back wanting to R. Wait a little while and then if I bring something up to him (nag or b!tch as he puts it), he starts in with the whole "I'm done" BS. it's like he has temper tantrums.
I definitely messed this up. I won't lie about that. I kept backsliding and getting comfortable in the fact that he was back.. rather than continuing as I should have..
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I'm at work, so I don't have much time, but I HAVE to say this: PLEASE try not to beat yourself up. I had to forgive myself of what I felt was my part in the downfall of the M and move on. There is NOTHING you can do about it now. You can only move on from here & start making the changes you feel necessary. I know how hard it is not to keep saying "if only . . . " but it's fruitless! It will only make you feel worse and it's truly a waste of time. Please keep that in mind.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
PLEASE try not to beat yourself up. I had to forgive myself of what I felt was my part in the downfall of the M and move on. There is NOTHING you can do about it now. You can only move on from here & start making the changes you feel necessary. I know how hard it is not to keep saying "if only . . . " but it's fruitless!
Amen.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 05/18/1004:46 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
We've been through this before TH. He is a wayward.. goes back and forth. He needs space, I give it; focus on myself; GAL; be get strong, then he comes back wanting to R. Wait a little while and then if I bring something up to him (nag or b!tch as he puts it), he starts in with the whole "I'm done" BS. it's like he has temper tantrums.
I definitely messed this up. I won't lie about that. I kept backsliding and getting comfortable in the fact that he was back.. rather than continuing as I should have..
You don't have to look at this like you messed up. Each of these times were what you needed to keep learning about what is working and what isn't. In other words they where opportunities.
After reading/scanning through your thread the other day, I think you are being too hard on yourself. But, I agree with PG that it's good for you to let this out, cry and vent. Just remember you are not stupid, and treat yourself good!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
You don't have to look at this like you messed up. Each of these times were what you needed to keep learning about what is working and what isn't. In other words they where opportunities.
Oh very true. This is so important to remember. I like Red's and TimeHeal's advice too - excellent insights!
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Just remember you are not stupid, and treat yourself good!
Amen to that too! Big hugs and support to you Time. Thinking good, healing thoughts for you.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
