You are doing a good job analyzing your husbands confused state.
However, this is much better:
Originally Posted By: time
I feel like I just need to step back and just worry about me now and my kids.
You can spend a lot of time guessing what is going on with your H, but in the end you need to spend that time on yourself.
I understand. Even now, I wonder what-in-the-world is going on with my wife, and how did she turn into this alien woman. Seven months ago we were the kind of best friends that were meant to be married...I thought. So, I've spent a lot of time trying to understand her, trying to figure out what went wrong, how I can fix it all. And believe me, I wanted to fix it and fix it NOW. However, looking back I wish I had spent more time working on myself. I was GAL'ing, but the drama of my situation would often pull me away from what I needed to be doing.
Like you said, let him figure it out on his own. Hang in there.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Oh, I know what that's like: "not sure what more I can do". Just hang in there, time, trust that it will better over time. You know you've got the best nick.
Can you do something for just yourself tonight?
(((timehealsall)))
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Just be nice and friendly and enforce healthy boundaries if you have to do that. In short, show some class and grace, hope things go smoothly, and if they do not just face that calmly.
It's not really worth getting to riled up at this point, is it?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I'm trying....I came home last night. Had dinner with the kids and MIL (she is here through the end of this weekend).
We all watched a movie and then kids went to bed and MIL left. H came to bed and we watched tv and chatted.
He really wants out. He says he doesn't want to be with me. Isn't in love with me. That he'll sit the kids down and tell them we aren't going to be living together anymore. That just cut through me. Kept telling me that I'll find someone else and forget about him and find someone with money. He even went back to the resentment part of him and throwing things I did to him back in his face. He totally doesn't trust me. I have never done anything to betray him. He said he isn't happy and that he can't continue doing this for the kids because he is miserable.
So, that's where we are at.
Not sure when he is planning on moving out. But how can I stay in this house? I know it's the best thing for the kids but how can I go on with my life? he said he'll come over in the mornings and do what he has to do to take care of the kids and do his part. Doesn't he realize that it's not that easy?
I hate this. I hate him for doing this to them. Even typing that makes the tears spill because all I see are those 3 beautiful faces and feel horrible that I put them in this situation, or at least contributed to it.
hugs to all
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
That doesn't mean you push it (and him) along. It just means that you have to start thinking about what small things you will have to do if it does happen and begin preparing yourself for that new life.
My STBXW I have only been seperated 3 days, and that part of detaching is much clearer to me now. I know it seems impossible while you still see each other and each others' families, but looking back, I can say the only thing stopping me from thinking the way I do now back before the seperation was me.
You obviously had some R talk, and I am guessing you had your own opinions about the R, and that only hardened his resolve. I am also guessing that you asked him to think about the kids in this talk you had, but if your H had your kids at the top of his priority list right now, then you wouldn't be having that kind of talk in the first place.
Please correct me if I am reading between the lines too much.
As for you staying in the house, I suppose you can do that until you cannot afford to do it anymore. You might explore living arrangement options nearby so you kids can stay in the same schools (I need to re-read your thread to get more info on your current living arrangments and financial situation).
As for trust, that isn't going to return while you two are stuck covering the same ground.
For example, my W. has moved out, and trust isn't an issue anymore. Now, if she were to appear and say she wanted to move back in, then trust would be more of an issue. I doubt that is going to happen, so it simply isn't an issue at all.
As for your guilt about the children. What is important is that you be a good mother no matter what happens. Life can be challenging sometimes, and you are an example of how to face life's challenges to your children, so how you deal with things is what is most important. Resolve to do the right thing no matter what and to be a good person.
The best time to start being a better person is always right now.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 05/18/1001:55 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
