Hang in there Ali, my neighbors on either side went thru the same thing. Both were successful. Both had "help", as did I. I was extremely needle-shy most of my life...you may find that you adjust to the being "messed with," & your tolerance is increased.
Sending positive thoughts your way...it helped my neighbor (not that I can take full credit;)
Keep trying Al. It only takes a second to happen. But you may need many seconds of...preparation. In Greece docs give at least a year to couples before talking about "help". Keep your thoughts positive. Stress is a big no no in this situations. Hugs K
THanks girls, that helps. I guess theres more of it about than you realise as people normally keep it quiet! Yes its the same here K, minimum year and some places 2-3 before they will help. We fibbed and said we had been trying for ages ! We didnt mention we had been apart.
Its probably best I'm not pg yet, I wouldnt want to be vomming at my wedding !!
If you remember I needed help with the first 3(#4 was a surprise). I used Clomid so other than blood work no needles. Because it was taking longer with # 2 they did inject a dye in my Fallopian tubes to see if their was a blockage. Shortly after pg with #2. It will happen. Focus on the wedding now and enjoy it since it is just a couple of months away.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Kat, yes I am having the dye injection next week, I'm dreading it in case I get an infection (our hospital here is in top 3 worst in England!). My progesterone has been fine so they havent said I need Clomid.
My hair has been falling out again. My iron/thyroid/prolactin are all ok now. I had another very bad dream about Helen last night. I've had some stinkers since we saw her those 2 times. I read that hair falls out a few months after a stressful event/time. BF reminded me last week how worried he was about me when we saw her as I was literally shaking like a leaf half the evening, had a dry mouth and felt very stressed, full on fight or flight mode, it was amazing the physical reaction I had to seeing her. I havent shook like that since the engines powered down banking hard over Las Vegas in 2000 (I thought the plane had stalled !!!). I wonder if this has caused my hair to fall out - the shock of being confronted with her.
I'm still processing seeing her those times - she has become this almost mythical, impressive, s&xy creature in my mind. He is done with her whereas I am rapidly putting her on a pedestal !!
I need to talk to him again about this, as he just doesnt understand my paranoia about her. He thinks we are getting M, so its all in the past and means nothing now. But I am also being very appreciative and 'loved up' - I spring through the door and jump into his arms - literally! and shower him with kisses. I tell him he looks sexy/handsome. He told me he LOVES that I am like this with him. Loves it. And so he reciprocates.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I don't know because I am not in your place but I would say only worry about her if he gives you cause to worry. As far as I can see he has no contact with her, ignores her when he does see her and is marrying you. Sorry to be blunt Al
Hi Julia! I dont worry about her perse, I know he is done and theres NO way he would leave again, or change his mind and want her back....It just that I had never met her before, she was this person everyone told me was no competition, he had no chemistry with, she was annoying, loud, it wouldnt last, blah blah (the story of her downing a bottle of beer at the traffic lights was classic). So I 'dismissed' her in my mind.
But having seen her.. she smiles alot, she's confident, vivacious, has long dark lovely hair, a good figure (bit fatter than me) yes loud...but all these things to me seem.. exciting, edgy, seductive!
I emailed him and told him "its built up into this mythical creature in my mind and something to be afraid of, whether I match up. I know its ridiculous. I just feel reduced, minimised, small.."
He replied "its not ridiculous to feel that way but that doesn’t mean there is any substance to it. In my eyes you are the opposite of all those things you feel, you are bigger and better than anyone I know. And I love you!"
Hon, you said it yourself...in your eyes not his. Did you ever think she is acting that way in front of both of you to try to get his attention? She is probably just as insecure as the rest of us mere mortals. Put it to rest. He is marrying you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yes I thought that too Kat, if I were in her shoes, I would want to 'put on a show', I am sure.
The better things get, the more upset I get about the past. We are doing our wedding music, songs that matter to us, songs I listened to when he went NC the second time. Theres one lyric in a special song "and I wonder where you are now".
I remember listening to that and crying and crying, when he was seeing Helen and I didnt even know where he was, or where he was living. How he spent his time, with her.
We all have our wounds from these sitches and for me, it was that - it was incomprehensible that this person who I was so close to for 12 years could stop all contact with me and I didnt even know where he lived.
We have talked alot, but theres alot we havent talked about. That summer when he stopped contact and started seeing her and left me to find out from his friends and then deal with our tenants and rerenting our house without so much as a text message even. It just feels so cruel and yet, this is the man who lies beside me every day? Explaining it here makes me realise how upset I am, in fact.
And I dont really buy that it was because he was in a terrible state/depressed/bad place - he had just started a new relationship !! He admitted to me that it was new and different and he thought he was happy with her in the beginning. I also am having trouble forgetting the photos I sadly saw. The ones of her tousled and smiling contentdly in bed, where he had taken photos from the foot of the bed, seem to be emblazoned on my mind. I keep saying... but you must have loved her, or had amazing s*x to have been inspired to jump out of bed and take her picture afterwards...Now we are so ok.. that just kills me.
Theres me asking K to work on letting it go and of course I need to also! I dont say much to bf about it and there is no way I would leave him of course. Its just a difficult time, a last bit of processing maybe.
I guess I feel under quite a bit of stress trying to 'forget', maybe thats why my hair is falling out !!
Don't be hard on yourself. He put you through a lot, it is going to take time to process. I think rather than trying to forget it, which is very difficult, you should just try and focus on the future. I always like to think of moving forward rather than forgetting and moving on. That period is an important part of your past, you wouldn't be where you are now without it.
