Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Journal Entry.

W drops kids off today and I thought it was going to snow in the house it was so cold.

I think tomorrow's meeting is going to show me she definitely wants out. But we see, it will give me an opportunity to learn more about her feelings.

I'll post an update tomorrow afternoon.
Any last minute advice?

[beingreal]

None. I just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you & hoping that this all turns out the way it is supposed to.

Be strong...

[gr8 day 2B alive]

OK,
meeting adjourned.

Sat down with W and I let her talk first. She opens buy talking about kids school and that she feels they should go to school near her. Which led into she would want to have them
M-F.
Wasn't to happy about this so I said I would think about it.

Then the division of assets.
This went OK, we pretty much divided our investments/debts and I mentioned the inheritance money I recieved was not part f the division and she agreed, which shows me see did her research or LC. I then mention since her name is on the mortgage and I have been paying it for the past 8 months that she owed her half and she agreed to that.

Then R talk happened, she feel I was putting things in her face so I asked her what she meant by that.
She says I heard you were saying to people I was seeing someone. I told her that wasn't true, I NEVER said that, what I said was I would be surprised if you were seeing someone. Then proceeded to say I don't know who you go out with and it's none of my business.
Then she bring up the dating site saying I clicked on her friend. I did just to see her profile. Well since I was new I didn't realize members can see everyone who clicks on their profile andI told her the same thing.
I was doing go their to put this in her face, I went there to check things out.

Then stuff from before came up. She said she hasn't forgiven about the loneliness. Then she brings up that she feels like we had this convosation 5 time before.
She knows of all the changes I made and acknowledged them.
SHe also took blame for her part in the R. I thank her for admitting that.

Other stuff was said but it essentially came down to her saying that it takes two peole to want to make R work.
Then she saids I need to want to be with you. Then adds I DON"T want to be with you. I asked if she want a D and she says yes.
I ask do you think this is the best thing to do? Again YES.

So I say I just want you to be happy so if this is what you want then let's do it.

So all my efforts to save M and improve myself has not been successful. But now I know where I stand and that is by myself and enjoying my new improved outlook on life.

I will take all I've learned from this process to continue to better myself and grow as a person. I may not have saved my M but I saved myself.

Now I know some direction for my life.

thank you all for following and advising on my sitch.

I will contine to post as more legal stuff comes up.

GR8

[SMM23]

WOW...I SOOO see this exact conversation happening with my W. My thoughts are with you!!! I totally understand and would not be surprised if I hear a carbon copy of these words in the near future. Hope you are OK, I do not know how I will be able to deal with it.

But do not forget the changes you made in yourself are for YOU!!! Not her. As I have seen so many times on here, you improve yourself for that very reason. But also with the hopes that it helps in reconnecting with W. So take your changes and keep going. If you end up in a D, then take your changes and keep helping yourself. If some day you want to get into a new R, then it will help there.

Good Luck man!!!

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks SMM23,

I have no regrets on what I did to save M. I am proud of myself for making the changes for me and although I would have liked to reconcile, I am OK with the decision. The help I received here ans from IC and DB coaches of made me a better and stronger person.

When I decide to get into another R I now have the tools I need to be successful.

Closure is a good thing, no more limboland.

[beingreal]

(((gr8)))

I know this didn't the way you had hoped, but I'm glad you are finding some peace with it.

I will take all I've learned from this process to continue to better myself and grow as a person. I may not have saved my M but I saved myself.

THIS is what makes your future bright & wide open.

Please keep us posted on how it's going.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

During meeting W asked if she could have kids M-F and I'll have them on the weekends. How Convenient.
I said I would think about it and I did. I emailed her back saying that we should split the kids 50/50. That's what we do now. D5 will be going to school in fall so W thought it would be best for her to goto school near her since she works second shift and would be able to take them to school.

I said I don't work at night so I would be able to be there for them to do homework and school events.

Anyone have any advice on legal stuff??

What should I be looking for and aware of??

[Glimmerman]

I don't have any advice for you on that stuff, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that divorce is her answer. I know you have prepared yourself for it, but still wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about it.

Your W said she was unable to forgive you on certain things. I feel bad for her on this. When someone can't forgive, my belief is that is harms them more than the person they can't forgive.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks GM

It's not what I wanted but I did expect it.

When someone can't forgive, my belief is that is harms them more than the person they can't forgive.

I agree with this too and was thinking about it this morning driving to work.

She will have a hard time in her next R.

I forgive her for what she has done to me and understand the way she felt.

This has helped me to proceed with my life.

I guess the good news is that I know there are plenty of woman out there and I have learned so much about a healthy R.

I joined that dating website to see what's out there. W thought I was doing it to put it in her face.
She just doesn't get it. It's not about her, it's about me.

It's a good way to meet some nice people. I kno what you're thinking: Don't jump into a R so soon.

I agree, although there's nothing wrong with sharing time with someone with common interests.

Time to regroup & rebuild and focus on the kids, there are going to need more love and attention now. And I know I'm a great father.

I'll update some more about the legal stuff.

[Glimmerman]

Sounds good. I hope all goes well and you will make good decisions.

Even though she has told you what she wants, know that even that can change over time. There are stories about how 6-12 months after a divorce, the spouse who wanted the divorce so bad realizes that EVERY relationship has it's faults and perhaps yours weren't so bad after all.

Not saying that will happen, just saying it does happen.

I come from a Christian perspective, so my belief is that forgiveness is essential to any relationship.