Me and my D13 had a good time. I took her shopping for shorts and then we had pizza.
God Bless Her! It was also our anniversary and she sent me and H a text. She knew the date and was upset cause H didn't offer to help her get me a card for Mother's Day. I told her that just spending time with her was the best present I could get.
Hi Mom and Dad I know Mom you will get this first since we are together and you think that I'm texting one of my friends. LOL But I know today is yours and Daddys anniversary and well I wish u 2 were 2gether 2day. Mom and Dad, I think you listen to people too much. I love the both of u guys. Wish u guys were 2gether. Don't b mad at me but I know u have to still love each other a little n wish u guys wood just talk n be nice 2 each other n not listen to what other people are telling you to do. I don't care what people say. Y do u? Love u both so much. I might only b a kid but i'm not stupid. Happy mothers day mom.
After I read this, I got all filled up inside thinking of the hurt that she is going through.
She said he was cocky to her the night before (Saturday) when his S asked if they could use the computer. H said to him, no I might get in trouble. H was doing this cause of our D13 seeing porn on his computer around a month ago, and I told him to please watch what he had on there cause she is way too young for that stuff. So I guess he was punishing her for telling me.
Then on Sunday morning she said she felt bad for him cause he looked sad and drank a beer at 8:30 in the morning. I feel so bad for her, because she is smack in the middle of H's mess too!
I just told her that is was a beautiful text and thanked her for sharing her feelings and that hopefully Daddy will get better and be there for her more often like he use to be. And that not to worry, I wasn't going anywhere and she was great the rest of the day.
Thanks 25, you are always here for me. And yes, you are right again, no matter what is wrong H I can't do a darn thing about it and not waste anytime on his problems.
Just feel so bad for the kids. They have been through so much and it seems like the last 6 months they are acting out terrible. They are pushing me to my limits.
they will push you unfortnately. But they need you like never before. At one point my then d10 said something like 'If dad loved us he'd be here now" and other times she'd say I was taking out my hurt feelings out on her. She had a point in both comments and I learned from those words, even if they were not totally on point or accurate. It's how she felt.
I told her the truth, and what was MOST important to HER, which was "I will do what I believe will be best for YOUR happiness in the long run" and I meant it. This mattered a lot to her. And you know it's possible a divorce could have been best for her, under some circumstances - but it didn't come to that, thankfully. If it had, I would have gone through with it--meaning, yes I would have divorced her dad, if I were convinced she'd be better off. Our interests are in alignment and as a mother, likely always will be.
I don't know if you get my meaning but the biggest reason I kept trying with my h was b/c of my d's. Not the M itself. And at some point, if my h had continued on in his MLC, or selfishness or whatever it was, I would not have been able to go on much longer nor would I want to. I would want to show myself and my d's that life does go on and that I am a capable woman, a good catch, who does not need a man to make me happy, let alone a man who would carry on badly for too long.
F.Scott Fitzgerald said something like "every man should be able to be an ass once in his life" and I sort of agree. But there comes a time when enough is enough. You must know that you have a line drawn somewhere, and that you really will be alright no matter what. And you must must must project that to your kids. Believe it or not, the irony is that once you actually DO this (not saying it, DOING it) and feel it (fake it til you make it) your kids will feel stronger...and IF THERE'S A CHANCE FOR YOUR M, IF THERE IS, then it's much more likely to happen with this approach. Hence my repeated comments about you GAL and having a PMA and not wallowing in despair.
Reassure your kids that you are NOT going anywhere even if they act out, they can test you all they want, but they're only making themselves miserable and right now, you could use some support FROM them...but again, you are there for them and you always will be. Try to reassure them WHILE also insisting that they make the best of the situation for THEMSELVES as well as for you. But try very very hard NOT to put the responsibility for YOUR happiness onto their shoulders. That's not fair to them and won't work anyhow. Plus, remember that you have to show them that they are in charge of their happiness by being in charge of yours. Sadly it seems that your h is acting out a lot. They see this. Don't enable it. call it like it is and let the cards fall where they may. If I were you, for now, I'd assume your old h is in the Australian bush and is not reachable and won't be for 2 years...so make the best of this time NOW...good luck, j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow 25, that's what my D13 said a few months ago. Mine put in like this, "If Daddy really loved us he would be back by now."
Then she came off with "If Nana and Pop didn't get in the middle he probably would be back but he's listening to them Mom, I just know it. They said that you and Daddy are better off divorced and he listens to them."
She has a lot of questions.
25, you said to assume my old H is in the Australian bush and is not reachable and won't be for 2 years. It has been 18 months, is that how much longer you think he will be out of it for 2 more years? Or is that just so I can detach better?
[u]what oldpilot said [/u]...but imho, despite the 18 months, your h does not sound as if he's through a lot of this IF it's MLC. I'd say 2 more years, IF I HAD TO BET, which I don't, but wth? Forget how long it's been for a minute. See where he IS right now. It ain't close to being ready for a recon and he may never be. But I know 2 couples who div and later remarried. Seems they kind of had to divorce rather than try to "work it out" in a way. I mean I think for them, they had to get the true space of freedom to realize what they could have had. And it took 5 and 8 years for the couples, repectively. Neither couple div with the expectation of a recon. They each changed, and improved and were on their own. Met OPs too.
Down the road, since they were friendly enough to converse (which took a lot of detachment and letting go) the Xhusband in one case and the Xwife in the other, they talked about the kids and events. Milestones, etc. Finally one asked the other if he/she was happier now...and he/she said "not so much happier but at peace" and they realized they had all changed, for the better. They wanted to try again, but took it slowly. Years later, my uncle died of cancer. My aunt (the ex wife turned wife again) was at his side with their children, a real miracle. It happens. But again, detachment and growth on all sides is what that took.
You have not done that. If you did, maybe it would speed things up and make your life better now, OR maybe it would only make your life better now and from now on. Isn't that enough to make it worth really doing? j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
