WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

So I guess I'm not done.. crap.. it would have been easier to be.. But easier has never been me...

I figured out that I'm not done because I was going to send H a copy of the email I sent SIL re: house situation that was a fact by fact detailed description of the dilemma..(she had asked what the urgency in dealing with it all was) and I felt I needed to communicate more to him than what was in that (kinda angry) post.

Not communicate due to neediness, but more like an olive branch thing... to let him know in a way that I don't hate him that it is anger at his choices right now.. One of the problems was that he and I both expected each other to mind read... I have no expectations of anything regarding a reaction from him, in fact he'll probably react negatively or not at all.

I wouldn't have felt bothered to do it if I felt I was "done" I realized afterwards.

Crap.

Looks like I'm still on the rollercoaster, but hopefully I can stay on the platform and watch instead of ride...

[DiamondGirl]

So H emails me back (ccing his sister & OW) basically stating that I am pretty much not allowing him to spend more time with kids... and trying to make it look like he is father of the year material right now... (NOT)

Basically reiterated in reply that I will stop paying the mortgage if he is not willing to sign over his equity. That I would not combine discussions about custody with those about the house. And that I would not pay a L to draft an agreement that I know he won't sign, so I will believe it when I see it. That he should get an agreement for the house and debts only drawn up and sign and notarize it.

I'm not counting on him doing anything at all. Maybe sister will convince him. Or not. I'm planning as if I am going to have to move anyway.

At a friends' house drinking wine and trying to forget that my H is an alien and may not return, and that I may be having to move in a few months while trying to deal with kids...

... working my way to another bottle...

[Mila]

DG - I feel for you I don't know if there is any advice I can offer to help to solve your problem so I'm just going to send you a hug ((((DG))))

Glad that you are with friends...have a second bottle...why not...once in a while doesn't hurt...it will temporarily drown your sorrow.

[DiamondGirl]

Going bowling tonight with strangers (meetup group)...

I don't really want to but I know I have to for me... It would be more comfy to stay home... But then I'd just brood and wonder if H will come to earth long enough to do the right thing... Wasted energy...

Getting dolled up and acting as if seems like such a wasted effort in my current state of mind.... But I'll do it anyway...

And I suck at bowling .... LOL

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Mila,

I did have part of a second bottle.... Luckily no hangover this morning... But I did sleep well! LOL

(((Mila)))

Thank god for yours and everyone else's support on here... I don't know how I'd get through some days without this site...

[job]

DG,
I just love how your h cc'd his sister and the ow. They are not part of the equation here...this business deal is between him and you. What I think he's done is setting the stage to make you look like the bad person here and that he has tried to work w/you.

I know that you are trying to settle up on the issues, but I think you will need to step back and not discuss anything more w/him than you have to. The legalities should be put in your lawyer's arena and allow him to do the work for you. If he wants a draft agreement drawn up, let him do the work for a change.

If at all possible, sit quietly and the answers will come to you. If you are not sure what to do, do nothing for a period of time.

Please take care of yourself.

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Snodderly,

H had no choice but to now include the OW and SIL because I sent the detailed decription of what was going on to them as well. I purposely did that because I knew he was trying to show me as the reason he isn't seeing his kids more often, that I couldn't be rational and work out the business issues etc.
And in my showing them what his response was, now he's trying to keep up the false persona he's created with both... If he is the loving, responsible father he's been telling them he is, then he'll have to step up and demonstrate that now because now they know the full issue about the house.

Was that controlling on my part? Yup... More than likely... However something told me to do it anyway... That the house issue was too important to just wait for his games...

I felt it was important to shine a reality light on all of them... Not the fantasy that things can wait for H to deal with them and that his time schedule is all that matters.

H has SIL believing that I am preventing him from seeing the kids more, that I was the cause of everything wrong in our M since I "refused" to get a job when our son was young, etc. And though I know I can't change anyone else's opinion of me and shouldn't care, I abhorr secrets of any kind (no surprise due to childhood) and think she should have all the info before deciding that I am the horrible person he says I am. SIL enables him because he's put himself as the complete victim in all this and me the perpetrator. She believes everything he says because there is nothing to show her otherwise and because hr is her brother. I understand that and don't intend to communicate with her once this house issue is resolved one way or another.

I've thrown out what my intentions are re: mortgage payments, gave them all a reality dose and left the action part up to H to do. I'm not communicating any further on it, but will start clearing out thr junk in my house in preparing to move if I have to.

It's up to H and a higher power now what will happen to my home, and if I'm meant to move then I am.

[job]

DG,
After reading your latest posting, I have a better understanding of why the ccs where going on. Yes, your h has played the victim card far too many times and hopefully, your sil will see the light. At least now, she cannot say that she wasn't aware of the situation.

Now, he'll either step up to the plate or he won't. I do think you are a very wise lady in being prepared for whatever may come down the pike for you and your family.

I do hope that you can enjoy your Mother's Day w/your children today.

[DiamondGirl]

So H sends me another email this morning saying he wants to combine all issues for D .. An excuse not to act and get the agreement for the house...

I replied again that I will not combine discussions with regards to child support with that of house and do not have to so I choose not to. And that I will stop paying the mortgage unless I recieve the document.

Trying to move forward with my day..

[seeking answers]

(((DG))) Way to stick to your guns! Praying for you.