Positive Lifetime Attitude Award Goes to...

[Marked&Healed]

I have to say Puppy, thank you for being on the boards still.

I have begun going back and reading your old Choc threads beginning when the EA was beginning and learning so much. I had started before but just didn't get through them.

Just want to give thanks where it is due. I'm to the point of the email you sent her... did that do any good?

Really give credit to all of you that have stuck it out around here to help out. Had I done that when I busted my D, who knows where I would be now.

[Marked&Healed]

Meeting H at lunch today to go over our budget, which we do every other week when we get paid.

I feel like we’re stuck in a rut. The only time we spend together is every other week for lunch hour.

I want to talk to him more and spend more time being his friend.

Temporary weakness.

Should I ask him what’s up in his life? Or just ignore the elephant in the room?

I want to say “H, I really miss being your friend and hanging out. I miss doing fun things together.” However, I believe if I do that, he’ll just see it as weakness and him having the power.

I really feel like right now, H is keeping me on the line in case R with OW doesn’t work out.

I keep thinking – give it time, the bomb was 3/29 and that only happened b/c I snooped, not b/c he was ready to reveal, although he told his mother he was almost ready to reveal.

Here I feel strong and I’m getting stronger and then this happens, I have to interact with him and I suddenly feel weak and impotent.

I want to make the most of every interaction with him.

I need some strong friends to come on here that have BTDT and help me with what I should do.

I need to come from a place of strength when I see him, I don’t feel he respects me at all.

The more I think and the longer I’m here, the more I think perhaps this is just an A and not a MLC, but that may also be b/c I haven’t had any spewed hatred at me for some time and I’ve left him alone to live his life.

I also feel like saying “this is just not working for me, I do not want to be the little fish while you are after the big fish.” But then, if it’s a MLC, I’d be pushing him and I don’t know if I should do that. I don’t want to push him out the door…

[Truegritter]

MH

I want to talk to him more and spend more time being his friend.

You are still too attached. Sorry to be blunt. This is where you are stuck. You are wanting to connect with him and this will hurt you.

I really feel like right now, H is keeping me on the line in case R with OW doesn’t work out.

This is probably true.

I want to make the most of every interaction with him.

Don't you see how focused you are on H? As long as you feel this way you will be stuck in his journey not yours. I know you have heard this but foucus on you. NO EXPECTATIONS.

[Mach1]

I would keep it bid-ness for now....

You won't have to ask when HE is ready.

"How are you doing ?"

= who have you been with and why are you doing this

" I miss talking with you "

= I am such a mess with you gone, I am going home to rip my toenails out , cause it would feel better than this.

“this is just not working for me, I do not want to be the little fish while you are after the big fish.”

= Thank you so much for making this decision that I made, so freakin easy for me now, and I will sleep better knowing I made the correct choice.

Speak through your actions, not your words.

You aren't gonna talk your way out of a situation you acted your way into.....




What happened to that list you made ?

[Truegritter]

The more I think and the longer I’m here, the more I think perhaps this is just an A and not a MLC,

I think this is wishful thinking but it doesn't matter because your process doesn't change one iota. I think you know what you need to do but as I said earlier your pain will tell when that is. Detach.

“this is just not working for me, I do not want to be the little fish while you are after the big fish.”

Why isn't this working for you? Becasue he is not doing what you want? Becasue you feel pain? That is not his fault. It is your choice how you react to all this. You don't want to push him out the door you want him to stay so you can be miserable?

You should be comfortable with whatever he does because then you are detached and realize that you can't control what he does. You can only control YOU.

No tactics, no strategies no expectations. How do you make you move along and stop feeling pain?

[Marked&Healed]

Thanks guys, I needed to hear it. I'm stronger now.

I also have a lunch time appt to have a hair consultation that I forgot about, so I told H that we could do it later. Too bad b/c I was wearing my new strappy high heels and looking good. LOL

Momentary weakness.

[Truegritter]

So today you are Marked&Heeled!

LOL!

[Marked&Healed]

One of the things that I’ve forgotten over the years, and I am trying to figure out how to say this without sounding stuck up, is how many men have chased me in my life.

My H chased the heck out of me for a long time, years, actually. Once, when at a company Christmas party, I forgot my gloves. He and another man actually verbally fought over who got to give them back to me. Guess what? He won. LOL

Now, back then he was married and I never even saw him that way, we were just friends, and I guess there was an attraction that he felt for me. I felt it too, but never acknowledged it or moved on it – he was married and I just don’t do things like that… but it was there. For many years, I never “went there” with him, until he was ready to D.

I’ve lost half of the weight I had to lose. I’m down 40 of 80 pounds. I look good but not great yet. Good enough that I’ve had men flirt with me. I used to have men walk up and give me gifts, no lie… but I was much younger then.

Anyway, I’m just mentioning it because, yes, I’m smart and yes, I’m fun and loving and kind and talented. But I’m also very pretty and H is very visually driven. And I’ve forgotten the power I used to have over him. Now, I was younger then, and I don’t necessarily want power “over” him per se. But from a confidence boosting standpoint, he’s said he’s still attracted to me, and that’s me with a lot of excess baggage on me… I need to remember that I have this pull or draw or whatever…

He told OW she was the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on… and I have to tell you guys, I blow her away. He told me the last OW was skinny and I had gained weight and he didn’t want to admit he was so shallow, but it was important to him. He also mentioned that last OW began gaining weight after he said ILY to her. You see what I’m saying?

I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve given H all the power in this M. I’ve given up who I am in order to raise HIS children (and yes, I love them like they’re mine) – but in so doing, became a person who was not fun and what he wanted (OR what I wanted) – different from the girl he fell in love with. He’s had all of this over me b/c I changed to do what I thought I had to do to make this family work, and in the process, lost him… and lost myself and that’s when he took all of my mojo from me. I practically gave it to him, gave him all of myself and just got left with an empty shell, and that is not attractive at all… and I guess I ate a lot because I was unhappy. I suppose a lot of us here can say that we became overweight as a symptom of an unhappy life.

I guess another thing I’m saying is: H is a shallow, cheating, lying person. LOL. The rose colored glasses come off… but seriously, it’s important to him. I guess accept the good with the bad, right? I sound pretty shallow in this thread also. Honest, I'm not. Maybe that's part of the problem. I would actually go a whole day sometimes without ever looking in the mirror, not even to fix my hair or do my makeup. I guess maybe I was too depressed to care what I looked like...

I just wonder if the physical attraction thing, as I become more attractive, will be a bit of a draw to him… just a passing thought. Something for me to remember. Now it sounds like I’m making it a physical beauty competition between OW and me... YIKES.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Ummm...

While this may blow some of your perceptions of me...

Guys ARE shallow.

Sorry, its in our hardwiring.

Givin a choice we'd like our wives/girlfriends to have Victoria Secret bodies. Any guy who says otherwise is...

not being truthful.


And...


While visual stimuli isn't quite the same in you women folk...

Given a choice between Daniel Craig rising up out of the water or John Candy...

I got money on one answer being more honest too.


To answer your question M&H...

based upon what I said...what do you think?

However... do for you and F her...it is never a competion...if you make it into one... your self esteem WILL SUFFER in the short term. Do this for YOU, Fukc anyone else.

[Mila]

I agree with Jack, I couldn't have said it better