Just seems even more bizarre as we are now getting married. None of the speeches will be mentioning the fact we split up for 18 months and how they all met Helen and that he was with her this time last year!
Lol- let's hope not anyways - makes me think of that film Four Weddings and a funeral.....don't hire Hugh Grant as the Best Man
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
WholeAgain - I'm not a jealous person, AT ALL! Thats whats so wierd. I would just like some more clarity from him, there are still some unanswered questions and he has had time to reflect, but, just got to let it go!
I was thinking something lately and then I saw you posted M, about doing things for you.. I want to get back into my art, or creative stuff anyway. I'd like to study photography (a very Piscean pasttime - illusion and 'dreams'). Doing things that feed my soul take the focus off the past and just generally worrying too much about stuff...I'm knitting a bag right now!
(K.. I'm really hoping you can make it, it would be brilliant, but I am worried about this speech, lol!!)
Why wouldn't any of the speeches mention it? Why have it be the elephant in the room?
It is what it is - the past. It happened. You both grew, and came back together stronger and better. The people who are important to you both should understand that it doesn't take away from what you have now.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Because he feels guilty and ashamed, or would do.. its not something we did, its something he did TO me. Anyway, I asked him and he was horrified at the thought! He said he definetly wouldnt want any rfeference made to our split, or what happened, on our wedding day of all days. And my Mum and Dad would get upset I think, so gonna have to be a white elephant, but its a joyous occassion so dont suppose it will be what people are thinking about.
Anyway, I am mad right now, furious - unlike me. His company got taken over and the phones were cut and they were issued mobiles yesterday - I just snooped and found Helen called twice today and he called her.I asked him if he had any contact with her (he is back working on one of her projects) and he said.. no !!
So we had a row about it, but he insists that someone borrowed his phone in his office and must have called her and it wasnt him. He said of course he doesnt care about her and is marrying me (I know, I know!)
I explained how hard it is for me, with them still in some work contact, becuase after what happened, I learnt that you cannot be complacent and there are no gaurantees.
He gave me some reasuring hugs then...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
It's great you are not a jealous person! You must know what you want to know and why.
There should be point at which you will trust him to sort things out with Helen himself. You both can get worn off from snooping and mistrusting pretty fast.
Is he planning on getting a new job?
I'd probably say something in the lines of "I'm sorry I snooped. I realize I want to trust you and don't want to be left wondering." Then I'd ask whatever there's to ask including changing his job. But that's coming from me, a jealous person, I'd rather him switch his job and deal with his ex without involving me than him having to reassure me every other day. If anything, that does not look pretty.
Anyways, I hope you won't have a row over that again.
Are you busy with wedding planning, or have you got most of the things done?
Hey girls. No, he cant change jobs, there is only one company he can work for! (He's a geologist). I wouldnt ask him to though. Plus he was totally cool with me 'snooping' and has said I can look at his phone/email anytime (I stressed that I dont normally). He told me how little he cares about her and that he moved on, long ago. He's done feeling guilty for hurting her, he doesnt feel he needs to anymore. He carries enough guilt for hurting me.
I asked him some more questions about why he left. He said "you werent being very nice to me".. I got VERY upset at this, as I was devoted and very caring to him!! He explained, I felt like you never listened, that my opinion didnt matter, that you would overrule me, particularly financially. My communication was too strong and I didnt allow him be the man and make decisions, I used to listen without actively listening. I am not like that now.
I reminded him that when I realised this, I DID change, spent months being more equal, loving and he still left. He agreed and said but he had 'gone in on himself' and depressed by then and he was at fault for not talking to me, but bottling it all up till he 'snapped'. So, blame on both sides and typical WAS, he concealed how unhappy he was until it was too late. But that mainly, he felt that he had had a breakdown.
I am drivng his Mum to hospital today for heart surgery.. fingers crossed that goes well !!
