I did email him today & asked him if we could get a babysitter next weekend so we can just go out for an afternoon just the 2 of us. This weekend is out b/c we have to go out of town.
I'm just going to continue to be affectionate & try to connect w/ him again. I think that if I just continue to do that, we will be ok.
Doc, I don't think you're being mean. I completely agree with all you said. I do have "issues" w/ my self esteem. I always have, but the D sitch didn't help at all. There were a lot of cruel things said to me that I don't dwell on, but can never be taken away.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
It also doesn't help that I've gained some weight & feel awful about the way I look right now. H does not mind, but I do.
I am going to do something about it though -- I'm starting a "boot camp" work out later in May and I'm really looking forward to it
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I feel like you're worrying so much about making HIM feel good that you're losing yourself in the process. It's like he needs his cage rattled a little bit.
Stop worrying about what he is thinking and work on you.
I too had cruel things said to me but you can't take it to heart, even though it was from the one you love and cherish so much. All that hate spewed came from someone who was doing crap that wasn't right and someone who has no authority to ever put you down!
If you are unhappy with the way that you look, then do something about it. start taking some classes or walking/running/cycling.. I think that once you start showing a little more respect in yourself and put more time into YOU, H will notice those changes and will come around.
I'm not saying not to initiate sex or affection. That's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is that you need to work on you and stop worrying so much about him and why he is or isn't doing what a H should be doing.
I can't recall if you are in MC? I would suggest maybe either MC or a marriage workship of some sort to help you reconnect again.
hugs red!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
RHW, I know about the weight issue and have lost some but need to lose a lot. It's a big deal for women. It does affect your self esteem totally.....
Last edited by june72; 05/05/1004:49 PM.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
It also doesn't help that I've gained some weight & feel awful about the way I look right now. H does not mind, but I do.
I am going to do something about it though -- I'm starting a "boot camp" work out later in May and I'm really looking forward to it
I just started boot camp here this week! Good for you...I am tired of not loving my own body, and I can't expect someone else to appreciate it if I don't. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident I think you will become...for now just trust that he is with you because he wants to be, he chose to be. There was a time in the D process you both could have been done, but for whatever reasons, you are together instead.
It has to do with the way you see yourself, really not how someone else sees you. Think of all the people with eating disorders...it is all based on self perception. So maybe it affects women more. We want to not only feel good but look good too!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree...I don't like how I look, my outside doesn't match the image of myself I have on the inside (strong, confident, fit....not like I want to be wasting away and childlike thin!!)...
I thought about it awhile back, wondered if the insecurity was bc my H cheated on me so much... But then I thought about how I would feel if I met a man who loved me just like I am and didn't think I needed to lose weight/get in shape. However, I would still want to, because it is about how I feel about my own body more than how others think I look...
OK, I am laughing here... I don't like the way I FEEL with all the weight. It actually feels like I am wearing a fat suit- lol! I just feel very blubbery- lol!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
