Well, ok, but this is the email I was proposing to maybe *start* the convo:
H, I have been feeling that things aren't quite right with us right now. I realize we haven't had a lot of alone time lately and therefore don't feel the closeness we used to have, but the HUGE indicator to me right now is your lack of interest in sex. For the past few years, it seems to me that I am always the one who has to initiate, but for the past couple of weeks, you haven't seemed interested AT ALL. This is not "normal" for the husband I know & love.
I hope we can talk about this & get the air cleared. I love you!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Or should I just be extra snuggly tonight & see what happens and go from there?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
This is so typical. They just want to sweep everything under the rug and forget about it. That's so very hard when our hearts have been literally torn to pieces with everything that happened. H said so many cruel things to me & I'm just supposed to forget that??!! Like it never happened?!
quote]
OMG same thing here!!!!
OK no A though, I think you state A happened in your sitch, right?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Or should I just be extra snuggly tonight & see what happens and go from there?
You could always go to bed naked, sleep sans clothing, and then snuggle -lol! Definitely would be noticeable.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Yep. when our first son was 18 months old, he was deployed & felt that I had been neglecting him & he had an A over there. Supposedly no sex, but whatever. Doesn't matter - he was close with another woman intimately and that's what matters.
Second, he was deployed again. Supposedly met this chick that worked @ the hotel they were staying in out at a bar or something. She supposedly knew all about me & our son (still only had one). Supposedly she used her master key, went into his room & gave him a blow job. He kicked her out after it happened b/c he felt so bad about it. (Oh big F'ing waaaaah)
Third (that I know of) EA before & during D sitch.
Also, I'm still not sure if there was 1 or 2 women while he was deployed the first time. Truly I don't care. It doesn't matter. 1, 2 or 10, it's all the same thing.
This is the kicker. The way I found out about the first affairs was when he wrote me a letter & gave it to me when I was on maternity leave w/ our second son. Guilt had just gotten to him & he needed to clear his chest. Whatever -- I truly believe he was wanting me to kick him out at that point, but I was not emotionally where I could have done that at that time.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Or should I just be extra snuggly tonight & see what happens and go from there?
You could always go to bed naked, sleep sans clothing, and then snuggle -lol! Definitely would be noticeable.
All right, for now, this is what I'm going to do & see what happens, how he acts, etc. I'll proceed accordingly from there
Did your mouths just drop when you read my last post about his affairs?!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
[/quote] You could always go to bed naked, sleep sans clothing, and then snuggle -lol! Definitely would be noticeable. [/quote]
You know the sad thing about this though is that when I think about doing this (I am going to do it anyway) BUT I feel like I'm being desparate or something. Pathetic !! This is my husband -- I shouldn't feel this way!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Wow- that is a lot of cheating with several different women...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
It would help if you had a signature line for people to read...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Sometimes I wonder if he CAN be faithful. I think it would come down a self-esteem issue that I would not be able to *fix* for him. Sometimes I wonder if no matter what I do to lift him up, compliment him, make him feel special & loved & respected, support him in whatever he is doing & w/ his job, etc. that it will never be enough & he will need always need "attention" from another woman every once in awhile to reassure himself. Does that make sense?
I still am not sure if this is the case or not. I truly don't feel in my gut that there is OW right now. I could be completely wrong, but I just feel like there is something else going on w/ him & I just don't know what that is.
I'm going to do the naked thing tonight unless something happens to start a talk before that happens. Otherwise, that's what I plan and then see what happens from there. I will need to talk to him sooner or later though.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
