My H texted me a little while ago to say that we need to get child support stopped....if thats what I want. Funny he was asking me if thats what I want...guess he still thinks that I have some doubts. He also wanted my checking info so he could start giving me some $$ for bills.
I found out we have to go file paperwork to get CS stopped and they will give us a court date for it. Not thrilled about that, but that is what we have to do to get it stopped now. Once in the beginning when he came home a couple of years ago, we had it stopped, but didnt have to go to court. Dont know what the difference it now. BUT of course we had lots of problems that year with tax stuff because the state was saying he didnt pay his CS.
Anyway...gotta start getting all that taken care of.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
well....the same amount that he pays for CS will still go into my account plus more for bills...I guess the thought of Child support for him means still dealing with the past.
Also, he is horrible with money! I will be giving him an allowance every 2 weeks....HIS choice and idea! Which is fine with me. I would have thought he would have learned to manage his money better after 3 years.
I would rather wait to be sure he is home for good, but I got to stop thinking that way. I really dont think he would be going through the hassles of courts to have it stopped if he werent sure he was going to stick around for good. Just that trust thing for me again....
Imlin....how come you never stopped the child support? How long have you and your H been back together? I dont remember. I understand the part about the bill collectors, but is that the only reason?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak, so happy to see that things are moving in the right direction for you It sure looks like he is committed if he lets you give him an allowance lol
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thanks Mila.....we'll see about how committed he is when he is broke after the first week cuz he spent all his money on "stuff" haha
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You may not remember but my H went on a bit of a spending spree, new cars, home theaters systems, new clothes...well he had to get everything new because when he left he took nothing but his shaving kit! and he did all this with NO income...I warned some of the creditors not to extend his credit but they did not listen, I told them not to call me when he didn't pay...one had the nerve (BMW financial) and reminded them that they chose not to listen to me and I had a legal seperation so...sorrrryyyyy!
We have been back together for going on 4 yrs...I keep the child support because it is does protect me and my son financially...if it were not in place those creditors would be taking all the money and I would not have it...so as my personal protection I have the child support and the legal seperation in place...until such time as H decides to deal with his past financial issues...I didn't cause them, contribute to them, and refuse to suffer for them.
Kissak - wow, he's asking you for allowance?:) I hope that works out well. I know the finances can be a huge stress. My H has also never been great with money - he is the spender and I am the saver and both of us have magnified that during his MLC (mine out of self preservation and trying to protect our kids as our finances are still very much joint).
My hopes are that he will if we R finally agree to a budget at least. I'm sure in his MLC mind that is "controlling" but I just see it as being a responsible adult.
Are you able to work through hurts/feelings of the past few years with your H yet?
My H ran up a couple of credit cards...which we both did during our separation...basically just trying to survive. Not too much unnessary spending on my part, but maybe a little bit on H.
Yes, an allowance! I love it! He sat down and figured out how much spending he does and its ridiculas! SO, he decided to hand over funds to me...figured out how much he needs to get things like gas, food, cigs, sodas...things like that. Which when he saw how much he spends on it all, he has decided to cut back....quitting smoking would be nice, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon.
Trusting Faith....Im not sure if I have worked through hurts/feelings yet. I try not to dwell on it too much. I dont know if that will hurt me or help me yet. Im thinking I just need to make sure we are on a good track back before I talk about it too much with him. Maybe down the road I will deal with it, but for now, Im dealing with the reconciling part, thats hard enough
Every now and then when I pass the house of someone he was talked about having an affair with (which he denied), I do let my self dwell on it, but then try to think about somthing else. We all make mistakes and sometimes hurt those we love, that is the only thing that helps me sometimes.
Last edited by kissak; 05/05/1004:28 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Honestly, my H and I did not discuss too much when he came back...little things here and there but for the most part it was put behind us...talking about how hurt I was would have only laid more guilt on him...him feeling more guilt would not have been good for either of us...if something was really gnawing at me I would bring it up calmly and if he chose to talk we did, if not I let it go and worked through it the best I could...sometimes coming here put things in persective for me...after all I was over the roller coaster ride and on the recovery ride...really, helped me be greatful and focus on the positive... move forward and avoid looking back!
