Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
You might be suprised what happens from here. In my sitch, our R talks got MORE productive AFTER divorce was filed. We started MC after divorce was filed.
I went out tonight and saw a girl put music on the jukebox and when she walked backed I started to talk to her. Blah Blah blah then she says ( you are dangerously Hot) Wow talk about an ego boost.
W still doesn't get it.
Well, hello! That isn't something we chicas say every day. (although I am going to have to remember it for future reference. lol!)
And you can wink her if you'd like...just shower after. :shudder: yuck.
Glad you had fun, your future is wide open.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
I'm not going to do anything with her friend on match.com I'm sure her friend already told her about it.
I emailed her back last night telling her we should meet at a bookstore to talk. I'll let her start and I will just listen.
I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to "work" on things. This will be HER last chance. Then decide my next course of action.
Still on the high from last night!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Awesome! Has the patience returned? Allow me to give you some more insight into what I have thought about. If it helps you then great, if not that's OK.
So, I have thougtht things like "what is my W's problem?", "why can't we just work this out?", "why is she acting like this?".
I also have thoughts like "I can just get someone else", "Someone else probably won't treat ME this way" etc.
Then I realize this. My best chance of a long term, fulfilling relationship is with my current wife (look up divorce rates on second marriages). If my W & I do divorce, it sounds so good (as it probably does to your W right now) to think "hey, this might be kinda fun". You know, those fuzzy feelings that someone wants to be around you again. Wow!
Of course, another problem is that your first W is STILL in your life, especially if you got kiddos. Rarely are there not regrets by both parties at some point after a divorce. Internally, divorce is a form of failure that is experienced.
So, I like your game plan. Meet with your W and listen, listen, listen. You may have complicated things a little by going on a dating website, but I understand the need for an ego boost. I've wanted them myself.
Just don't communicate TO her that this is her last chance, even if you're thinking it is. That WON'T go over well.
Just don't communicate TO her that this is her last chance, even if you're thinking it is. That WON'T go over well.
I joined the dating site out of curiousity. But let me tell you once you start getting attention from nice attractive women, it's hard not to get that all excited.
I will handle the meeting in a mature manner.Not blaming or talking about the past.
I will be straight forward with her, tell her what I expect from a W. I will tell her if she wants to work on this then we need to seek MC. Set the boundary that I will not be apart of an open M and she needs to devote more time into the M if she wants. I will have no regrets, I believe I have tried every possible thing to save M.
I have seen the stats on second Ms. I know there are not likely to work out. I can't even begin to think about something like that right now.
I feel I have addressed my problems I had that caused the M to break apart.
I guess you could say I'm going all in next week.
Anything else I should bring up at the meeting?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to "work" on things. This will be HER last chance. Then decide my next course of action.
No, you make your mind up first - lead (very attractive). If given the choice, she sees you waiting on her (unatttractive) and she doesn't want to choose. She wants you to be who she desires. Decide that you will be OK no matter the outcome - D or reconciliation. This is the Stockdale Paradox - parallel path concept. Don't tell her anything let your actions speak for you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, Your saying I should be the first to speak at the meeting?
Tell her what I expect from her and lead this way?
Then tell her I will be fine with either outcome?
I do want to do everything possible so I have no regrets.
We do need to R talk.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
