OK thanks. I'm going to give it a week or two with no pursuing, no R, M, or A talk and see what happens.
If it comes to the point where I need to enforce the boundary, I'm going to need a lot of help. I am very bad at that. All of my attempts to kick her out have been futile. Partly because I'm concerned about the legality of it and her being able to say that I THREW her out.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
In other words,you are right back at square one where you were when you first came on board in the other thread. Everything that people, who are newer to this thread, has advised.....has been given you a long time ago. Weren't you told in the very beginning to stop pursuing and R talks? Now, you are saying you are going to give it a week or two and see what happens?
Let me suggest what I think probably happened when your W left to go see OM when you set her luggage out. She pressured OM and he wasn't ready so he sends her back home. You think since she has cleaned the house up and cook a meal or two that maybe you shouldn't approach her.
I just don't know what else to tell you, Ken. The same advice has been given over & over. Yet, you act as if it is the first time you've heard it. I guess I don't know how to reach you. Hopefully, some others will.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The longer you "wait and see" Ken the more involved your W gets with OM.
THe SOONER you ACT, the better YOUR CHANCES. Do you know what BONDING is? The more time you give her to invest in HIM and to DETACH from YOU the more likley its giong to be that a divorce will happen and your wife will then take YEARS to figure out this fool is not going to help her long term.
Nip it in the bud and stop fooling around waiting... it just does DAMAGE to your MARRIAGE
Sandi, in the beginning, I wasn't confident that this was the best approach. I didn't really want to throw her out. But now I'm starting to see that it may be my only hope. I'm still hung up on how to enforce the boundary.
Allen, should I not wait the week or two? What do you recommend?
A quick question: I have been in the habit of kissing my wife on the forehead before I leave for work, but I stopped doing that a few days ago because I thought it could be considered pursuing. It is considered pursuing, am I right?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Is there ANY REASON to think that in two weeks things will have gotten any better?
What do you have on the go that would suggest this is the case? From my reading you are not planning anything to be better, just hoping it will magically imporove.
Right now your wife isn't afraid of your position because there's no consequences... nothing different happens when she contacts him, so she's going to do it.
How do you plan on disciplining your children? Just wait and hope that they behave better in two weeks?
A quick question: I have been in the habit of kissing my wife on the forehead before I leave for work, but I stopped doing that a few days ago because I thought it could be considered pursuing. It is considered pursuing, am I right?
I don't know about "pursuing," but it patronizing. Like putting a child to bed.
Is there ANY REASON to think that in two weeks things will have gotten any better?
What do you have on the go that would suggest this is the case?
I am not pursuing at all for a change during this time - that is something new.
NOw here's the problem about the consequence - I can say what you said, "Make a commitment or leave the home", but I know her and she will likely say, "You can't make me leave!" and then she will just stay. She has told me that before. And that is the one thing that I don't know how to deal with.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
