I still wish I knew what I did to make him dislike me so? It is great though to not attach too much meaning to what he says or does anymore. He no longer controls my actions, thoughts, or words.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
t the anger is within him You have nothing to do with it The LBS is a conventient scapegoat for the MLCer to keep distracted and to never look within as long as the focus is on us, they can not heal seems like some mlcers tryt to repair the wreckage with the kids ect>>> but I wonder how many will not fearing my xh will be amonst that group peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
the anger is within him You have nothing to do with it The LBS is a conventient scapegoat for the MLCer to keep distracted and to never look within as long as the focus is on us, they can not heal seems like some mlcers tryt to repair the wreckage with the kids ect>>> but I wonder how many will not fearing my xh will be amonst that group peace
You said it right Peace!
was theotherhalf M43 H43 M22 T25 MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07 D6/09 Still trying to accept and move on...
It's sad to me that some just keep blaming all that is wrong in their lives on the LBS, or their children, or their work, or even the OW. Instead they need to stand on their OWN two feet in front of the "real" mirror and see what needs to be done. We cannot do it for them, all that they search for are just bandages and so they spin...
In my sitch XH has went completely dark to me until recently. And to D18 he comes around just often enough to keep hurting her. I don't get it.
was theotherhalf M43 H43 M22 T25 MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07 D6/09 Still trying to accept and move on...
I think the only way my ex can even see his pain is by the hurt he puts on others. Does that make sense?
It really is a pathetic way to live. Ex keeps trying to put his pain onto me, but I am no where to be found in his world, meaning dark. I am hoping by this he will have to see that I am not the cause of all of his problems.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting - such an easy spin we can get into isn't it. I too often get caught there -- but as with you spin out into my reality.
What did we do? when i go there NOW my mind tells the truth. We married and were REAL. Nothing fake. When you are married as long as we all were -- there is real life every day yes BORING stuff. There are bills, and illness, there is joy and laughter, there is hurt - and then there is what they run from THEMSELVES>
I have found that yes I did stuff wrong. BUT even MARRIED I knew that and worked on it. I wish I would have caught some of the pain early... I wish HE WOULD HAVE spoken up and said "hey this part of us isn't working.." but because he didnt.. he held it in.. building resentment and an excuse.
You and me.. and many others here.. WE married for life. ONE TIME.. tell death right??? We knew that there as baggage and stuff.. but if you were like me, I read books, sought wise counsel and did my best... .HE .. and YOUR X?? when they had to FACE THE TRUTH of who THEY were in all of this.. chose to BLAME.
It has been said that it takes 2 to build a marriage and 1 to end it.. I believe this more now then ever.
The middle AGE or the mlc brought to them this TRUTH that they didn't want to face.
HE is a butthead.. Sorry but he is. Anyone who can leave not only the one person who truly loved them... but there KIDS who love so unconditionally. Well.. they are turds.
sincerely love you.. not just words.
your friend - cagzmom
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I still wish I knew what I did to make him dislike me so? It is great though to not attach too much meaning to what he says or does anymore. He no longer controls my actions, thoughts, or words.
To him, you are a reminder of how he screwed up even though he won't admit it. As long as he can think of you as the bad guy, he doesn't have to look at himself. Until he admits to himself that what he did was wrong, he will always blame you and you can do NOTHING right.
It took me way too long to figure out that my XH is still blaming me even though he claims I am the one who is bitter. Ha! Here is just one recent example...for spring break this year, I took my S18 & D16 on vacation out of the country. They both told their father a long time ago what their plans were. He did not ask for any specifics. He waited until we had left the country and sent me an email accusing me of forging his signature on notorized documents so my D16 could leave the country. I informed him that I had checked with the airline before we left to see if I needed anything documents signed by him and I didn't. So, being the concerned father he is , he asked for our return information which I gave to him. My D16, who is not close to her dad, told me today that her father has not contacted her (we have been home for over 10 days) in well over a month and the last time he did was just to find out something about her brother. Why would he care if she left the country or not? Why did he wait until I was out of the country to find out if any documentation was needed? Why would he not be happy for his children to have an experience to learn about the places we visited? My XH has never owned up to doing anything wrong. He still CHOOSES to blame me for everything bad in his life. I'm sure he thinks that life would have been so much better for him if he hadn't had to pay me all those years of child support...even though he went out and had 4 more kids with his current W(OW). It is all so sad.
It took me finding this board 3 years ago to finally put a stop to reacting to my XH's bullsh!t (and my current H's bullsh!t). So for over 12 years, I was was my XH's puppet. Be thankful that you have figured this out early.
I am surprised you are still breathing after 12 years of pure crap, OMG. You have to be made of steel now. I am thankful that I am finally in the place of leaving him completely alone. Not responding to his stuff or feeding into his drama. As time goes on, more and more people also see what he is truly made of. That is a blessing also. Thank you for your post.
Last edited by TRUSTING; 04/24/1003:22 PM.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Sorry but he is. Anyone who can leave not only the one person who truly loved them... but there KIDS who love so unconditionally. Well.. they are turds.
, he asked for our return information which I gave to him. My D16, who is not close to her dad, told me today that her father has not contacted her (we have been home for over 10 days) in well over a month and the last time he did was just to find out something about her brother. Why would he care if she left the country or not? Why did he wait until I was out of the country to find out if any documentation was needed? Why would he not be happy for his children to have an experience to learn about the places we visited? My XH has never owned up to doing anything wrong. He still CHOOSES to blame me for everything bad in his life. I'm sure he thinks that life would have been so much better for him if he hadn't had to pay me all those years of child support...even though he went out and had 4 more kids with his current W(OW). It is all so sad.