Your w sounds like a drunk, a cutter, and extremely manipulative.
That crap about you "assaulting" her while she was asleep is pure B.S. too.
Oh My!!!
A "drunk" is someone who drinks every day and to the point of affecting their daily life. While my WAW has used alcohol as an escape in the past, she is not a drunk.
A "cutter" is someone who does so on a semi-regular basis. Not someone who did so once in a moment of desperation.
While we are on the topic of definitions, as per the legal definition of assault, I did assault her.
Thanks for the effort anyway.
Oh, hey, no problem.
Yeah, it does sound kinda bad when I say it out loud like that, but the ridiculous histrionics and disingenuousness are there none the less.
Why sleep naked with a man who "assaulted" her? The "childhood issues" seem awfully convenient and coincidentally directed only at you.
And P. S. Lots of drunks don't drink "every day" and the booze is probably affecting her "daily" life more than you realize.
Great idea Puppy. I'm not very concerned about needing any documentation, but still it's a great idea.
I am also going to keep any texts between us that could be important.
Yes and Yes. I used my notes here for the 9 months before my W said she wanted a D. My lawyer at that point told me to document everything each day - out interactions, when I had the kids on my own, what my W and I did, etc..
The day came when she tried to get a restraining order on me because she caught me tape recording our conversation (based on my lawyers advice). She only got a refrain order and I kept documenting everything. Every Monday night after she got the order she would lay in my bed with me and watch the Monday night line-up. I documented these in detail. When the court date came I handed the paperwork to my lawyer...he smiled and said for this kind of order she has to afraid of you. Obviously that's not the case.
My W is fighting me on 50/50 custody and we did a forensic psychological analysis. I went through all my old posts here and pulled out anything that was relevant...like how often and how much she drank. All this information was turned over the Psychologist.
You never know when you're going to need documentation. Just do it, don't let her know about it.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I've read through your sitch. Read the last few pages with a little more closeness than the others.
This is the feeling I get from your posts - you are seeing what you think is progress, it's given you a high, you're beginning to think about pushing more under the guise of being a man, you are jumping at every opportunity to be with her when she asks (almost gives me the feeling that you are behaving like a servant who jumps up at the snap of a finger)
You might not like this:
I hadn't had sex with my W in almost a year between Feb 2008 through Dec 2009.In Dec 09 she came with me to my office party, we stayed the night and had sex. Man was I thinking we were moving forward. 4 weeks later she told me she wanted to get a D.
This past Christmas Eve, when I came home with the kids from my brother's house she kissed me. Told me she was lonely, etc.. she was filled with some booze. She even said, "I know you probably hate me but I still love you." She started making out with me and started grinding. It stopped and I eventually went to bed.I was detached enough to laugh at the whole thing and see it as a one time event with no meaning.
Don't put any stock into anything you see or hear. Believe me, I know first hand. It's total script and it's their roller coaster. While you're on it, you'll go up and down with her and it will confuse the [censored] out of you. You'll start asking - what's the right thing to do?
Should I do A to get C, or do I do B to get C?
I say, screw that. You can't predict what will happen if you do A or C. No one can. You seem to be looking for a way to behave and talk in order to achieve your goal of reconciliation. This is the same as DBing only for getting back together.
I imagine you did that in your first trip here, and now you have returned. You NEED to do this for YOURSELF.
Who are you? Where is the genuine you? Where is the you that will look and see?
Is she playing you - having her cake and eating it too? Is she really interested in dating you? Is she setting you up somehow? Is she feeling guilty and that's driving her actions? Was there OM who has left the picture so she is now turning to you as a parachute? Is she under the influence of the alcohol mind?
These are a listing of only a few possible scenarios. I'm sure I can think of dozens more. So which one is correct? lol
You can't know. You can't guess. You have no freakin idea what is driving it all. But here you are trying to make decisions to create some sort of effect. This is backwards.
You are putting way too much focus on her and the sitch. It's like robx said...what do you want to do? You are still desperate to be with her and that's why you jump every time she whistles. Then you run around telling everyone about how nice it is that she whistled like a little kid who just got a piece of candy.
I know how easy it is to get inflated when you see 'apparent' progress and how easy to get deflated when you see 'apparent' backsliding. I say apparent because sometimes forward is backward and backward is forward.
Now I could be completely off with what I have written and it's just my gut feeling that came up when I read through. Take what you can use and leave the rest.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
A "drunk" is someone who drinks every day and to the point of affecting their daily life. While my WAW has used alcohol as an escape in the past, she is not a drunk.
Actually you just defined an alcoholic/alcohol abuser. Anyone who has to self medicate with drugs or alcohol to 'escape' is the very definition of an addict. Social drinkers don't drink to escape, but every alcohol abuser uses it to escape or cope with life.
It's not how much you drink but rather the reason you are drinking that creates the line between a social drinker and an abuser.
Alcohol is a symptom of a deeper underlying problem. It is not the cause, although it does cause a lot of damage, it is only a symptom.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
We had a fun week and really enjoyed being with each other. A couple of times WAW wanted to talk about our R. I didn't think it was the right place or time, so kept it to as minimum as possible without seeming uncaring.
When we returned a couple days ago, we went right back to "normal". We drove home from the airport in her car, she dropped me off at home, said a quick "hi" to the kids and went home to her apartment. Later that night she and kids went out to dinner and I went to my divorce/separation support group.
No contact since then other than when I called her last night about some big news at work from my first day back.
Not sure how to proceed from here. But I do know one thing - after the week together, I want her to come home more than ever.
Glad you had a great time on your trip -- you deserve it.
Did you and your wife ML on the vacation? Sorry to be so blunt and personal, but since that has been such a major part of her allegations towards you, it needed to be ask, so I guess I'm just the horse's ass to ask it.
Hadn't seen WAW all week since we got back from vacation until today when she came over for the usual Sunday dinner with kids. She was very kissy and huggy. I reciprocated but did not initiate.
I think at some point in the near future, it's going to be time to have a talk. I am almost ready for her to come home and would love to know if she is almost ready to do so.
