I'm sorry if you think I'm projecting. I'm not a good writer and sometimes I leave things out. I didn't mean taking advantage of in a bad way. I think people know what type of person they are and when on AD's they will tend to accomidate other people. For example, my W doesn't like going to the movies and I do. When she was on her AD's and if I asked her to go to the the movies she would agree. If I asked her to go for a walk she would do that too. For a few moments the M was perfect and I L her more than ever.
So I think just maybe for a little bit, he was doing things that just wasn't his personality. What we/I may think is our spouse doing something for us, is really an internal battle.
GF MLC is one of the most difficult things you will go through. You are doing very well even if some days you don't think so. It takes time to feel whole again. Just keep on moving forward one step at a time. It is time for you to stand on your own. You can do this and you will be so happy and proud of your accomplishments.
To answer your question. My h and I did not reconcile and I was a lot like you. I had never been on my own but I like my life better now and I look forward to more great things in my life. I am sad for my children but they are doing very well because I stayed sane and put them first in my life. I also surrounded them with people who love them.
Mermaid, I'm sorry things didn't work out. I remember reading your posts so long ago. You did your best and the strenght you gained from all of this will help you when you need it.
Mermaid, I'm sorry things didn't work out for your M. I want to thank you for the words of encouragement!
Fixer, my H was diagnosed 12yrs ago with depression. He was very angry and sad. I'm not saying that I was the perfect wife, but when they did find out the problem he had and put him on the AD's he was back to his old self for years.
Every time he went off of them he would change, becoming sad and snapping on me and the kids. But then I would talk him into taking them again and he would be fine. This time he had lied to me and kept telling me that he was taking them when I had a feeling he wasn't. He started to drink, snapping at the kids, snapping at me. I did not see this coming (him leaving). He started a fight on a Sunday went to Step-mother and father's came back after talking to them and fought with me until Thursday when he left. The day he left I found the bottle of his AD's and he hadn't taken them for 3 1/2 weeks prior to his leaving.
Since he has been gone he went on them again and was coming back to his old self but then stopped again. This happened twice. He is drinking really heavy now according to our D13.
Yes, I was crying and begging in the beginning I didn't realize I was pushing him away until I read the book and found this site. I have back slid some times also, but won't do it again! Not only do I think he is going through a major depression again, but also a MLC which includes depression.
I will wait for him to come to me. I'm the type of person that took care and takes care of everyone. I love to do it! I took care of him with not only his depression problems but also when he would be ill or in the hospital and suffered ceasars. I just know from this site that I can't help him now, and wish I could, just wish he would come to me like he has done in the past during our M and ask for help! I feel so bad for him, and I feel totally helpless.
Jas, in the beginning and here and there during our separation I was begging and pleading for H to let me help him and tried to convince him it wasn't the M causing his problems. But I have stopped all of that.
Fixer, how do I find a tiny thing in common and do it with him when he is gone? You have me confused. He hasn't contacted me since he told our D13 last Wed. to give me the left over pizza they had and told her to tell me Happy Easter (4 days after Easter). There isn't any contact and the last contact we had was on the 24th when he changed his mind about us dating saying it wouldn't be a good idea.
GF, you really need to take of you. Your self esteem is low. Treat yourself to something for YOU. No one else but YOU. I too was the one that took care of everything and everyone. It's a lot to carry on small shoulders.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Someone asked this of me, "So, how is that working out for you? Taking care of others and not yourself?"
For me? Not so good. I was miserable, hurt and angry and had a lot of self pity, self loathing. Blaming OTHERS for my unhappiness. You need to be the change you want to see.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
