Well, crazy train came to town tonight. He has lost his mind with the kids..ugly phone calls... they kids are calling BS on him and the way he speaks to them. They want him to show them repsect...so he basically told our S:
Ex: is this the way you want it to end (screaming in the phone) S: what? Ex: you want it just to be over done, you better make sure buddy cause this ends today S: what are you talking about EX: hangs up the phone on him
Ex then proceeds to dial my # saying ex: ya'll are a bunch of group thinks Me: Huh? ex: ya'll are all against me (still screaming,I never raise my voice) Me: since when is that the truth EX: it's always been that way, everybody else likes me, ya'll disrespect me all the time Me: I think your paranoia is out of control and I thought you have been telling me you don't have any friends. ex: No one ever listens Me: stop screaming, I don't scream, it's no way to communicate really. Ex: seeeeee you don't listen (screaming still) I'll be there tomorrow to pick the kids up anyway Me: That's up to them (per the parenting plan) (son is now crying because he father said he relationship is over) Me: how could you say that to our son EX: I didn't say that Me: That's what the three of us heard Ex: see ya'll are always twisting what I say Ex: well blahblah blah (quieter pitiful voice) doesn't matter mumble mumble, I won't be around much longer and click hangs up the phone.
Ugh! WTH does that mean?
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Yikes.....do you think this is drama for drama's sake or do you think he would really harm himself? And if so I sure as hell wouldn't let the kids be with him....
wow, I think our ex's are related. way to many of those conversations. And thats why my children hardly ever see him. That is horrible for him to say that to your S. I think you did a great job handling it....IDK if they kids dont want to go, sure dont make them. Its a control thing.......He doesnt have it anymore.....he can't handle it!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
The kids have both told him they don't want to see him. I have never been so proud of my son tonight as he stood up for himself for the first time and had a voice and kept it strong through his grief towards his dad. He cried for over an hour begging his dad to please try to work on a realtionship with him and stop the lecturing, negativity, stress, drama when they are around of course exH flipped and my S didn't take it. That boy has been more than patient and it was nice to see him not take his father's chit anymore.
EXH tried to drag me into it but S told him no way! S finally handed me the phone but told me 'if he yells at you or talks about me give me the phone back, this is my thing not yours"
eXh then leaves me a message later on cell telling me he can force the kids to see him (he can't) that he has a right to see them (ummmm I encourage the kids to see him, cause frankly doing all on my own SUCKS!)I would never keep them from him, it's not my fault that his years of acting (especially since his A began) like an a$$hole to his kids has taken it's toll.
They said till he was nicer and less stressed they won't see him.
Catch 22 for me, first I am proud they will not allow someone or anyone to treat them as poorly as he has but bummed because WHAAAAAAAAAA I have NO adult time.
Boo Hiss! Thank goodness FFG doesn't mind kids... not to many men out there that would want to date a lady who has her kids full-time.
FFg spent the weekend cleaning my gutters, mowing, aerating my yard, de-mossing my roof, fertalizing my yard, watching my D's softball game (he's made 3 her dad 0), attending his own kids games even when he doesn't have them. Buying groceries for a church wide project, helping me reprogram garage doors. Made a gourmet dinner for us on Monday night. Plus made a garden area for his D so we can plant a little garden with her at his house(she wants to do that)... Plus he leaves 40 min from here so he's back and forth back and forth.
WTH did I do to deserve this? I am starting to feel "anxious" at the thought of it turning south. I am glad I have read so much over the last few years so I can talk my self off the cliff with that one. We haven't had any issues of any kind yet?!
I haven't been so happy .... Ever? I have been asking myself that question for a long time. There was a lot of stress living with EXH and hearing the S tell the EXH what he needs is like listening to myself for the past years. "I just want to feel like you love me, it's not the material things, it's emotional thing". My S said this to my EXH tonight, I have said that to him at some point in our marriage.... it made me catch my breath to hear my S say it.
My heart aches for them.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
What a disgrace as an officer and person serving in our military! He reminds me a bit of Robert Duval in "The Great Santini". It does worry me that he seems so unstable.
My neighbors ex H was the highest ranking enlisted person at the Portland air base. He committed suicide a few years ago when his fiance called off the wedding. Very tragic for the kids.
Your son is turning out to be a good man.
Have you checked the back of FFG to see if there is a door for batteries? He may be a robot.
LOL Kerry! No, I've seen the back no batteries. He is just a doer. Plus his words and emotions are there.
Here is an email I am thinking of sending EXH, I will wait for feedback till I send.
EXH:
Your message that you left on my phone had an indicative tone that I was denying "your right" to see the kids. That could not be further from the truth. I will not call you back, again our communication shall be by email. I am not going to be yelled at anymore. I am unable to give you advice on how to repair your relationship with the kids. It's not my place to do that, that is why I have stepped away from the matter.
If you read the "parenting plan" you will see that we agreed that we both wanted them to have a good relationship with both of us and that the kids would be able to decide and arrange their time with you or me for that matter. It is up to them, they are of age, and they have a choice. That goes both ways.
On top of the whole "who respects who issue" this is what I hear:
They have both expressed that the boat is not comfortable. The sleeping arrangements are not comfortable. They want to feel like they are at a home not a visitor with their dad. These are all things that were discussed with you prior to the divorce. In the court mandated parenting class the professionals spoke of the kids needing to feel like they belong in both their homes. They don't feel that when they sleep on a couch and a 1/4berth and have one "drawer" to place their belongings in. They shouldn't be visitors they should feel like they belong. You made a comment to them that "every time you guys are on the boat, something breaks". These comments are hurtful and make them not want to come. This is an example.
I am in no way~shape or form saying I am the world's greatest mom and never say stupid things or the wrong things and I certainly screw up things too, but your kids want to have their DADDY so bad. They need you. They need you and they want you but not in the current state you are in. You are openly hostile and verbally abusive to them and to me. There is no reason for you to be this way. We have done nothing to deserve the continuation of these episodes.
I will leave this issue alone because it is up for the three of you to figure out. I am willing to help facilitate it anyway I can.
The other issue is your comment the other day you made in the driveway. I am tired of the threats. I try to talk about cooperation (like dividing up tools and such so we both might have what we need) but you continue with hostility and threats and that's not ok. Technically, EXH I don't have to divide anything on property with you but I find that ridiculous so I want to be fair but when you make snide comments as often as you do and threats it makes that very difficult. I am packing your belongings and your parents belongings with care but I just get hostility in return. Why? This is your stuff and it doesn't need to be here, it belongs to you and your family, not mine. We really need to have a positive relationship but in order for that to happen you need to stop being so angry. It makes no sense why you are angry at me. What did I do to you?
Please make arrangements with me by the end of the month to pick up your belongings.
Leah
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I really liked the letter....it makes a lot of sense and addresses the issues you are facing with your exH.
I too am tired of being the object of their wrath. Ummm.....aren't you the one who chose to leave? So then why is this all my fault?
Glad that FFG is coming through for you. You are a pretty strong force of nature from what I have read/heard/spoken with you, so the powers of you and FFG combined are no doubt a sight to behold!
Kerry ~ I think it is between 35 and 40 I'm not sure. Its more of a Carver type live aboard. It maybe a Carver I refuse to see it .
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
