MLC or not?

[june72]

Sorry for all the typos it's hard to type with a little one tugging at my arm

[Goodfight]

NP June. I responded while you were responding. So you might have to go back a page to see what I wrote. Did find mb28's thread. Thanks!

[june72]

Wow, read everything,
You are getting great advice.
Look at this in the worst case scenerio type of mind. He never comes back... how do you live then? Examine the worst case scenerio and you eventually lose fear of it. LIve as if he is gone forever. Don't be stagnated by fear.


For now he is gone, he may come back someday but you have to have changed also.....

[june72]

Found it. Thanks June. The problem is if he was dead, I think I would be able to move on better. I don't want anything to ever happen to him whether we get back together or not. But I'm standing for my M and that is the hard part. I never lived on my own this long in my life. Plus I always had a boyfriend or a relationship, so I think why this is hard on me.

It has been 17 months with no one in my life and it is a struggle but I do believe in standing for my M. God forbid but if he had died at least I know that he loved me and the kids and that I would be able to move on and not be breaking any vows. That is what the struggle is on my part.

Sounds like codependency to me.
Wonder what others think.
You do not need someone to be ok.... You can be fine on your own

[Jasmine]

GF, from MPOV, a WAS/MLC'r, you are needy and whiney. Did you behave this way when H left? My H did, over and over, all 4 times I came back to him. I couldn't be responsible for HIS happiness because I myself was not happy. That was the behavior in our M the last 7-10 years. I was looking to H to make me happy. The pressure he projected was overwhelming, so much so, I ran the 5th time.

Regardless of the conditions of your M, the conditions of your health are most important and that is to take care of you! Taking care of you first will take care of the M. I believe the DB Veteren's Mantra. Thanks to all As you are in IC while on meds, you will be advised to take care of yourself first.

The best advice I have received is to treat the M and H as a death. Sure different situations, but same principles do apply to an extent.

You give me hope that I too can stand on my own two feet and live alone.

[fisherman]

GF, from MPOV, a WAS/MLC'r, you are needy and whiney. Did you behave this way when H left? My H did, over and over, all 4 times I came back to him. I couldn't be responsible for HIS happiness because I myself was not happy. That was the behavior in our M the last 7-10 years. I was looking to H to make me happy. The pressure he projected was overwhelming, so much so, I ran the 5th time.

I do agree, most of us, until we "get it" appear this way at first. However in fairness. The perception and or thinking of the WAS is often skewed. Sometimes so much so that a simple question like "What would you like for dinner?" is considered pressure.

[Jasmine]

I do agree, most of us, until we "get it" appear this way at first. However in fairness. The perception and or thinking of the WAS is often skewed. Sometimes so much so that a simple question like "What would you like for dinner?" is considered pressure.

unfortunately sad but true For me, it wasn't just the questions it was also the surroundings that was pressuring.

GF, work on yourself first. Everything else will fall in place. (I think Cat gave me that advice)

[Jack_Three_Beans]

"What would you like for dinner trapt?

Come on, why won't you tell me what you want for dinner?

I bet that slut is making you dinner, huh? Well I hope you choke on it."

Remember that the above conversation ALSO get diluted down to:

"He wouldn't tell me what he wanted for dinner last night, he is so distant, why is he acting that way?" That's what we end up hearing...the clean version.

[Fixer]

GoodFight,

I read the beginning of your thread. Sounds alot like what I went through. My W was on Zoloft and took herself off her medication - not good. I have a SS who's alot older than my D. My mom had a stroke and was bed ridden until she died. Followed by my dad who I didn't know very well passing away. Now you have a brief view of my history here's what I think.

I don't think you helped your H when he was on the ADs. All of a sudden he was nicer and easier to take advantage of. I don't this was done intentionally; it's just human nature. Unfortunately, inside H's head was a ticking time bomb. He was doing things he felt wasn't really his nature. Almost an imposter if you want to think of it that way. Then when he took himself off the ADs, all hell broke loose. The chemical imbalance threw his mood off and he "brained washed himself" turning what you thought was good into one of many things. Maybe he thought you were controlling or taking advantage of him or one of many other things he could dream up.

I'm not trying to put the blame on you. I'm telling you with as much honesty as I can this is what I've done to my W. The MLC may have brought on the depression but I (we) don't know how much harm we caused.

From my experience I can tell you to not plead. Find a very tiny thing in common and do it with him. Don't let H know you're only doing it for him. Let him think all your improvements are for you and no one else.

Again I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. I've been know to say my piece before getting all the facts. If you like to discuss or give me a piece of your mind - please come by my thread.

Fixer

[june72]

Fixer I think you are projecting your experience onto Goodfight. I didn't see her taking advantage...?