MLC or not?

[Goodfight]

Thanks Cat.

Working on a new phone now.

I know they (the children) aren't trying to hurt us, and I really feel bad for her right now.

I know you are going to think I'm crazy but I don't even want to think about the next few years without him. I'm praying that we will be back together as a family and will be able to attend things as a family.

[cat04]

GF,

No one would think you were crazy for wanting that. It is what we all come here hoping for.

However, as we learn, it is no longer our focus. Just a pleasant side effect if it happens.

We say detatch, we say no contact, but we don’t say stop hoping. We don’t say stop praying.

We say learn who you are, without him, learn what you want from YOUR life, empower yourself.

Then, whether he returns or not, because there just are no guarantees, YOU will still be happier, healthier, and better able to deal with comes into your life next.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Not sure why you wanted me to drop by, Cat's got your back.

Better than having your tongue, although...meow...that makes an interesting picture.

Look, dettaching is EASY when they aren't around. Harder when they are but like anything hard doing something well only happens with pratice and practice only comes with time.
He is their dad, even if a comet fell from the sky and killed him today, his name will still come up in future conversations.

It's almost like Miracle Max reacting to his wife when she says, "Humperdink."

Kudos if you know what I am talking about.

[Goodfight]

Oh, I know I can't thank cat enough. Just wanted to get your opinion also, hope that I can reconcile like you Jack!

Thanks for stopping by.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You won't reconcile like me.

You will reconcile like you.

[Goodfight]

Boy or Boy do I need help with that. I don't know how to start this whole process again......looks like I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning before I found this site and after I found it.

Do I go dark? I mean we had relations 3 weeks ago and haven't heard from H and we were discussing dating and then he just went back into the tunnel again, I guess. After I said to him "you just don't know what you want do you?" he said no. A couple of days later he claims he never said it.

Now what?

[seeking answers]

GF - Claims he never said it. Doesn't surprise me a bit it's MLC script. Their memories are shot.

Very common for them to go back into the tunnel after connecting like that. I think it's like emotional overload for them and they can't deal with it. They absolutely don't know what they want. Their confusion is your friend.

Hard to go dark when you have kids. Go dim. Only have contact with your H if it's about kids or finances. Then keep it brief and to the point. If you see your H act as if you're doing fine and above all do not initiate any R talk.

And as Cat so wisely pointed out, this is the most important thing...

We say learn who you are, without him, learn what you want from YOUR life, empower yourself.

Then, whether he returns or not, because there just are no guarantees, YOU will still be happier, healthier, and better able to deal with comes into your life next.

[Goodfight]

Well yesterday H took D13 fishing. Her phone was stolen so he texted me and asked me to have D13 call him. I wasn't home from work yet so I texted him back and told him she had just called me from a friend's house and wanted to know what time he was coming for her. He texted me back 4. I texted him back ok.

So he takes her and then I was sitting outside reading DBusting and he drops her off and she comes running with a pizza box and said "Daddy said this is for you, Happy Easter" I texted him and said "Thanks for the pizza" He responded "Yep" so then I texted him where are the wings? He said D13 ate all of them. So I just said thanks and Happy Easter to you too.

How did I do?

[Jasmine]

This from Was2sad says it all:

Your MLCer did not stop loving you. He may have become so depressed with his own life that he is unable to feel real love at this time. He is numb, but doesn't want to be. He did re-write the history of your M so he can avoid the huge wall of guilt falling upon him. He doesn't want to be challenged or questioned. You know him best and that threatens him. He doesn't want to hurt you, or be hurt by what he is doing to you. That is not your fault. Try to validate his comments when you speak. You don't have to agree that you two should get a D, in order to say you understand he is hurt and feels that is the best thing for him. It is okay to validate his concerns. It is not okay to stop standing for your M. Keep the two apart

[Jasmine]

Goodfight,
I can only tell you how I am personally feeling not what your H is feeling. Each one of us have a different outlook on our MLC, do it for different purposes and feel differently about it. I am a woman. A care taker. One who deeply cares about others before herself. I have ALWAYS thought about my H. I always wanted my H to reach out to me but when he did he was sniveling and that's not what I wanted/needed. I always wanted to contact him but just couldn't for a number of reasons. Right or wrong, they were MY reasons.

The veterens have given you excellent advice. Please, please take care of you first. You have all of my positive thoughts. Depression sucks.