Yeah, I have to blame myself to some degree for creating the monster. I think your cell phone plan sounds good. Keep up the no contact and get yourself emotionally and mentally healthy. I'm so happy how well it's worked for me. Amazing how clear things look when you finally get some distance. I'm embarassed at how I behaved. I truly was pathetic. I can't beat myself up too much, as I know it was out of an effort to be loving and caring. I'm learning that tough love is very appropriate in many cases!
Speaking of selfish and manipulative, got another bomb dropped on me yesterday. My STBXW served me with papers and is suing me for full custody of the kids. Guess she doesn't like that I've moved on and can't be manipulated by her. Spoke with my attorney this afternoon. He thinks the court will opt to maintain the status quo, since it's been working for us, but I'm looking at thousands of dollars of attorneys fees. Five grand to retain the guy! The hits just keep on comin'.
Future... ugh! I just had some horrible gut feeling it would come to this. I assume somebody will have to initiate a Separation Agreement or Divorce Decree now that custody papers have been presented?
If you are going to retain the attny for the custody portion just get it all done at once. Do not go for anymore mediation or such BS. She took mediation WAS OFF the table when she hit you with these papers for custody. Sorry Charlie, her ship has sailed and now you go full steam with an attny.
Have your attny petition the court for immediate reimbursement for your legal fees. Do not fool around and just do it.
The same state as CityGirl. As many of my friends told me, I should have gotten my legal agreement in place while she was flying high in her A, and was feeling sorry for me. Now it's going to be ugly.
I discussed with my atty filing to get reimbursed for my legal expenses, but he said because of our income discrepency, I have no chance at that. He's supposed to be one of the best divorce/custody guys in town, and he said the atty my W retained almost never does family court stuff! What is she thinking?!
I am going to get this all done in one fell swoop now. I will file for divorce or separation, depending on what he advises. I was feeling so much better about myself, I guess I just wanted to enjoy that for a while before dealing with this garbage. Times up. Good thing is, I still feel great about myself and my life!
My friends and advisors have warned me that when the hammer comes down on her, she'll almost certainly try to disarm me by offering reconciliation. Wow.
Yes, having a legal agreement in place would have been best but since you don't you have to work with what is in front of you.
I think you need to ask your attny the following questions:
The two of you had a verbal agreement to work through ALL issues (custody, asset allocation, support) through mediation. In NY a verbal agreement is binding. Now that she has breached the verbal agreement what are your options?
It is my understanding that when one spouse presents another spouse with a custody request or asset allocation request it must also include a petition for divorce or separation.
Since you and your W had a verbally binding agreement to pursue mediation, I would ask your attny about filing a petition to request immediate reimbursement to YOU from your W for your legal fees. And, be sure the reimbursement is not drawn on joint funds.
She has breached an agreement and therefore set the tone for this next phase. You both agreed mediation, she walked away without even letting you know, served you with papers and now you are forced to retain counsel when that wasn't the verbally binding agreement the two of you had. Think about that.
Thanks so much CityGirl for your advice. My atty did tell me the court will almost certainly rule on maintaining the status quo. We've had a verbal agreement we've lived under for the last 15 months, with no real issues.
I actually have to go right now, I'll respond more later this evening.
Obviously your attny knows best but the circumstances you would be petitioning the courts for legal fees are not due to income, they are due to the breach of the verbal contract the two of you had to use mediation to dissolve the marriage.
IMO those are two separate issues and one has nothing to do with the other.
I would also haul my ass to that attnys office tomorrow and find out what rights you have in lowering the monthly support you are giving her w/o an agreement in place. Do not let that come back and bite you in the ass. Again, she breached the verbal agreement and very well could be set to file a motion of her own for immediate court ordered support.
My friends and advisors have warned me that when the hammer comes down on her, she'll almost certainly try to disarm me by offering reconciliation. Wow.
Yes, that does tend to be the usual script. Sad, ain't it??
