M Agreed. After reading ahead I can see where it would not go so well for me. The insight on love and marriage are good but the actions how to express that love, in my current state, are not ideal.
I actually have to sit down and once again revise my goals. I am having trouble setting obtainable goals that will allow me to validate is something is or is not working.
As I mentioned in previous posts what once work now does not. Some things that improved are now reverting back.
Btw would it be pursuit or a bad idea to watch fireproof with the W? Lol
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 04/06/1011:11 PM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Question unrelated to your situation, but being in the business I would like to know how you would handle this if you got a call and you were on duty :
Passenger, a poster on another thread, exposed her husband's affair. He has been chasing her in email and phone calls all day long while she was at work trying to find out who she told about his affair. She refused to talk to him and told him she would talk later on... she went outside to her car after work and ...
He was waiting for me in my car when I got out of work-he even took the fuse out of the car so I couldn't start it
I would like to know how you would handle this if you got the call... ?
Here's the thread if you wanted to reply to her directly.. I am just in shock.. I would have called the cops on him for that stunt
It would depend on the state which the incident occurred to determine the course of action. Also it would had come down to whether or not she wanted anything legally done as a result of his actions. In our state, from what you described, would amount to 4 separate criminal charges, all of which would require for her to file as a complainant for any action to take place.
If he was registered owner of the vehicle then nothing can be done about him being in the vehicle or removing the fuse. This would be something where I would had to gather all facts first before making a decision...and even then ultimately the decision is hers (unless he ever physically abused her)
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
OK, well I would reccomend you post there and let her know how offensive this was legally speaking.. it is her car, she owns it. I don't think she's aware he was actually violating the law doing that.
OIM- my W wanted to watch Fireproof w/ me- it was still pusuit...she was BSing me...
Fireproof would be for when there is more committment from W...once that happens, books like 5LL and Love Dare will make more sense...you can brush up on 5LL and toy around w/ the diff LL to see what may get more results...affection and PT may be out, but the others may work if attempted in small doses.
Hang in there, I know its not easy...how's PMA and detaching?
Well I don't hang on my W words and emotion as much as I use to. If she is being positive great if she decides to become bitter I just step back abd let her go through the mood.
Tonight (after my last update) I had went and laid in bed. W yelled up to me "what are you doing" I say "laying in bed" and she responds "I thought we were going to watch a movie?"
So I popped up and went and put a movie on. We watched the movie and had a few laughs...after she fell to sleep on the couch.
Sometimes I feel like no progress is being made from day to day and when a positive it is usually followed by a few negatives. It almost feels like I we won't ever get to the point of reconcile, the way she is toward me is not promising...
As for the love dare the first 3 days have helped me mentally...that love is a decision and to love someone does not need reward in return. I also have bit my tongue more often not making the same mistake I made a couple days ago.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I'd keep doing the flowers bit, and maybe some gifts to work. Perhaps 3 times a month if you can afford. Its interesting that the peer group will see your effort and sincerity. I believe over time it can be a "fog clearer", because her peer group will obviously see the guesture and she will have to do her mental magic to make herself think its irrevelent or a manipulation. Over time the reality should start to winning out.
I strongly disagree and "wearing her down" is some men's idea of "winning out". That is why some can't get it through their head's to stop R talks.......or buying gifts. She doesn't like it! She doesn't like the attention it brings at the office and there are always questions from other women and believe you me, she will take it out on her H.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'd keep doing the flowers bit, and maybe some gifts to work. Perhaps 3 times a month if you can afford. Its interesting that the peer group will see your effort and sincerity. I believe over time it can be a "fog clearer", because her peer group will obviously see the guesture and she will have to do her mental magic to make herself think its irrevelent or a manipulation. Over time the reality should start to winning out.
I strongly disagree and "wearing her down" is some men's idea of "winning out". That is why some can't get it through their head's to stop R talks.......or buying gifts. She doesn't like it! She doesn't like the attention it brings at the office and there are always questions from other women and believe you me, she will take it out on her H.
I was not bringing her flowers but rather her father GF who had brain surgery. I learned many weeks ago not to buy gifts fir my W and not to offer to pay for something, it is considered controlling and takes away her sense of independence. I can't remember the last I spoke about our R with my W.
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This morning my W tried to start an argument but I bit my tongue. I had washed clothes which included her work uniform. She made the comment "great my pants sat in the dryer too long, mext time I'll do it myself, get them out myself" and I said nothing and just let it go.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
