I guess he has a new attorney. Received the bill in my mail, addressed to his #, but my street (How does that happen?) He's under Super-attorney when searched...
Makes him appear a little insecure about his standing @ this stage of the game.
Anyway, we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I've heard they want you to get going in some direction already.
Well, I was so relaxed going to court yesterday that I had to grab meter parking in front & hope it didn't go past 2 hrs.
Took a seat & placed my purse on the seat next to me as a hint. Didn't help, he went around & sat next to me on the other side. I asked him to please find another seat, too late, they started.
The judge asks him if he'd like to wrap things up now, as the motion he filed asked & he acted like he didn't know what she was talking about. He said we are only here for a status hearing & we have a few things left to work out?
She scheduled to come back March 1st, looked at us strangely & said you should have it together by then.
So, outside he says he wants to talk to me for 15 mins. I maintain my position that there's nothing to talk about, he knows what I'm asking for, if he'd like something different my attorney can take over.
Not long after that the mixed messages started, wanting to hug me, telling me how much he enjoys my company, at least when we're getting along. I say, that's nice, have to run. Next up is telling me how hard times are for his business & can I just make some adjustments. He will need to know by Thursday, because he's stressed & tired from not knowing what our final MSA will be.
I gave him a few minutes & said I had nothing more to say.
Today he sends an email insisting I look over the MSA he made minor corrections to, e-mail it to my attorney & let him know by Thursday at the latest. Same time asks that I trade my time w/S6 in April/May/June due to his competion calendar.
Same thing over & over, only now I feel like I'm the one at the wheel. I sent him an email saying there would be no exchanging days, afterall, when he took me to court, he said if there was a conflict, he "simply won't go."
I'm not walking on egg shells & wondering what his reaction will be any longer. Catering does just the opposite & I finally know that.
I think being firm is what is necessary. I'm always nice/polite, just not pursuie.
After 3 angry e-mails, he's now asking why I can't be nicer to him.
He has to feel the full effect of his decisions, I'm not saving him from that.
Why are you friendly to me one day and mean the next? I will delay my trip for a day but you should start being more flexible in the future. This is about S6, not you or I. I will get my things out of our house when it is no longer our house. I will drop off your stuff that I can transport. Would you like to come pick up the mirror? It is quite heavy.
I'm doing my very best to stay positive. S17 is leaning hard, although both kids seems to be acting out at the moment. Maybe this is typical for all families, I don't know.
Just want to say that I'm going to come thru grateful for what I have & what I've learned.
What a long strange road it's been.. And goodness.. does that man love his papers.
I know my kids acted out when I was pushing to get the house ready for market. It was then that the divorce was real, months later.
This is a tough time for all. It's good to hear the confidence and boundaries you've placed that are working for you. I think the kids do act out during this time and look for guidance, support, boundaries. Sometimes it involves letting go, other times reigning in. Ahhh.. and listening. DBing, validating the kids was invaluable. One book, How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk, I read was incredibly helpful. It saved me many a time on all levels.
That's for sure Gypsy. Just when I think it can't get any stranger.....
After 2 1/2yrs of this, there has finally come a time where I know I was mourning a marriage to someone who doesn't, can't, won't be a partner to me.
It makes sense now why he was trying to get me to sign on the dotted line immediately in front of the court house.
Yesterday I found out my mother has been given up to 5 months to live. Minutes later, I find out from my S6, that the OW has moved into my old house, & that "he likes us both the same" because his dad said it should be that way. My 17 yr old son has transformed into someone I never imagined, posting on FB that I can go F myself when I took his drug away (interactive computer gaming.)
Through my dad's long illness, losing him along with one of my best friends, my mother's 6 months in bed due to injury & telling me he's still "boffing that woman" on my birthday, I still believed I had a chance to turn it around.
I will probably never understand someone that could treat another person this way, especially for so long a period.
I wouldn't trade what I've learned for anything though. I also wouldn't trade the wonderful people I've met here, including my friend CVA who helped me thru a difficult night.
What can you say to express your gratitude to people who help others & pay it forward like those on here.
On what was to be our final court date, March 10th, H had an appointment he just "couldn't change." He made some half hearted attempts to get a new date, then said, "Well, we could just not show up." I ask him to keep trying to reschedule. The day before, he suddenly has yet another appt. that day he can't miss, & says they may dismiss the case if we don't show, & "one" of us would have to re-file to go forward.
Instead of dismissing, they give us a new date for December, with a note from the judge letting us know that if can't get it together by then...
My mother has open heart surgery & we decide to put anything having to do with our M on the back burner, until after she's had a chance to recover.
Meanwhile, I go for as little contact as possible, OW continues to move in pieces of furniture, rugs, etc., but is not actually living there.
I decide to venture off on my own to a friend's birthday party, much to the dismay of new guy, who tells me he looked it up on friend's Facebook, & see's that address is on there for any friends that wish to attend, so why am I going with out him? We had just had dinner the previous night & I let him know I desired a little time on my own. He obviously doesn't realize the effect this has on someone, which is to want to get away.
Go to the party, & the strange feelings I get sometimes hit me full force when I walk in the door. Not bad, just the feeling that something I can't put my finger on is happening.
Not long after, a man walks up to me & asks if I'm married, well, after a couple of minutes anyway. I say, my H has been having an A for 3 yrs, it's complicated. He says some of those things guys say, "your H must be crazy, you're beautiful, yeda, yeda, yeda..." Tells me what he thinks of Jesse James types.
After talking for a few more minutes, I can tell he feels it too, that strange pinging....Now he's telling me I should get a D ASAP, to move forward, I may be surprised at how fast my H really wants to move on. I tell him I'm not so sure my H wants a D, as he can't seem to show up for our court dates, that's why our next one isn't until December. He has this shocked expression which prompts me to ask his name.
It's her best friend... He get's teared up & tells me she has no idea, she believes he went to court that day & the ink is almost dry.
H came by to drop off S7 after his week long vaca. I met him at the door, didn't offer to let him come in, didn't answer any of his questions about where I was this last week. (He had been having S call me wanting me to call them everyday.) I sent one text, asking him to tell S I loved him & would see him at the end of the week. Friendly, but distant. He looks nervous. Probably because I'm not in his pocket anymore & am happy, one way or another.
Sunny
PS)Why does the text jump around when I'm typing posts...makes it really difficult to work with. If anyone knows.
I hope your mom's surgery goes well. I saw her photos on FB.. she looks so vivacious, it's hard to believe she could be that ill.
What does your lawyer say about all this skipping out and changing dates? Connecticut limits the number of times a trial date can be rescheduled, and if one party doesn't show up, the other party can get whatever they want.
I had and the former spouse changed to a Super Lawyer, not because of the the assignation, but because of their reputation. Mine came highly recommended from a good attorney friend. In the end, I felt my lawyer was more concerned about her reputation than meeting my needs.
Your situation is so strange. Why does that man dawdle? It sounds like he's making a life with his affair partner but stringing her along at the same time (and how did HER best friend end up talking to you at a party?).
Is there a benefit for you to allow the divorce to stretch out so far over time? Any continuance and legal advice should come from your lawyer.. not your divorcing spouse, encouraging you to leave the courthouse, etc. If you want the divorce, finish it. This limbo thing becomes its own lifestyle.
If someone asks if you are married and you speak about a three year affair your husband has been having.. that sends one message. If you reply that you're finishing up the legal process of divorce, that says another. If you say, no.. that says something else completely.
How's the new place? I didn't realize you'd moved out of the house. It's good to know you can reassure your youngest that all relationships take time to develop.
