Your W is totally still sucking you into her drama. She likes to know that she can CONTROL you. She checks your phone, throws comments at you, confuses you on purpose and you keep dancing to her tune.
You need to immediately stop focusing on her and focus on you. Don't mind what she's doing. She's like the playground bully right now trying to get attention and again, playing the victim when she feels like it. Don't fall for it.
Concentrate on yourself and ignore her. She'll complain that you are "ignoring" her, but again, don't fall for it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I just got sucked into an argument over a very stupid thing....my emotions got to me. I just set myself way back. I am very disappointed in myself.
I said a joke in attempts to make her laugh she did not find it funny then she began to attack me and I sort of stuck up for myself but started to bite my tongue
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 04/01/1009:39 PM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Ouch... yup, WS's loves to sets them traps for ya... gotta hate it when that happens. :P
My advice OIN is not to make jokes... I find they are too easy for the WS to take offence to and then you are way back as you put it... it isn't worth it...
We all have setbacks. Don't even acknowledge her at all. Don't talk, engage, anything. But do it in a way that's not resentful. Do it in a way like you're pre-occupied with something you are working on or doing. Make her a second thought.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
As I mention earlier we got a new bed set lol. We were setting up the bedding and she made the comment "I am taking my pillows into the other room I am going to sleep there" I walked out the room and said "if that's where you feel most comfortable"
When I came back in she was laying on the bed... She got up and started to dress her pillows and I said as a joke "that new pillow case is not going to match the old bedding" and laughed. She threw the pillow case left the room and started to clean the other room.
I apologized and said "it was a joke I did not intended to offend you" she started to say "just like everything else in the past 10 years you do something in response to something I did WRONG right? I am just trying to live in the same household with out stress until I leave, I am counting down the days" I told her I would go stay with my parents until then.
She got upset and said "you'll make matters worse if you do. I don't wnt them in my business" I said "how is that any different from what you shared wuth a co-worker?" She said "that was my business not your, you put me through that and I confided in that person and trusted him" I said "there are professionals you go to who can listen" she said "yeah they're called divorce lawyers...I wake up every day miserable" she went on and somewhere is there I said "if you strongly feel that way, there is the door" (oops).
In the end I grabbed something and she asked what I was doing - said " going to stay with my parents, I think its for the best" she said "whatever" I then said "I know what you are saying about me leaving to my parents will only make it worse but I can't see how it can be any better if I stay" and I left.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Stay gone for a while at least... give her a taste of what divorce feels like.
But man, you gotta control that... I won't go over the details, you know what happened and you know where things went wrong.
See if she sends you an text messages or anything... she might try to prod you to come back. This woman likely has depression OIN, you gotta treat very carefully there is all... She's not a bad person, the chemistry in her brain is out of balance and it makes it VERY hard to feel anything other than miserable... its not her fault she's got chemical imbalances so you gotta just let it go.
Don't make jokes, that's the best strategy... it is WAY too easy for someone in her mental state to read them cynically and then an argument starts... once it starts... you are dead in the water.
And while that may have sounded funny at the time, its kinda teasing... which is an aggressive joke. If you are gonna play, don't make it at her expense... I know that's not how you meant it, but that's what she's gonna hear. My wife has depression/anxiety too... I know how someone with anxiety or depression will read those jokes -- badly.
My advice is for you to sit down and think really long and hard about the exchange... I would offer a sincere apology later on... but you need to come up with something good.
I want you to look at this carefully :
-------------------------------------------- YOU : I'm sorry. It was a joke I did not intended to offend you.
HER : Just like everything else in the past 10 years you do something in response to something I did WRONG right? --------------------------------------------
If you look at that apology of yours, it was more you defending yourself than showing her you understand how hurt she feels. What I am reading here is that she feels like you blame her whenever a problem happens. Your apology above is a repeat of that.
You see, you tell her you didn't want to offend, which implies that SHE overreacted or misunderstood. In short, to her, mind you are telling her its HER fault for not hearing YOU right.
This is a very telling exchange here if its accurate to what was said. She seems to think you redirect mishaps back into her lap whenever you two have an exchange.
--------------------
From now on...
If she gets hurt, you could do a 180 and just show her you are thinking about how hurt she feels, don't worry about defending yourself. And yes, to her, "I didn't intend to offend" is you defending yourself.
You gotta really think long and hard about this one to understand where she's coming from.. once you get it... I think you will find a huge light bulb come on there for you.
