Well D13 lost her cell phone so she called H last night from mine. She talked for about 2 minutes because she wanted to go outside with her friends. Then about 10 minutes later my phone rings and it was H, I figured he was looking for D13 so I didn't answer it. I waited about 20 min. then texted him and told him that she wasn't home and did he want her to call him when she did get home. He said no because he was getting ready to go to bed and that he wanted to know if she wanted to go fishing today after school.
I asked if he wanted me to have her text him then to let him know and he said yes please. I just text back saying yep. I'm trying so hard at this detaching stuff but it seems like every time I turn around his name is being mentioned by D13. Then I go right back to being sad again. So she is going with him today after school.
What do I do? Do I just stay in the house till he picks her up or (don't know what time) do I go outside and wait with her? Make sure I look nice?
And what do I say if he texts or calls my phone to let me know what time he is picking her up? See he always just calls her phone but now he can't.
First things first. He is her father. I know when this started I hated it when my S would talk about his father. I just didn’t want to hear his name at all.
I had to come to terms with it though. I didn’t want him to choose sides between his parents. I also didn’t want to lose my R with my S, I wanted to build it, and the only way to be able to do that was to accept that I would have to be willing to listen to that stuff even though it hurt.
Our children, they are not trying to hurt us. They are trying their best to handle what life has thrown their way, to make sense of it somehow, and to keep a relationship with both of their parents.
If it is really really difficult for you, you may ask your D to stop sharing information, but I think you may then feel excluded from that part of her life.
Find her a new cellphone asap. That way, your actual contact with him is minimized.
However, you also have to understand that she is only 13. Many many things are going to come up over the next few years that you are going to have to speak to him about even if you don’t want to. So I would talk to him if it is about her.
Then make some plans for you while they are together. Start GAL, and you may find that you aren’t quite so sad when his name is mentioned. It all takes time.
As far as waiting to see him, that is up to you. If you wait to see him, you have to do it with no expectations. Just because you look happy and pretty once or even a million times, he may not act any differently. That is just the nature of MLC.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
