Thanks all. L has refused to let me sign. Whereas I was going to walk away with all the debt, back taxes, etc, she is now going to bring this up as shared debt by domestic divorce relations law as marital asset. STBXW want's to walk away with $100K on the sale of the house, live in it until it sells and have me pay $500 per week while I pay for the mortgage, gas, electric, insurance, health, etc....Her atty is going to hit me up for more of his fees while my L is getting nothing so far. If he asks for more, she plans to file sanctions against him. The judge had already told him 'NO MORE motions.'
She's on the case.
It is torture. Truly is. She want's to bankrupt me and want's no financial responsibility.
As you can all see, it is nearly impossible to move on...get a good nights sleep...relax with my children....etc.
I think they used the wrong word when they said 'war is hell'.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Maybe it's your STBX the judge is disgusted with-- I sure hope so. The fact he actually told her L no more motions might be a good sign.
I agree with the other posters-- no more mr. nice guy. You offered her a good deal but she wouldn't take it, now she'll probably end up with much less. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
It could work both ways. This is a lose lose situation. The LG is clearly on my STBXW's side. Not sure how that happened in spite of everything I wrote.
The judge is clearly a mommy judge. We are/were close to settlement. He may/could see me as the sandbagger and come down hard on me. Remember...I am at disadvantage here...I am a physician. Stereotypes abound.
If I sign right now, I have to pay CS while my STBXW lives in the house and I pay all the bills until the house sells. That could be months (years?). By signing in my current state, I will commit myself to be a deadbeat dad, meaning, there is no way that I can pay the mortgage, run my business and pay her CS while we both live under the same roof.
It's a quagmire. Although I may come off here as being 'good', and STBXW as 'evil', the court system doesn't live in my house. Men are bad. They fight for CS to avoid paying it. They don't care if they see the kids. Many abandon their W's, etc. Add on being an MD...well, you can figure out how they probably have stereotyped me. We have been fighting this from the get go.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I add this anecdote just to show how things outside of this D still sting.
I had a minor case come up today, and, in the OR, the nurses were kidding around. I guess they haven't heard my history yet. The word 'service' came up and the nurses began joke around about "servicing"...if you know what I mean. I usually try to stay low key as I never wanted to ever have a reputation of being 'out there'.
A married nurse then said out loud, catching me VERY offguard in the OR, "that's why you are so attractive Dr. FIB, because you are a dedicated married family man."
I can't begin to tell you how badly I felt...after hearing that. Loss. Failure. It was just not the time to say anything except to focus on the case at hand.
I guess....I guess.....she gets partial credit.
(sigh) I just wish this was over.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
You are a very dedicated family man and professional. You're the Dad, you're the Doc. Not wanting to be 'out there' is probably consistent whether you're married or not. You sound like a man with personal standards. Even though I've heard that those in the medical field can be pretty bawdy.
Then again, I don't really know how guys think all that well since hearing that every 7 seconds the "sex" pops into their consciousness. Probably more often with ninja skills added to it!
It's a shame that the love of your children isn't as highly regarded by the court, and that potential earnings outweigh your compassion and skill as a surgeon.
You're the man. Keep your head up! And you're wonderful.
I really can feel your pain. I was trapped in this joke of a system for 24 months and things still aren't done.
I have never witnessed more BS in my life.
My H's attny was a real snake and each time we got close to *something* he (he = snake attny, let's call him Robert) would request a judge change. After THREE requests and three consents on our part the judge finally got really ticked off and said no more. This all took place in March of 2008 and our next hearing was set in NOVEMBER of 2008.
I won't even go into details of what happened between March of 2008 and November but it was not good. Things were supposed to be finalized, ROBERT <--- snake, pulled my H out at the last minute (and when I say last minute I mean 7 min. before the final agreement was to be signed) and told the judge there were "problems" and the clock started again.
Mind you, we have NO children so custody was not even an issue in our case although an affair on my H's part was.
You can write to every person that has power in this state and it won't do a darn bit of good. I am 35 and it has been in legislation since before I was born to adjust the divorce laws in this state. The problem? No politician wants to be the one to make divorce "easier".
I will NEVER get married in this state again. Ever. Period.
The legal stress I was under contributed to an actual nervous breakdown, I was hospitalized, my lupus became very active and I was diagnosed with a situatonal panic disorder. My H took our car w/o any legal agreement in place leaving me sick and stranded with ALL the bills and while all this legal BS played out, he pranced around with OW.
In the family court division we were in we went through four judges, 16 adjournments, countless motions and 18 file folders of BS.
Stay strong. It is hard. It is awful. It is the system, NOT YOU!
Oh wow! So is this why my parents took 3 years to finalize their D? Their savings (and our college funds) were depleted.
The was NY state in the 1980's.
I still remember the nasty lawyer who made us wait forever. He was eating lunch. As a child, my sister and I were playing the stairwell and there he was carrying back his lunch. Mind you we already had been waiting an hour.
So we sit with him and he asks very casually. "So who do you want to live with?" That shocked and devastated me. I had to chose b/t my mom or dad and it would go on court record. I did not want to hurt anyone. I mean it really put me in a horrible spot. You would think they would have a counselor ask me that, not some, could care less lawyer.
my father fought his lawyer bill. I think he went to the bar or something. He won his battle and had to pay a lowered amount. Still was in the thousands. Still was a small fortune.
Sorry you are going through this....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Well thank G-d you reconciled june. The law guardian thing here in the stay of NY is a joke as well. They have no jurisdiction in the courtroom as to a recommendation for custody. They are supposed to be impartial (LG is totally on my STBXW's side). They have no special child counseling skills as I understand it.
The system is totally broken. NY requires someone to be at fault, i.e., you have to point a finger at someone. Like you June, at least a dozen or more court appearances, 3 or 4 adjournments, 2 orders of protection, one with a hearing......
Ugh.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yes, so sorry. It went on for years. My mother was desperate to settle and even in the end paid my father money (she shouldn't have). He then took us on a big shopping spree with the money and made himself look like a big hero. Did not learn till reading the D degree that that is where he had got all of his money. Short lived - he was on welfare shortly after.
It shattered our family- restraining orders, fights over the house, parents telling us adult info, my father telling us what a horrible mother she was- on and on.
IDK, the whole mess was too much- my dad attempted suicide twice, my sister was in a mental hospital for 2 years after it all in her teen years and dropped out of high school. My mother suddenly GALed like a crazy woman and worked full time, went to school full time and joined organizations and dated. We were at best roommates from my age of 13 upward.
If only they had chosen to work on themselves. To really try for the children's sake.
And that is what worked for my hubby and I- we BOTH really loved are children and wanted what was best for them. It would have been nice if he decided not to S but I think he just had no other idea of what to do.
Honestly, people are really selfish, IMO. I am glad you fought the hard fight.
Your children will know this abut you some day- it will make a difference to them. I swear to you- they will look on you as a parent that loved them so much that he lived in hell and stayed in hell all for their benefit.
That you in essence made you life about them and their happiness and well being.
You did it all the right way. You could have taken the easy route but you didn't I am proud of you.
You are at the last mile. The finish line is there - you can see it. Keep going!
Sending you vibes of strength and peace.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
