I've been catching up on your sitch after you kindly looked in on mine and gave me some things to think about.
I see you wrestle with the same emotions I do in regard to my W. Reading your sitch and responses are giving me some renewed strength and thought proccesses, as you are clearly coming through the other side and spending quality time with your children.
Like you, this rollercoaster ride is difficult to get off, and I do not want what my W has become either. Somebody said to me she is not the person you married anymore, so why would you want to be with somebody that does not want to be with you.
Take care, I will keep looking in on you.
Mark
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I'm doing well. MIL is in town - a bit awkward, even though we've always gotten along well. Hard to want to hang out with someone who gave W a lot of $$ to hire a L to tear apart my family.
I'm doing well. MIL is in town - a bit awkward, even though we've always gotten along well. Hard to want to hang out with someone who gave W a lot of $$ to hire a L to tear apart my family.
Is the reason for the surgery passed from one generation to the next? Or is MIL just a carrier?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thought I would post a quick update. I have been pretty busy with work and the kids, so I have not had a lot of time to post and, quite frankley, haven't felt the need to. Not that I don't want to talk to everyone here. Progress, I suppose.
We are set for mediation on April 21. W's L, who I have been told is a reasonable person, had sent some bush league emails to my L accusing me of playing games to put off the mediation and other such rookie accusations. To he!! with him. Not worth my time.
Continue not to talk with W unless it involves the kids or money. Last night, W, in a near panic, woke me up (had fallen asleep watching basketball - remember, I have been busy with work) to make sure I had received the IM's she sent me on Friday to update me about D's doctor's appointment - after being jolted awake by the sound of her voice, I told her I had received them. Strange.
MIL has been here since Tuesday and, I think, will leave tomorrow. She came up to take care of W, who was supposed to have surgery this week - then it became a "procedure" she was supposed to have (have I said W is a fantastic communicator ). Apparently, she can't have the "procedure" and must have the surgery. Will require 2 week recovery. W said she will coordinate scheduling of the surgery with her mother and me.
My birthday is coming up in early April. W has already put the kids up to asking me what kind of cake do I want "mom to make." I do NOT plan to celebrate my birthday with a cake my STBXW made. I will take the kids to a local bakery and the kids and I will pick out a cake. I do not think I can tell W I don't want her around on my birthday since the kids still don't know. I am good at handling that type situation, so I will. Grin and bear it. Or, better yet, smile and wave.
Now, for my emotional state. I am feeling stronger and stronger with each new day. I no longer want my STBXW, nor do I feel any grief of the "loss" of our relationship. I DO still have concern/worry, but it is related to the fallout on the kids. They didn't ask for this. Of course, neither did I, but I'm an adult, and I can handle it.
So, from an emotional standpoint, I feel I am making progress. Indifference towards STBXW is growing and growing, or maybe has replaced my feelings toward her, at least the positive ones.
I am starting to look at housing (rental v. buying - probably rent), furniture I will need - like beds for the kids' room. I am, likewise, VERY attuned to the women "out there." And that part is exciting. I'm in NO hurry, but I am looking forward to getting on with my new life.
Busy day today. S has baseball pictures, then a baseball game. Have to work on the mandatory disclosures for the D case. Busy.
[quote=If she...Screw it. She hasn't and apparently will not. And only SHE can make that decision. If she only knew how much we could do for each other in a new, healthy M and how much we could help the kids by doing that. As much as I want to SHOW her that, I can't. She has to do that. But she won't. [/quote]
Hi GIMA,
I thought I would take the opportunity to check out your sitch.
I was really struck by this paragraph. I feel/think exactly the same thing as you did then, if only..... You now seem to be really strong and I am going to use your strength to try and get me through this nightmare.
I agree with you on the 'staying friends' front. How can someone who did this expect the LBS to carry on as if nothing has happened? I believe the WAS in their own minds, invent a scenario where they think their LBS has accepted the situation and is moving on with their life. This may be true to some point, but it is the selfish act of someone who could not give a damn.
I am going to get up to speed on your situatiion and keep looking in.
You're doing great.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
). Apparently, she can't have the "procedure" and must have the surgery. Will require 2 week recovery. W said she will coordinate scheduling of the surgery with her mother and me.