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#1969358 03/29/10 03:58 AM
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june72 Offline OP
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Hey all,
I often see suggestions of books that are good for a troubled marriage or spiritual growth or personal insight. I write them down here or there and always intend to look them up in the library or purchase a few but has yet to do it. I bet many would like a list of what books really helped others.

I would love an evolving "Master List" of sorts. If people could post a book they found helpful a possible subject it would fall under ie. affairs, or self-esteem, etc. and maybe their personal comments on the book I would love it!

After a few posts I or anyone (since this is for all) could list the title and author by subject lists. And then with more additional posts the "Master List" can be continually updated.


So people please list those books!!!! smile

Last edited by june72; 03/29/10 04:06 AM.

M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
june72 #1969368 03/29/10 04:11 AM
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...John Gray. This classic book isn't for every couple, but if you read a few chapters and lightbulbs start going off, then its probably going to help you understand how communication with the opposite sex actually needs a roadmap.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work...John Gottman. To me this book wasn't so much helpful in actually making marriage work, but rather in understand what marriage "poison" is and then you can find out how to avoid it.

Why Men Love Bitches...and No More Mr. Nice Guy. These books say basically the same thing to men and women: "gain his/her respect or he/she won't be sexually attracted to you, period".

DQ

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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483893#Post2483893

This list is from the MLC resources.

Add to this 5 love Languages by Gary Chapman

I am just finishing Male Menopause, and Surviving Male Menopause books by Jed Diamond and I can highly recommend them to men and women on these boards.

Also Read the whole thread on the above link there are more suggestions for all 13 pages. Just reread part of it and all the books I recently read are on it.


Me-67, D35,S34
Cadet #1969446 03/29/10 11:04 AM
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Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Sue Johnson - helpful for understanding why we become disconnected from our spouses, and reconnect again


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
june72 #1969506 03/29/10 12:58 PM
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Chapman's "Five Love Languages."

MWD's "Divorce Remedy."

"Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus."

"Love and Respect," by Eggerichs.

"His Needs, Her Needs," by Harley.

Those would be my "Big Five." Specifically, for:

Infidelity:

"NOT Just Friends," by Glass.

"Surviving an Affair," by Harley.

"After the Affair," by Janice Spring.

Self-Improvement:

"No More Mr. Nice Guy," by Glover.

"Hold onto your N.U.T.S." by Levine.

Puppy

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-Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men
Wayne Levine
Outside of DR this is one of the better books I have read in awhile.
I didnt care to much for him trying to "pitch" his retreats throughout the book, but the rest of it was very good.


M:40
W:40
D: 21
S: 18
D: 17
Md: 18 years
-1/19/2010 W wants out
-6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Wired #1969550 03/29/10 02:00 PM
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Thanks so much everyone!!!

Pilot- gold, absolute gold. Will have to extract some of that stuff.

Here is a book that is slightly off topic but I really found helpful-
Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life, by Spencer Johnson

written in the style of a parable or business fable. It describes change in one's work and life, and four typical reactions to said change by two mice and two "littlepeople", during their hunt for cheese. A New York Times business bestseller since release, Who Moved My Cheese? remained on the list for almost five years and spent over 200 weeks on Publishers Weekly's hardcover nonfiction list


M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
june72 #1969552 03/29/10 02:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
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june72 Offline OP
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Credit below goes to Snodderly and Sting from a thread in the MLC archives:

Depression:

The Depression Source Book by Brian P. Quinn, C.S.W., Ph.D.
Understanding Depression by Raymond DePaul, Jr., M.D.
The Secret Strength of Depression by Frederic Flac
I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real
Unmasking Male Depression by Archibald Hart
The Pain Behind The Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch, Christopher T. Kilmarting
The Noonday Demon, An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon
Unholy Ghosts, Writers on Depression by Nell Casey
Depression, Questions You Have...Answers You Need by Sandra Salmans

Personality Disorders:

I Hate You–Don't Leave Me: Understanding Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kriesman, Hal Straus
Stop Walking On Eggshells by Paul T. Mason
Narcissism–Denial Of The True Self by Alexander Lowen, M.D.
Narcissism and Character Transformation, The Psychology of Narcissistic Character Disorders by Nathan Schwartz-Salant
Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited by San Vaknin, Ph.D.
Why Is It Always About You, Saving Yourself From the Narcissistic In Your Life by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW
Living with the Passive Aggressive Man, Coping With Hidden Aggression–From The Bedroom to The Boardroom by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D.
Nasty People: How To Stop Being Hurt By Them Without Becoming One of Them by Jay, Psy.D Carter
Controlling People, How To Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans
Stop Being Manipulated by George H. Green, Ph.D., Carolyn Cotter, MBA
In Sheep's Clothing, Understanding And Dealing With Manipulative People by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.

Mid-Life Subjects:

Men in Mid-Life Crisis by James Conway
Your Husband's Mid-Life Crisis by Sally Conway
Surviving Male Menopause, A Guide For Women and Men by Jed Diamond
Male Menopause by Jed Diamond
Understanding Men's Passages by Gail Sheehy

Abusive Subjects:

Allies in Healing, When The Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As A Child by Laura Davis
Abused Boys, The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter
Victims No Longer, Men Recovering From Incest And Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

Miscellaneous Subjects:

When A Mate Wants Out, Secrets for Saving a Marriage by Jim and Sally Conway
Moving On After He Moves Out by Jim and Sally Conway
Love Must Be Tough, New Hope for Families In Crisis by Dr. James C. Dobson
The Myth Of The Greener Grass, Affair-Proof Your Marriage, Restore Your Love, Recover Your Dreams by J. Allan Petersen
Mars and Venus, The Languages of Love by John Gray, Ph.D.
After the Affair: Healing The Pain and Rebuilding Trust When A Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms, Phd Spring, Michael Spring
What About The Big Stuff, Finding Strength and Moving Forward When The Stakes Are High by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis
Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson, M.D.
Relationship Rescue by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.
Solo Partner by Phil Deluca


M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
june72 #1969554 03/29/10 02:03 PM
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june72 Offline OP
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From MBW on the MLC archives:

Here are some other good ones I have read, or that were recommended to me by relationship councilors over the last while. Some have some good scientific facts, others add a little humor, but they are all helpful:

His Needs, Her Needs How to affair proof a marriage - by Dr. Harley (works for marriages that arent in an adultry situation too.)

How To Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities - Dr. John Lund

The Case for Marriage- Linda Waite and Maggie Gallasker

Avoiding Emotional Divorce - Dr. John Lund

Hope for the Separated: Wounded marriages can be healed - Gary Chapman

Marital Relationships Seminar - Douglas E. Brinley

Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps - Barbara Pease

Why Marriages Succeed of Fail: And How you can Make Your's Last - John M. Gottman

When Men Batter Women: New INsites into Ending Abusive Relationships - John M. Gottman

The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy - John M. Gottman


M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
june72 #1969555 03/29/10 02:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 821
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june72 Offline OP
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From Deb M in the MLC Archives:

Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs, by Dave Carder

Getting Back Together: How to Create a New Loving Relationship With Your Old Partner and Make It Last, by Masa Goetz

The former is helpful in understanding how affairs get started, types of affairs, stages both spouses go through, etc. The latter has a lot of info about working on yourself while you're separated, that I think could be beneficial whether you get back together or not


M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
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