My husband that suffers from depression left on Nov. 6th and moved in with his father and step-mother. He filed for a no-fault divorce in the middle of Jan. When I got the papers I called him a mess then calmed down waited a couple of hours and called back and told him I will give him what he wants and he had NO clue to what I was talking about. I said the divorce and he said he didn't want it and then changed the subject really quick!! He stopped taking his meds 3 weeks before he left and I had no clue! Thought he was just stressed due to work etc. He was snapping at me and the kids..little things and then all of a sudden left. Said it was the marriage creating his depression. His parents do not believe in depression so they agreed. We have been married 13yrs. and they weren't in our lives with his last episode so they have NO clue. He started to take his meds. at the end of Jan. and by the end of Feb. was calling and joking around. That lasted for 2 to 3 weeks then all of a sudden back to the angry husband! Oh, by the way his parents are pushing for the divorce. Here he admitted to me that he stopped taking the meds again saying he didn't need them and wasn't taking pills the rest of his life. At first I begged and pleaded for him to come home and then I stopped. I purchased Divorce Busting and trying very hard not to call or anything! This weekend coming he is finally getting his own place, which my counselor said from the beginning if he would just get out of their house and be on his own he will realize what he has done! She counseled him before for his depression but now he refuses any help at all! Me and my daughter go because we are a mess (she is 12yrs. old). My son from a previous marriage is also very bitter but he is 18 and I can't make him go. He claims he's ok but he's not. This is the only father he knows plus my in-laws and my husband don't bother with him at all since the separtation! These are people that claim I was the best thing for him (my husband) and that they loved all of us soooo much and not even a phone call to see how we are doing!!!! They know how financially hard it is on me and the kids and also know that I have no other family! Dad passed years ago and mom is sick with brain tumors!! Not only did he leave us but so did they! I love him so much and now I'm in a deep depression and don't know where to turn or what to do!! Then over his visit with our daughter on the weekend she came home very upset because he had my name (tatoo) removed. She wants him to come home so bad and I told her everything will be ok either way. I don't know why he had to do that or why he would do it! I understand that when depressed he is a very angry person and doesn't think clearly but this pushed me and her over the edge I think. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! _________________________ M 41 H 35 D 12 S 18 Separated 11/08
Gypsy, this is awful!!! I don't think there is any hope that he will ever come to his senses!!! His step-mother is running the show!! I said it from the beginning, and everyone told me once he moves out of there which was 2 weeks ago yesterday he will realize!!! Well, at the hearing he didn't even go in, his step-mother did!!!! She gave me a look that could have killed me!! Then in the hearing his lawyer said to the judge and my lawyer that their finished!!! He doesn't want to see his daughter either!! When the judge asked for an explanation to why he doesn't want to see her his lawyer used some kind of legal babel, not having to give an explanation!!!
How could he do this to his own daughter??? I know that the step-mother had something to do with this mess from the beginning!!! Her and his father have been with him at every hearing!!! What man at his age takes them to handle or to be with him??? I'm such a mess that I didn't come into work again after the hearing and stayed on the couch all weekend!!!
I read the report that the counselor sent in and it said that our daughter was concerned with his mental stabilty and so on. I know that our daughter has been saying Daddy's not Daddy so now I don't know what to think!!! Don't know whether to think he is mad at our daughter or what the hell is going on!
Oh, also the report said that they wanted to know what Dr. prescribed the Zoloft for him and what Dr. told him he could stop taking it. So I don't know if they didn't want to admit it or what. I just don't understand any of this!!!
Any insight would be greatful!!! I'm losing all hope because of the parents being involved!! They are the type to just keep pushing the divorce and all of this and I know he thinks they love him and I know his father does but I also know that the step-mother doesn't!!! She is sooo controlling and only her daughters ever counted since the day I met her not any of my father-in-laws children!!!
My husband is the only one that speaks to them out of 4 children, plus one of her daughters doesn't allow her to control her so they butt heads all of the time!!
I just can't believe how much I'm hurting right now!! It's getting worse instead of better!! _________________________ M 41 H 35 D 12 S 18 Separated 11/08
I was doing good and detaching a little then it all blew up again! Like I told you before my h suffers from anger depression and he left me the meanest voice mail.
Our D13 was upset because he didn't go to her swim meet on Sat. He lied to her and told her he had somewhere else to be. So I got so angry for the first time in a long time and sent him a voice mail and asked him to please stop hurting her. She should come first in his life and that she was hurt. I was nice and calm when I left the message and just asked him to please stop hurting her, she doesn't deserve it. He could treat me like that but to please stop doing it to her.
His response was that he is going to tell her that he won't be at any more of her swim meets because he can't stand to be in the same room as I am in. And he also can't wait for the D to be over already. As he is saying this he was soooo cocky and mean.
Since the separation he has been off and on his meds and when he is on them he is nice and acts like himself. He has been off of them now since Nov. or Dec. I just can't believe he can be so mean, I have never seen him like this before in 14yrs.! I know he is drinking a lot! He also has been saying he is broke to everyone because of the child support that he pays and runs off and buys a brand new laptop and some fancy t.v. And me like a fool didn't turn in the co-pays for our D13 that he is suppose to pay 60% for because I believed him when he said he had to take a pay cut etc. and now it is too late I think to turn them in.
All of our friends and some of our family can't believe that he is acting like this at all. They use to say he loved me more than I loved him and he was the most kindest person. So when I got the message of course I cried and cried. I have been ignoring the comments that he makes to our D13 for over a month and not let him push my buttons so I call or text him crying or being upset and thought that I was doing a good job but I guess not.
Some of our friends are wondering because he doesn't bother with them anymore either if he is in a MLC besides the depression. Also, his grandfather passed away and instead of him calling me so I could sit down and tell the kids he tells D13 over the phone. He said he didn't want our daughter there and then I said well I would like to go for a few min. to pay my respects and he says "I don't think that would be a good idea". So I didn't go. I sent a platter and left a message for his step-mother and father saying how sorry I was for their loss.
Me and my S19 wanted to go because we all loved his grandfather but I think he didn't want any of us there because he was afraid someone might ask one of us a question about the D and he would get caught in his lies. See he talks to his real mother now after not speaking to her in 12yrs. and knows that his father would have a fit! And that is another reason I think he keeps D13 away from them now also. So she doesn't slip up or anything.
What do you think I should do from here? Could really use your advice! I know about getting healthy for myself etc. and detaching, but I'm also praying for him to get better. I really want this M saved somehow, someway!
My D13 and I were talking last night right before we went to bed and she made a comment about what my husband said, well asked me a question? She said "Mom, I don't know if it is good or bad?" I asked what hunny? And she said on Sunday when me and daddy were by ourselves he said if he was to come home he doesn't know if him and S19 could get along? Now remember my son moved out, but I guess my H knows that if he decides to come back home I would always take my son back.
And she also said that both of them, meaning the kids, push me around. Which they do! Since he has been gone they have taken such advantage of me, because they know that there is no man around to correct them.
What do you think? Is H finally realizing what he is missing or is he finally coming to his senses?
Update. Me and H ended up being together on the 17th of March and we talked a little and one thing led to another. H was going to come to the house and get the water off of the pool but when he found out that my girlfriend was there we started joking around and he said he wouldn't come to the house since she was there. So as we were joking around he told me that his door wasn't locked. I asked him if he wanted me to come to his apartment and he said ya. That's how this whole thing started last Wednesday. Then as I was leaving we talked about maybe dating. H said Sundays aren't good for him anymore since his schedule changed at work so, the next day when I got home from work I texted him and asked him if he thought about what days or nights would be good for him and his response was no.
I asked why and he just said it wasn't a good idea. Now when I was leaving his apartment he said he loved me more than just the mother of his child and then when I asked why it wasn't a good idea he comes off with "the feelings aren't there."
Then I go and text him that I guess I was right that he had used me for sex. His response was whatever I got to go.
So then I wait a few hours thinking I'm DBing and tell him he was right and it wouldn't be a good idea after I saw him drinking booze after he ran out of beer. Told him that beer was one thing but that I couldn't put up with him drinking the hard stuff and I wasn't sure how I felt but I will stand. I don't thinks he knows what I meant by standing.
But made a big slip when I told him that our D13 and everyone else said that if he loved us he would be home but then again if he came home he would probably leave again. He responded again with "whatever already don't start with me please.
I waited for 2 days to pass and asked him if he was going to please take the water off the pool cover and he said when he had time. I haven't heard from him since then which was Sat.
Now he had time to do it because he dropped D13 off at the house on Sat. and I was upstairs and yelled to her and asked if daddy started getting the water off the cover (it takes 5 min. to start and finish it) and she said no.
So now I'm more confused than ever! Not all of my sitch is here because I don't know how to attach the link to my other thread. It has been almost 17 months and I'm so scared now that he isn't coming home. Is this normal behavior for a person going through a MLC?
I know they do now Mach1. I was on newcomers for the past year so I wasn't sure if this was a MLC or just his regular depression. I know I'm wasting a lot of time and energy, but just can't stop thinking about this whole mess. It consumes me all day at work and where ever I am. All I do is think and think. I'm so depressed that I'm on my 4th antidepressant and lost over 25lbs that I couldn't afford to lose.
I wish I was as strong as alot of the people on this site! I was always told that I was a strong person and thought I was until this bomb hit. I feel so weak!
Yes, they are from another thread. I don't know how to attach it. So the first post is my beginning and then the middle and the March one, when we together is just this past week.
Do you need links to the resources? I can post them on your thread if you would like. You have been around a while so maybe you have already found them? Let me know.
