Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[iwantittowork]

So forgiving myself is something I'm still working on. I can't take it back. My future shouldn't have to be defined by my past...should it?

No. Unless you plan on repeating the past. I firmly believe you do not.

However, you won't move forward without forgiving yourself for the past. You can't change it, so you must forgive it. Acceptance of that is the first step. You must accept it, and then forgive, then use the lessons of the past to shape your future, even though you can't predict your future.

Living in the here and now is where you should be, Today. What are you doing right now? Focus on that first, not your past, nor your future.

[Coach]

My future shouldn't have to be defined by my past..

How much have you learned, grown, changed and improved over the last twelve months? Your future will be shaped by the actions you take today. You were wise and brave enough to look at yourself and make healthy change for yourself. Not everyone can do what you have done.

"Love your neighbor as yourself." Name one person you wouldn't forgive for making a mistake.

When I was first seperated I used to have awful dreams and wake up sobbing. One night I felt a hand on my upper chest by my throat holding me down and a voice saying "Enough, enough, enough." It was God telling me to let go of the hurts I held in, the shame I felt, and the anger that was holding me back. That's when I started "loving myself."

You are handling it.

Cheers

[antlers]

Hello IWITW.

I DO NOT plan on repeating my mistakes of anger, resentment, and abuse. I DO NOT plan on repeating my mistakes due to a failure of compassion.

Forgiving myself for the past is something that I'm working on. I've made progress...but I've still got work to do here. It's not easy. I know I can't change it...this lady says in her book 'forgiveness is letting go of all hopes for a better past.' And I believe in order to learn from the past, a man must 'forgive it.' I have accepted, I know it happened...and I hate it that I was like that.

I agree. The here and now is where we should be living. It's just a hard thing. Like I said earlier, we forgive others easier than we forgive ourselves...and it shouldn't be that way. We should be just as willing to forgive ourselves as we are willing to forgive others!


ps - How are you?

[antlers]

Hi Coach.

Man I always appreciate it when you stop by. Thanks.
"How much have you learned, grown, changed and improved over the last twelve months?" A pantload!
"Your future will be shaped by the actions you take today." I must remember, and believe, that!
"You were wise and brave enough to look at yourself and make healthy change for yourself." Yep, I did do that!
It's too bad that crisis is what motivates us to change!

I can't think of one person that I wouldn't forgive for making a mistake.

I wish He would tell me the same Coach, and have it be as pronounced as it was to you!

Hope so. Got no other choice.

[iwantittowork]

ps - How are you?

Surviving.

Been away from the site, and just living, keeping things going, will post some updates on my thread.

How are you doing Ant?

[antlers]

Hey IWITW.

Glad you're gettin' by.

I got more stuff in the mail today (a ton of it) that I need to supply by 3 weeks time for the Resolution Conference. Good grief! I've already supplied everything...including my sperm count and my grandmothers sister's maiden name ! It's intimidating, ridiculous, and wrong. I feel like everything I've worked for, for decades, is being stripped from me. I wouldn't wish this crap on Hitler!
What's the worst thing that can happen?
It ain't gonna kill me!

[Gardener]

antlers,

What's the worst thing that can happen?
It ain't gonna kill me!

There ya go. Good to hear.
Hang in.

[antlers]

The legal stuff is very intimidating, and scary. But I know that it ain't gonna kill me either! Jusy gotta maintain my coolness and perspective.

[Gardener]

Sometimes looking back, it feels like the few months of the legal was every bit as brutal and as draining as the nearly 1 1/2 year sitch.

[bright_new_day]

I think the few months that the legal struggle went on were worse than anything else. It is hard to look at a person who shared the most intimate parts of your life and see them as an adversary. And they know how to hit you below the belt because they know your weakness. The final day in the guardian ad litem's ofice was horifying. I was afraid of throwing up the entire time. I looked at a man I had loved with all my heart and saw such venom in his eyes, because I didn't back down and let him take my children, leave me destitute, and sail off into the sunset with the OW. I had the nerve to stand up for myself and my children and expect him to support the family he created then destroyed. How dare I!!! I remember my attorney hugging me, then I walked out, hands shaking, got in my car, drove around the block so X wouldn't see me, before I pulled over and cried.