OK after spending the day thinking I realized I'm still thinking of my wife as my spouse instead of just an aquaintance.
Any "relationship" that may come out of it will be based on her lies so is doomed to fail.
I have a question for anyone that might know. My wife has had "feelings" for 5 different men(not all resulted in physical relationships). Each one lasted a shorter period of time than the one before(6 mos. 5mos. 3 mos. 1 month 3 wks). Is this coincidental or is the "high" just not able to be sustained as long? Just found it a bit interesting.
HI D- Hasn't happened to me, but I think your thought about the "high" being unsustainable could be right...it also could be that because she is in a broken state right now..that no relationship will really "work", not even yours!
Sounds positive that some kind of revelation is happening for her more quickly with each relationship...
I do know from experience, that everything hurt more when I thought of H as my spouse..felt much more personal.
My detachment, as it is progressing, has been helped by the fact that we are getting divorced..I HAVE to detach, as he already is long gone from this relationship as it was..
If we ever find each other again, the relationship will have to be new and different(and better)..but for now he is the father of my beautiful daughters..He seems to be a stanger on so many levels...
So..whatever you can do to detach more will help you find peace where you are right now. I think when everyone says focus on yourself, that is one way to start the mental detachment,but the emotional detachment seems to take alot longer and is trickier to accomplish! But if anyone can do this, I know you can!
I hope the job search is proving fruitful! Thinking of you! Have a wonderful weekend!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
Woke up this morning with a clear head. The emotional detachment is what I have struggled with all along.
I have to remind myself that the person I'm seeing is not my wife but a broken individual.
I have no control over what's going to happen with my wife and this guy. I do know for a fact she's already lied to him before they've even gone on their first date. In time her facade will crack and her true Self will come through. I think that's why the "high" isn't lasting as long.
I actually debated letting this guy know what he's getting into but she has to deal with the consequences of her lies.
Put yourself in his shoes.
If you were going on a first date with someone and her ex-husband contacted you out of the blue to let you know that she is a lying cheater, what would you think?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Part of my head clearing yesterday. Even though my intentions would be good, he wouldn't see it that way. He needs to see her for her true self and find out that we're not actually divorced.
I have noticed a pattern with my wife. She has cycled back to the behavior that she exhibited last summer. Almost exactly. - Her lying has increased - She's hitting the bars again even though she's on probation - Instead of OM #2 occupying her time, it is now her computer/Facebook. She's back to not spending time with the kids. - Little things like complaining that the clothes and toys she buys them are brought to my house. When she cycled closer to me it wasn't a problem. Now it's a problem again. - Spending money on frivolous things and then complaining she doesn't have any money. - Searching for OM to be the "one"
Fortunately I've been through this before but this time I know what I'm dealing with.
D, it's good you can recognized the cycles. It sucks that she is doing it again. I am so impressed by the way you are handling all of this and for the way you deal with your W.
I think you posted this earlier, but the cylces seem to be shorter each time?
What I posted before was that her feelings for each OM seemed to be successively shorter for each. I didn't know if that meant anything.
What I'm noticing now is it seems like we've bounced back a year with her current behaviors. If I've read correctly, that means she's resolved one set of issues and is now working on a different set.
