I understand how i should never expect forgiveness, that it is something that i need for me and myabe i am still being selfish in that respoect. I am still with OM so how can i expect him to forgive me. i get that.
I hate to say, but I did get a vibe of selfishness when I read your first posts. If you really want to give your XH something he'd value, leave him alone. Maybe someday he'll express forgiveness to you, but as long as you're with OM, he'll see any expression of remorse from you as hollow.
I have reflected on so much over the last couple years. I know good people can get caught up in something they never intended, and I may myself be soon faced with a decision as to whether to offer my W forgiveness, but have you ever wondered if staying with OM is what is cursing you with this guilt?
You should feel guilty.....destroyed your marriage and caused a tremendous amount of pain
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
The question is what, if anything you have done to deserve forgiveness? You betrayed your husband and in the process hurt him and your children. Those were your choices. You have to live with the consequences. It sounds like the consequences are feeling pretty unpleasant to you now, but your actions were extremely unpleasant to begin with. You are only now beginning to understand how much you hurt your ex. Imagine the consequences for him of your behavior.
If your husband is following the advice on this forum, he is getting on with his life, and detaching from you as much as possible. I agree with the other posters who have advised you to leave your ex alone. He may be forgiving you as part of his own effort to get on with life, but that really is about him, not about you.
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
