2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

Cautious,
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
Will definitely consider all of that.

At this point I am trying to move forward in life.

[Cautious]

Okay, okay. I'll stop... or try to. Keep me up to date on all your adventures with your children! How lucky they are!

[whitneypinch]

Oh, no worries.
It's just that I am at the stage where my EW will sign her email with love and/or (hugs) but I can't get her to move forward.

Yes my kids and I are so very fortunate to experience all that we do. Whenever I meet a new lady friend they all appreciate the father I am. I only wish my EW appreciated that enough to work on reconciliation.

Each day is a new one.

[Quart9]

Reading this thread also scares me. I can't imagine it being this tough for another two years. STBEW and I have no kids so I am hoping that two years from now I will have been able to forgive and forget her.

Your kids are lucky to have such a good dad Whitney. It sounds like communicating with your EW is real torture for you. I read where you said you have no interest in dating but if you did begin to see someone it might help relieve you from thinking about your EW, plus it might make her a little jealous?!

Its either a blessing or a curse but my STBEW doesn't communicate with me and I try not to communicate with her unless I have to. I hope this will ease the process of the D and my moving forward.

[whitneypinch]

Hello Quart,

Thanks for posting.

Everyone is different so who knows where you will be 2 years from now.

I think having NC is the better way to go. I find that when I do have contact I feel awful afterwards.
Some days are better than others. I tend to post on my bad days, so know that I do have good days as well.

Yes, it does get better when you finally meet someone else.
MWD is right. When you have kids together divorce does not end your contact with each other. That makes moving on for some of us very difficult.

[Golfgirl1]

Wait! What do you mean by, "It does get better when you finally meet someone else"?? Please don't say you define your life by having a significant other. IMHO, you have to be okay with being alone and become a whole person again before even entertaining the idea of being with someone else. I spent several months searching for someone to ease the pain....only to realize that someone had to be me. Are you in the place where you are feeling really good about yourself? How are the kidlets?

Just my opinion....

[whitneypinch]

Thanks for the post.

Everyone is different. For me I really enjoy experiencing things with others.
My EX was my ideal companion. We did all our activities together.
For me I am much happier sharing my life with someone.

Last year I treked to the basecamp of Mt. Everest alone.
I would have much prefered to do it with someone I liked.

Had a great week with my kids. We skied, went to museums, maple syrup festival, and cooked many great meals together.
As great as it was I wished that my EW was with us. Family is important to me.

[Golfgirl1]

I totally understand and I am the same way, I enjoy experiencing with others. For me, I know I will have that again and it will be even better. Yes, sharing experiences with someone you love is the best.

In 2003 I trekked to Annapurna South Base Camp with some fellow teachers. In 2005 I taught English In Romania and in 2006 I volunteered in an orphanage in Peru. I experienced all of this without my stbxh and that won't happen again. This was supposed to be the summer I headed to Tanzania and Kilimanjaro, but that ain't happening. Someday....

Glad to hear you had some great time with your kids and I'm sure they loved the time with you.

[Augtan]

Whitney..you still out there? I think I like to punish myself! I am losing it! We went on spring break as a family, my XH came too. It was very up and down, we spent time talking about everything..he still isn't ready to come home and won't consider dating me long-distance. We slept together a few times, the last time was incredible and unforgetable! But, then I went back home and to him it was like nothing ever happened. He refused to recognize we were together to his friends, says that he is actively dating and everyone knows everyone and it wouldn't look good for him to have gone on Spring Break with his XW!!

I was devestated that he just denied our trip and wanted to pretend it never happened, so I got very upset, we had it out, and now are basiclly not talking at all. I told him before the blow up that if by December, he had gotton his s**t together and wanted to make our family whole again, I would move back down there. Then, the blow up, and I told him that was off the table.

I have pretty much gone dark gray on him, can't go completely black due to the kids. He seems to like living his life like he is 21 again. Goes out almost every night, always on the weekends, gets drunk. One of my friends who hangs in his same group said she was out at the same bar as him on Friday night and he just sat at the table drinking, didn't try to hit on women or anything. But, I figure he is dating someone and she had her kid(s) and couldn't go out.

He is coming up here to see the kids in a few weeks and then again in a few weeks after that. I really think I have come to a place where I don't want him back anymore. He is just sooo messed up and not the person I married at all. I can't seem to get him to see what really matters in life and I just need to leave him alone completely, which I truly have never done.

If he is happy living like this then that is his deal. I cannot imagine meeting a 43 yr. old man who lives with another man, acts and drinks like he is 21, let his wife and kids move 700 miles away and didn't care, let his house go to shortsale, cheated on his wife of 18 years, etc and want to date him. But, if some desperate woman thinks she can change him and that their love is so much better and different that he won't do it to her..then she can go for it!

I just hate being divorced and being alone. Thought I found a good guy, but he turned out to be a user too. I am done looking..they say "you don't find love, love finds you". But, if I barely leave my house cause I am raising three kids alone, how is love gonna find me?

A

[whitneypinch]

Yep, I am still here.
Ahhhh my heart goes out to you.
I hear your pain 100%.
Your husband sounds like a classic MLC and as you know you can't do anything
to change that.

I too have spent a couple of outings with my ex wife and our kids. I had the best time BUT was left completly empty and hurt afterwards.

About a month ago I stopped initiating contact with my ex.

I will tell you it has helped 100%. I don't obsess about her as much anymore.
She does contact me every few days about the kids. Sometimes she tries to spark
up conversation but I keep it professional just about the kids. This is one of the hardest
things I have ever had to do. Of course I want to talk to her and spend time together BUT every time I go there it gets me nowhere. In fact it just brings more pain.
So for me having no contact has really helped.

I feel exactly how you do about going out etc. I have 2 kids.
Divorce is awfull.

Sorry for all the spelling issues. I am trying to post off my iPhone and it won't let me go back and correct anything. Arrrg

Hope this helped a bit
up a conversation but I don't bite. I