CW, I did DB the first 18 months or so we were separated. He was back and forth (the back part was usually so quick my head spun) but once he seemed to go for good, it took all my focus to be civil and pretend he didn't exist.
It was a pretty profound feeling when I finally realized that I could still love him (or love who he had been) and didn't have to "get over" him, but that didn't mean I was sitting around with my life on pause waiting for him to come back anymore. Just like you can't make yourself love someone, you can't make yourself not care about them either. You don't have to get over someone before you're allowed live your life for you again and I guess that's the phase I had moved on to. I didn't come to the boards anymore and didn't really even think about our sitch anymore.
Once thing that was kind of creepy was last summer, Memorial Day to be exact, for some strange reason I was very sad. Sad like I hadn't been in years. I dug out a stack of greeting cards he had given me over the years with his written promises of love and took them outside and burned them in my fireplace.
Two days later, after more than 3 years of nothing other than an occasional "hello" (I made a point to try not to speak to him at all when we exchanged our son) he called me under the guise of asking about some old paperwork on a pull behind trailer he had. At the end of the brief conversation, he told me he had taken our son to the zoo the week before and he was wondering if someone I would like to go with them and that he thought our son would really have a great time with both of us there. That was the last thing I expected. As far as I knew, at that point he had had a girlfriend for the past couple of years (whore! :D).
The rest of that story (brief tunnel exiting) I think is in my beginning posts in this thread, but the creepy part is that maybe my sadness that day and subsequent burning of things that had meant a lot to me was more letting go and he (or someone or something) felt it too somehow and made a move back towards me. The timing of all that was amazing though. Seriously though, if I had known that's what it would take, I'd have burned his crap years before!
Hang in there CW. Let yourself feel what you feel. That's what's great about these boards--no one here tells you to get over him/her already and wonders how you could possibly still love them. I'm sure most, if given the choice, would love to "get over it" in a heartbeat, but it doesn't work that way!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
I don't think it was just burning the cards. I think it was your internal state. You could have burned them with a different feeling or no feeling at all. But your ritual matched your feelings of letting go and weirdly he felt it.
I can't explain stuff like this but I do see it happens.
I am just not ready to let go - I wish I could. I mean I could burn all the cards, but my heart wouldnt be in it. Takes time.
Thankyou Freckle for sharing that! I have thought many times of getting rid of those cards etc, but thought "what if" and I'd hate to not have them should he come home but now that I think about it...H is not the man I met and fell in love with right now and IF he should decide to come home someday, he will not be the same man so why hang on to that stuff? But, as I say this, I am nowhere near the point of burning it yet! In fact, if he wanted to come home tomorrow, I would not be prepared for that!
Keeping you in my prayers and will keep coming here for inspiration!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW, I felt the same way. For a very long time I couldn't bear the idea of throwing those mementos away or otherwise destroying them. He was always great in that he actually read through cards and picked ones that meant something to him and wrote sweet, sweet things in them. I refused to believe that man was gone.
Years passed though and that day I got very mad. No reason at all--it was just a wave of grief and anger and suddenly I couldn't stand the thought of that stuff in my house anymore. It was a pile of lies because he obviously didn't mean it when he said he'd love me forever. They had lost all their precious meaning and I didn't want (or need) to keep them anymore.
Thank you for your prayers. You'll be in my thoughts too. I so wish I had a magic wand I could wave and make everything all better for everyone here.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I have the sunday night blues--missing H after spending time with him over the weekend.
The green eyed monster paid a visit this weekend. I am having some minor work done on my house and there were some workers here last week. All week H would jokingly ask me if any of them had hit on me yet. As if.
Friday I guess they cooked themselves some hotdogs for lunch outside (our weather was beautiful last week. We went from waist high snow 2 weeks ago to 65 degrees) and they fixed me a plate. I had already eaten and put it in fridge. My son had the day off school so he was there and he apparently he ratted me out to H that night.
He was teasing me (or I thought he was) about it Friday night. I told him he was being cute. Saturday I was talking to him and he started asking about it again (WTF? it was a hotdog and potato chips!). He admitted it really, really bothered him. I guess this must be some code in man world that means more than, "Hey, we had some leftover lunch. Here's a plate to thank you for not being one of those annoying homeowner's who hover and critique every little thing we do."
I told H he was welcome to pee in a corner or something here if he wanted to mark his territory. Who divorced who here? Hmmm.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
