I never really did get over him. No matter how much I tried. I did really accept that he was gone though, but that just eventually came after so much time has passed.
Freckle, I appreciate your honesty. People put on a brave face about D, but I wonder how many truly do get over their spouses, especially those who share children with them.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
No, I'm not going. I've never had anyone to watch my little guy so I haven't ever gone to any of them. How are you enjoying your new job? It'll be interesting to see if Ag & Mkts really does get out of their role in dog licensing and it's all on us. Are you going?
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Your posts in your thread about not seeing yourself attracted to anyone else and about being angry over the shared parenting hit home with me. I tried to date two summers ago. We had been separated 3 years by then and a very nice guy that works with my mom was interested in me. We "met up" at a picnic their employer and hung out a bit and he came over for dinner once, but I freaked out and he hadn't even so much as tried to touch me! After the picnic thing I sobbed and sobbed all the way home and I hadn't cried over my H in a long time. I had thought I was ready or close to it, but I wasn't. It brought all those old feelings out and really threw me back into it for a while again.
I decided that while I wasn't ready for any sort of relationship, I was actually pretty happy and content with my life the way it was with myself and my son and that was all I needed at this point. I also accepted that I probably always would love my H in some way--he had been a major part of my life from the time we were 12---and I mourned for the man he was and in no way resembled anymore. I never did get over the anger at the change in raising kids though. Anger at making me miss out of half of important events (like Christmas stuff with my in-laws, etc.) of my son's childhood. Anger at having my son not sleeping under my roof every night. In a way that got worse over time because my son was so little in the beginning, he didn't know any different, but the last couple of years he gets sad and says he misses his daddy and all that and it really p!ssed me off in that mother bear way. And lots of anger at him leaving me to do this all on my own while he gets to be fun dad who spends the weekend at the park.
I've envied people that seem to be able to move on fairly quickly. That certainly wasn't me. It's hard enough for me to let down the wall enough to let my H back in, I don't know if another man exists that would ever be able to break through that. It's hard, for sure.
Don't let all what I just said though get you down. I was actually happy the last few years and not just going through the motions of life anymore. Mad about what happened still, but happy with the lemonade I made out of those lemons, KWIM? So, no matter what happens in your M, you will be happy again. Once you're down there at the bottom, you have to eventually go up, right? It may turn out to be a bittersweet happiness in some ways, but you learn to appreciate what you do have (your kids, your health, etc.) in a way you might not have pre bomb.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
That's to bad I have heard that you learn a ton and that you have a lot of fun. Yes I am going. It will be a lot better when taxes are done and I have more time to concentrate on the Town clerk end and find where the previous TC put anything. I have gotten everything upgraded as far as computer goes. Parish TC said she had talked to Ag and Mkts and they said it will be happening in 2011. We'll see.
Things seem to be going well with your sitch. I have not posted to anyone as i have not had anything going on to post about but have been following.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Eek. Taxes! We have a separate tax collector so I don't have to do that. This is my slowest time--in between hunting season and before building permits pick up. Do you use any of the special clerk software? With the dog changes I might be able to get our board to spring for some, assuming they revamp it for printing dog license bills.
Hope you have fun!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
It does make me feel better to know this is normal. THe thing about my son is the BIGGEST issue I have. It's the reason I don't detach or let go very easily. Thank you for showing me we can survive!
Freckle! Your thread is just what the Dr. ordered tonight! My H filed a D, he is in the midst of a midlife crisis w/ OW. I just needed to see some good things. I know this may not happen in my sitch but I was struck by the comment you made about never really getting over him but had accepted that he was gone! I am still working on the accepting stage but getting there!
Did you DB during your seperation?
Anyway, wishing you luck and will keep checking on you!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
After the picnic thing I sobbed and sobbed all the way home and I hadn't cried over my H in a long time. I had thought I was ready or close to it, but I wasn't. It brought all those old feelings out and really threw me back into it for a while again. 
It may turn out to be a bittersweet happiness in some ways, but you learn to appreciate what you do have (your kids, your health, etc.) in a way you might not have pre bomb.