Freckle that is tricky because it seems like he's opening the door and you're not walking in! And he might even have taken the "going in hiding" comment as you slamming the door in his face! I'm not going to advise you because I've never been in piecing, but it sounds like he's trying to indirectly ask you if he can move back in...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Ok, girl, you already know what to do - R talk time! He's putting it out there, and you are running from the discussion. Time to sort out what you want and need, then figure out how to communicate that with H. Remember to listen and validate too. But first go through all your fears and hopes both in your journal. Sort out all the dark corners of your mind on this so you are clear with yourself. Then, time to give H the cliff notes version
Echo H4L time to decide how you want to play this hun! You definitely need some rules of engagement before he merrily moves back in and starts happily reorganising your life.. not in a nasty way more in a honeymoon sorta way.. I can smell resentment a mile off from your post so the only way your gonna settle this is to really decide what you need and the dreaded R talk has got to happen.. Perhaps staggering the R talk will help you a bit.. so perhaps question 1 what ever you want to know.. then ask for some to consider it.. dont do the whole thing in one go other wise you will end up a scared rabbit and run for the hills and lets face it no one would blame you..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Nothing much to really update--this is a good thing though!
I am feeling much more secure with "us". I don't start freaking out if I don't hear from him first or keep a tally of who is contacting who how often anymore. He still talks a lot about doing this or that to my/our house. He has lots of big plans which also include rehabbing an old farmer's Grange building that is adjacent to my house into a few apartments for "our retirement"...
Last weekend he referred to himself as being "my man". I've been on a list for 4 years for a grant for some weatherization help with my house. Well, I'm finally at the top of the list so there have been some guys here this week doing some insulating and other stuff and H asked me yesterday if any of them hit on me---the jealousy is nice.
Still waiting for an ILY though, dammit! Only somewhat serious about that though. I know with 100% certainty he does love me and that is what matters--not the words.
Oh, this year is his parents 50th anniversary. He mentioned to me a few weeks back they were having a party. Last night his mom told me/(invited) about it too and it's going to be pretty large. I won't go unless he specifically invites me to go with him though. For those that don't commit every minute detail of my life to memory, we married on his parent's anniversary so it would be our anniversary also (11th if you ignore that meaningless piece of paper from Jan. that said we're divorced now). It'll be interesting how this plays out... It's not till the beginning of June though so we have a couple months yet.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
So you haven't had a R talk? It all sounds so wonderful. But isn't it time to talk about "us"? Especially with your little one involved...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What exactly do you mean by a R talk? We talk about us and the future often in bits and pieces. No formal 5 year plan or anything. LOL
I do make a point to stay, I'm sure of the words I'm looking for, but kind of neutral when he gets on those topics. I'm long past the begging and pleading and trying to convince him stage so I want to make sure I'm not pushing him into anything.
I guess I look at our R now as dating seriously, but unlike regular dating usually, we both have the same final "goal" in mind that we want to be together as a happy family. I'm enjoying this stage and don't feel the need to rush anything after all this time apart.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
That makes sense Freckle . I love how confident you sound.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Freckle you are still my idol. How did you do it? How did you get over him first of all? That seems like the way to see if there is real hope, instead of all this desperate hope I fall in and out of!
I never really did get over him. No matter how much I tried. I did really accept that he was gone though, but that just eventually came after so much time has passed.
But really, I was far from detached. I couldn't even look at him because I despised him was so angry with him for what he had done to my life and my son.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
. I love how confident you sound.