I agree that your children will take their cue from your attitude. Make the most of the time you have with them. I find that mine sometimes wait to do things until they are with me.
Things have a way of working out.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew....I know I haven't communicated much directly to you, but, I want to thank you for your support..today...prior. I've read your posts here and on other's threads. Thank you...from me.
To john....I admire you and the other fathers here who, despite the 'raw deal' we get, continue to push through and take care of their kids. I've posted to other men here in the past, that, our girls will choose men based on who WE are and how WE nurture them. It behooves us to set the standard for them. They need to learn from us that we love them...that we are there for them...that we show them we listen to them and show them affection. The Difference a Dad Makes
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, I think you will get used to the "bad" routine. All 3 of you. You will find ways to compensate for the missed hours, you will continue to be the best dad they could have. I am not a dad, but I've watched my kis with their dad. He has been good to them lathough he had even less time than what you will be getting. They love him dearly, they looked up to him, they felt close to him. The connection with your kids is strong and will get stronger. K
I read the book FIB....and leaf through it on a regular basis (not to get too graphic but it is in my bathroom library). I owe it to my daughter to be the best dad I can be....I may not have sworn an oath when I had a child but to me there is no bond which is deeper than parent and child.
FIB - sorry that the inequalities of the family law justice system are keeping you from your children.
Of some comfort is that as your children get older, they will have more of a say as to how much time they want to spend with you and even eventually have a say as to whether they want to live with you instead of your Ex-W.
It's obvious that you are a caring and loving father and they will grow up knowing this and wanting to have as much time with you as they can.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Frank-- I haven't posted to you before, but I have kept up with your thread--sometimes simply to restore my faith in men.
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I remember how excruciating it was not to see my D every day. Over the past 2 years I have adjusted to it; I'm not happy about it, but we find a way to stay just as connected. First--there's nothing that prevents you from talking with them at bedtime each night, even when they're not with you, or after school, and you can still attend school and sports events even if it's not your "day." Ex's tend to act more reasonably in public. Second, I'll echo the sentiments of others--and throw in my own experience--and predict that once all the legal games are over, your ex will welcome you taking your children for extra time; she will return to her routine, such as it is, and will need more free time for herself. I hope you have a "right of first refusal" clause for those times.
This is absolutely horrible and painful, and I won't argue that. But you are a wonderful dad, and your children know that, and you will keep being a wonderful dad and adjust to the changes. And your time with your children will be low stress and without the distraction of all the craziness you've been dealing with, and you will be a refuge for them. Please don't despair--it will work out better than it appears right now.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
FIB... Start new bedtime routines.... If you read them a story, then read to them when they are at the exs too...if she balks at it, record yourself reading a story and send them with a tape (or a CD)
I believe too that your ex will want more free time give her time to toss that too you
Frank...prayers for you and yours..I've been through this 2 times so i know how you feel..My boy was 10..my girl was 2...
you will start new traditions..you will find new ways to make their timeas with you special. you will create new memoeries that they will never ever forget..
what you become now...is what they will remember...they will remember a father...a good dad...who was their rock when the world around them crumbled...most of all hold your head high and know you fought the fight for the kids...
