Thanks girls! Andabelle, it never stops being amazing!
I've remembered the lessons I learnt when he left and all the IC I had. I am a different person nowadays and our R is more loving and equal as a consequence. I'm not insecure, but it IS lovely and also important to me, to be engaged now after all that went on. I mean, the way he just walked out like that, its still shocking that he could have been so ..cruel. To abandon me down here where we had not long moved, in a big expensive house, with me struggling at college anyway and I had no friends here or job even! Its not something that ever comes to mind when I am with him and it all feels like a very long time ago.. but it did still happen. And it altered me forever and I dont suppose I would ever be as complacent as I was pre-bomb. I have forgiven him, but that doesnt mean I have forgotton, because it really was a shitty thing to do to someone, just a few weeks warning, no discussion, no voice, no chance, to be so brutal.
But thats a consequence of him being emotionally unhealthy and getting to a crisis point in himself and his own personality that needed to blow apart. You cant make an omelette without breaking eggs right. And he is much happier and contented nowadays and he's even just cut his AD's to just 10mg and I think he will be off them altogether by summer. That will be 5 years after the crisis hit (his Dads death).
I could never read Piecing because it used to upset me, but for those that need any inspiration and are reading, listen to your intuition and cut out the rest of the noise, which is how I never lost hope.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Im new, but i wanted to say urs is such an inspirational story and it really gives me hope.
I'm a WAW so i can kind of empathize with your partner in some respects. I 'woke' up after 10wks but the difference is my H has not taken me back properly yet. My sitch is long and complicated, faults on both sides but my EA did the most damage because my H does not forgive easily. And i don't deserve immediate forgiveness.
What i wanted to ask is referring to your last comment...do you think if you never give up hope and assume and act like everything will come good in the end that life will turn out that way? I sometimes don't want to act happy because my H will think I don't believe what i did was serious. Do you know what i mean?
Congrats on your engagement, you deserve it!!
me 41 H 40 D 10 S 13 S 15 separated in same house 05/09 my A 05-07/09
(((((Ali))))) Besides not giving up hope, the other thing you did was follow the DB advice, even when it felt backwards. You took care of yourself, and didn't let your situation run your life. You made it safe for him to come back. And you alianalyzed now and then! (I just had to use that word one more time!)
Hi everyone, thanks for the birthday messages! Wow, 39 now..eek!! I feel it, seeing as I just filled in our questionnaire for the fertility clinic as no bun in the oven as yet.
Clife - I too had an EA back in 2003, but my bf was very forgiving initially, although I have since discovered he had latent resentment about it! We did talk about it, but I would be the one to say, ok enough now, so on reflection we did succesfully piece after it but we 'papered over the cracks' in some respects, so my advice would be... talk talk and talk. Or, answer all of his questions at least, let him know you are now ready and able to be open and honest and completely there for HIM. As for winning back bf, yep I guess Jeff summed it up (virtually handsome).. I was a very studious DBer, I took all the advice and never let up thinking, planning, reacting to every contact from him, even when it was only a one line text telling me he had a dodgy bowel thing (ha, Jeff helped me reply to that one!)
So I got the ring back its still a buit loose but I am wearing it now so makes it more real! We have been googling venues and cupcakes and Morgan cars for hire and... god knows how we weill afford it with my debts, but we are currently favouring a rather amazing Elizabethan 16th century mansion !! Dream on...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
