new chapter with strange WAW

[jasper67]

^YEP

[v1olin]

Nice job future! I am sure that one really got to her. Not that you were trying to get to her.

[futureunknown]

Thanks v1olin! You're right, I wasn't "trying" to get to her, a good sign I think. I just don't want to deal with her.

Full court press is on. Coached my son's basketball game this morning, last game of the winter season. W brought my son and daughters. Afterwards, W comes up all smiles and says "How about a picture with your team?" So I posed with the team, then she came over and said "H, you do such a great job coaching. You should consider a second career." I smiled a bit, but didn't really reply, nor did I look at her.

I have completely walled myself off. Seems to be working, as I'm managing to stay detached.

Trying to modernize my repetoire a bit. I'm working on "3 am" by Matchbox 20". Cool song. Guitar is pretty easy, but Rob Thomas is an incredible vocalist. We'll see...

[BeingMe]

Good answer! Looks like you're having a lot of fun. You deserve it.

[futureunknown]

I could use a little advice. Last night I had a bit of a confrontation with my W about her crossing a boundary, and as usual, she wants to paint me as the unreasonable selfish one.

Yesterday I picked up the kids from her, first time since she got back from her trip. We left and shortly after I got a text message from her that said my son forgot something and she'd bring it over later that evening. I replied and said sure. The fact that she didn't say what it was made me a bit suspicious, but just a bit.

She shows up and hands my son a little stuffed animal. He seemed happy to get it. W and I discuss some child scheduling stuff and she leaves. Shortly later I find that the stuffed animal was something she brought my son from OM's country. Now I don't care a whole lot about my son having this stuffed animal, but I set a boundary for my W that stuff from OM's country is to stay at her house. I don't want it in my house as it feels disrespectful and intrusive to me. She knows this.

So as usual she has ignored one of my boundaries and intruded into my home. I called her up and stayed calm and said "I thought I made myself clear before. I do not want stuff from <OM's country> in my house." She said "H, listen to me. You are putting your needs above your son's. He loves that toy. You are being selfish." I said "It's going back with him, and not coming back here, or it's going in the trash." She said "Your selfishness is incredible. This has nothing to do with him, it's just leftover cr*p between us." I refused to get pulled into an argument. I said "It's a simple boundary, don't cross it again." She said "Why don't you hurt your son again", and she hung up. She was referring to the first time this came up, and I did deal with it poorly because I was caught off guard at a weak time, on the first day of school last fall, when my son pulled a shirt out of his backpack that was from OM's country. He wanted to wear it to school. I wasn't quite able to maintain my composure, and I told him he had to bring the shirt back to Mommy's house. He said "It's from <OM's country>. Don't you like <OM's country>?" I said "No, I don't." He asked why, and I said with a little anger in my voice "Ask Mommy." He got quite upset and had a bad day at school because of it. I felt horrible, and I later talked with my son and made it ok, but that's when I told my W to keep that stuff at her house.

I really don't care a whole lot about a stuffed animal. I felt I needed to make a stand against her continual disrespect of my boundaries. I knew she'd try to turn it around, but I didn't let her. The way I see it, about a dozen decisions led to that confrontation, the first eleven of which were made by her, but she says I'm selfish because I'm making the 12th one.

My son left the toy at her house, and never mentioned it once. She didn't even call to ask him if he wanted her to bring it to him, and she didn't tell me what it was when she said she had to bring something over. She just wanted to test my boundary, and for once, I maintained it.

Opinions? Am I being petty? I won't actually make any big deal of it and take the toy from son or anything. As musclegal has said here before, it's amazing how friendly and reasonable the WAS is when you're going along with them, but as soon as you oppose them in any way, the claws come out.

[v1olin]

It sounds like she is baiting you into being the "bad guy". She knew what would happen and it is sick that she would use her own son to get to you. Your wife is being a beeeotch. Sorry for that but I have had it with women for a while!

[v1olin]

Keep enforcing the boundaries.

[BeingMe]

I agree -- maintain the boundary. She knew exactly what she was doing. Your son didn't ask for the toy or anything, did he? It's not as if you really care much about her, but you did ask for the boundary and only you can remove it, IMHO.

[futureunknown]

This just gets better and better. My MIL told me something hilarious last night. When my W stopped to drop the stuffed animal off for my son, we discussed childcare plans for the summer. She had previously told me she was going to have a neighbor girl watch the kids for her during her work days, and she asked if I could find someone to watch them at my house too, so the kids don’t have to be put into childcare. I said I’d look into it. Little did I know she was assuming/hoping I’d fail, then I’d have to hand the kids to her on my days so I could work.

One of the women in my social group has a teenage daughter, and I discussed the possibility of her daughter watching the kids for me on my days over the summer. The daughter was very excited and we made the arrangements. Our families have hung out together at parties and such over the past year, and my kids love her, and she's very good with them. This is the family we did some social things with last fall that I know my W heard about from the kids. In one of my previous threads I discussed how my W hunted me down at a basketball game to see if I was there with this other woman. Note that this is not the woman I am casually dating now, but just a friend in my social group.

Sunday night I told my W I had made arrangements for the kids over the summer, and we had a nice calm rational discussion about it. She wanted to know a little about the girl, and I told her, and although she seemed a bit nervous, she took it in stride.

Last night my MIL told me right afterward I talked with my W, my W called her all upset and raving. She said “H is having his girlfriend’s daughter watch the kids over the summer!” MIL was confused and said “What are you talking about?” W said “H has arranged for his girlfriend’s daughter to watch the kids!” MIL is like “Who are you talking about?” Finally W had to say the woman's name, I'm sure from talking to the kids, as I've never mentioned her name. MIL said “She is not H’s girlfriend.” W gets nasty and says “How do you know?” MIL says “W, she is not H's girlfriend.” W gets more agitated and says “How can YOU possibly know that?” MIL said “I know things, and she is not H's girlfriend.” Then W gets more upset and says “Are you my Mom, or his Mom?” MIL says “I’m your Mom, and she is not his girlfriend.” W finally gave in and said “Does he have a girlfriend?” MIL says “I don’t know.” Truly hilarious, then W with newfound swagger says “I wish he did have a girlfriend, it would be good for him.”

I was in tears laughing the whole time MIL was telling me this. Wow.

[v1olin]

LOL! I love it man! This is what is in store for her. So what if you DID have a girlfriend? and so what if you did have her daughter babysit? The WAW just thinks that they control ALL variables of the sitch don't they?