Oh, FIB--this is a "date line" this is a close mutual friend line who was SHOCKED to discover an otherwise seemingly perfect marriage hit the skids in the course of a couple of months. Literally, we had people to our home, went out to dinner with them etc... and had the marriage most people modeled their own on. Affairs don't happen without vulnerability in most cases but sometimes mistakes are made with heavy drinking etc... and can get out of control.
My story with dates is this "Over the years we got busy with work, kids, and life and let little problems turn into big problems." If you date someone long enough though they want to know what the issues were really--who files, who instigated, etc...I don't believe its my responsibility to lie to cover up for a cheater and won't at that point. Until that point however discretion is the rule.
BTW--thanks for the kind words however I have had ZERO problem with celibacy in post marriage life ;-)
The real trick is people that want to become more attached than I am ready for at this point and being careful to set expectations to avoid hurting anyone if possible. My current lady who I have been dating for 2-3 months and for the last couple more exclusively says I certainly don't have a problem with confifence or lack thereof.
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
Elscoto, Me too! I had dinner with the OW's ex a week ago and we compared notes. Very interesting. OW is a narcissist and a "chameleon" and very money-driven. Happy days ahead for him, I'm certain (s
Anyway....loved what you posted and btw, I grew up in Belleville, IL. Do you have your own thread? Mine began last June and is on here somewhere.
Golfgirl--I don't want to be rude and steal the thread so here's my story--
BTW--I live on the IL side about 15-20 minutes north of bellevegas.
Isn't it hysterical comparing notes with the X of the OM/OW? I found out from the OM's Ex that he locked her out of all the username and passwords for their bank and checking accounts--insisted on taking care of everything including mortageg refi's and stuff like that. Spent money freely out of their savings and checking AND my ex had the adacity to call me controlling. I'm the guy who never questions spending/finances/decisions she made etc...Encouraged her to go out with her friends etc...This little relationship ought to be a doozy when she finds out what she got.
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
I hear from him that they fight terribly, of course I knew this.
I have to say, and please forgive me if this sounds harsh, but I get some enjoyment from just watching and observing the demise of their relationship. It is entertaining and I think I deserve at least that. This may not be appropriate DBing, but at this point I don't care.
Elscotto, I use to be so embarrassed about the fact that my ex had an affair with a much younger woman. As time goes on, you really see how much this is so not about you. The more upfront I am about my situation, the better I feel about myself and life. I find it amazing how many other people out there have experienced infidelity.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thanks Trusting. I seem to be arriving at the point where I am no longer embarrassed as much. I still am on occasion but as time goes on and support "seeps" out from friends and mutual friends its apparent that most people have voted their stand on the matter. They just haven't come out and hit my ex or the OM over the head with their judgement--so much more subtle. I guess this is just different than the way I do things in life. My way is to bust through life and be a bull in a china shop and make things happen.
I don't hear much about the way they get along because frankly she and the OM don't have the "life of the party people/popular" people skills that the OM's Ex and I have. Therefore, it doesn't seem they have a lot of things to do and people to hang with so the information I get back is sparse. That's cool with me. I don't see their thing lasting but who knows it may.
Thanks for the feedback.
Scott
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
An affair is difficult for both sexes, but, for men, there are other social implications that can be embarrassing or emasculating. However, when you get past the hurt, you realize as TRUSTING wrote, that it's their issues...no yours...that, yes, it's about them. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Miss H, There is no doubt in my mind that our situations will get better. You are doing all the right things and putting your children first. You have a strength and determination that will get you out of your hell hole. How we proceed is a choice, we make our own fate.......
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I choose to let ex live his life with his soulmate, his one and only, his bimbett.
I choose to not let ex's actions affect my reactions.
I choose to live in peace.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
