Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

Hi Gyps.

Yep. She left in Feb. of 2009, and she's 'still' that pissed!

[Gardener]

Hey, ant,
Been following along. While it could be considered good that W is proposing addressing the grades, it comes across to me a little like a Drill Sergeant rattling off orders ("Get down and give me fifty!")

Unless I missed someone suggesting this already, I'd set up a meeting w/wife and the appropriate (or all) teachers. This would provide you, W, and the teachers with some much needed info and perspective.

Don't read the nastygrams. You can probably tell they're nastygrams within the first couple of words. Stop at that point and delete.

Hang in there.

[antlers]

Hi G.

She is militant. She is pissed! She doesn't want it to be that some of the decisions she's been making has had a disasterous effect on the kids grades. She doesn't want to feel any responsibility for that at all.

Their teachers know what's going on, I know what's going on, and their mother knows what's going on...she just doesn't want to feel any responsibility for it! A meeting right now would serve no purpose; we are in the midst of a nasty divorce, and a nasty custody battle (brought on by her). The children are victims.

Every single bit of communication from her these days has something nasty in it!

The kids and I leave for San Antonio early in the am for Spring Break. The kids are with her right now. I asked if she would mind helping each of the kids pack a bag for their trip...her response was "they can do it themselves"!

[Coach]

Antlers, I heard this story on NPR this morning. Here is the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124582959


This quote made me think of you.

Overcoming Disappointments
In his seventh decade, Kushner wrote Overcoming Life's Disappointments. He says that when people look back on life, they realize that many things they had their hearts set on doing remain incomplete.
"Does that brand your life as a failure? Or can you find the secret ... of failing and not feeling like a failure?" Kushner says. "The difference between a person who has a happy old age and the person who has an unhappy old age is not how successful they were, but it's how much the things they failed at continue to gnaw at them. And no matter what you've achieved, if you're not able to still that little voice of disappointment, you are never going to be happy."

I hope you can get out and ride this weekend.

Cheers

[antlers]

Thanks for the link Coach. The disappointment is a b!tch. Knowing what I do about her, I know it could have been great for both she and I, and our kids, had I been given a chance. So yeah, the disappointment is a monster!

I have been riding some because the weather is finally turning better here. The kids and I are headed to San Antonio for Spring Break in the am. We'll come back Wednesday.

[Gardener]

ant,

I feel for you, friend. You've got a tough, tough sitch.

And while I know you've got to live it every day, don't slip from the living in it reality to the wallowing in it mire.

Have FUN! in San Antonio.

And like Coach just said, go out and ride today.

[antlers]

Thanks G.

I've started riding some, finally, because the weather here is improving. I'm working today.

This situation is tough, I know in my soul that she genuinely loved me in the past...now she HATES me.

I plan on us having a good time on Spring Break. The kids are 12 and 13 and they can be mean and very disrespectful because of the circumstances...manipulative too. Any way, they know I love them. And I'm doin' the best I can under very difficult circumstances.

[Gardener]

ant, I don't remember all the details on your sitch. Nor would I ever hold out any hope when I'm neither informed nor qualified enough to do so but

I know in my soul that she genuinely loved me in the past...now she HATES me.

Anger comes from pain. Pain comes from love. The opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy.
Just sayin' is all...

[antlers]

Hi G.

I don't know. She's just been sending me more mean texts in the past month or so than she has in the past.

Anyway, the kids and I had a pretty good trip in San Antonio. We just got back last night. We had some bumps, but overall it was a good trip for us all. I'll post more about it later.

They like to go to Barnes and Noble so we went to one down there, and I happened upon a book about forgiveness. It caught my eye because it's something I've been struggling with for over a year (forgiving myself). It's called The Forgiveness Formula by Kathleen Griffin. I started reading it sitting in the Alamo Plaza while my kids were playing in the attractions across the street. I'm liking it so far. It also gives me some more insight into her being able/not able to forgive too. But I'm reading it for me.

Why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves for the mistakes and bad things we've done. We are much more willing to forgive others for their mistakes and the bad things they've done...even when those things have hurt us to the core!

I just got back from a 25 mile ride and I'm headed out to do some more physical activity. I plan on reading more from now on to nurture my mind and learn. The kids went to Texas last night with their mom and won't be back till Sunday or Monday.

This was the first time I've gone to San Antonio without her in nearly 2 decades; it was always a special and fun place for us to go.

I honestly can't think of anything that I wouldn't forgive her for, over time ...so I should be just as willing to forgive myself for the wrongs I've done that hurt others as well as myself. I'm working on it.

TTYL,
antlers

[antlers]

I texted her on Feb. 14 to try and coordinate our Spring Break plans with the kids, and so I could finalize the plans I was making with them. She ignored me.
Later on in the day I texted her again, and mentioned that Spring Break was coming up soon. She texted back she couldn't touch bases with me then, but she would when she had time. I never heard from her about it again.
I provided that info. to my attorney a few days before Spring Break started, and she said we should split the time, with me taking the first half and her taking the second half. She said she would forward that plan to the opposing attorney.
The night before we left when the kids were with her, I asked if she would help them pack for their trip. She said no, "they can do it themselves", and then she told me when she planned on leaving with them! I then asked if she would see to it that they do it themselves...and I never heard from her. The next morning, I had to help them pack...there were some problems because it should have already been done, and we were late getting off.
We went to Fiesta Texas, spent a lot of time on the River Walk, went shopping, ate good food, saw a movie, and they did a lot of things across the street from the Alamo...haunted house, Guinness World Records Museum, Mirror Maze, and we did some sight seeing, etc. We had a pretty good trip.

She gave me no help at all, and didn't help the kids at all to get ready for their trip. They left as soon as we got back from our trip, and they took the clothes that I had packed for them for our trip on the trip with their mom...just like she had planned.

Unreal how mean she is.

As far as forgiving myself, I still feel bad for having hurt the people I cared about the most as much as I did and for as long as I did. She did suffer from my anger, resentment, and emotional/verbal abuse.

So forgiving myself is something I'm still working on. I can't take it back. My future shouldn't have to be defined by my past...should it?


ps - I ran 9 stadiums after my ride this morning. The university here has a big stadium too.