Is see, Puppy. So you think it is just a coincidence that your wife turned around and came back to a nice guy?
My wife responded me when I decided to start DATING, not that you really seem interested in any sort of reasonable discussion on this subject. You seem angry, and are fight-picking, and I'm going to choose to not play your game, Lotus.
Yes, she responded when you started dating, but she knew what she had over the long-term, which was a man who treated her well and was faithful to her. I'm not angry. I do find that people often assume everyone comes from the same relationship background. OIN has stated more than once that for 3 years he did not treat his wife as well as he should have. And the advice just kept coming to be cold to her. I was trying to show that it was not a coincidence that your wife came back because, even if you were being cold in the short-term, she knew she could get her nice guy back.
Everyone's situation is different, and advice should be geared to the individual. Call me angry if you want, I have had a stomachful of the "I'm a man, hear me roar" postings that are all of the boards these days. Many posters advocate treating the wife like a lion, with a whip and a chair, demanding that she dance to his tune. It is demeaning to women who are equal partners in marital relationships.
OIN has stated more than once that for 3 years he did not treat his wife as well as he should have. And the advice just kept coming to be cold to her.
I would have to go back and re-read his thread. I don't remember anyone advising that he be cold to her; in fact, I specifically remember a lot of this discussion being prompted by his own question to all of us about being "lovingly detached" (or "detached love" or something very similar).
Loving detachment is not coldness. My overall DBing philosophy has ALWAYS been one of simultaneously aggressively attacking any infidelity, while making yourself the better option. There's nothing better about being cold, rude, a dick or anything else. It's a fine balance, to be sure.
Today was another one of those days where my W pushed all my buttons. I know I should believe 0 percent of what she says but she has once again made implications of leaving. She also made some comments with intent to piss me off. I admit I almost lost my cool but I held it together.
There has been hints of positive today but when my own wife pulls away from me like I am a complete stranger when I simply try to pick lint off her shirt makes me feel terrible.
Is this "normal" behavior of a WOW? It is like she has become bi polar sometimes It is good considering the situation and other times she is so cold and distant....based on the history and info I shared up to this point, can this still be saved?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Don't worry this is all typical for the WAS. If they see you walking down the street, they'll cross the street so that you don't accidentally touch them. Crazy thinking.
Rather than letting her get to her, start thinking of her as less you W and more like someone who has a mental illness. It helped me. I started imagining my W like the homeless guy down the corner who just mutters to himself all day.
It made things much more tolerable. Take control to make your life happy again. Your happiness isn't controlled by her actions.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
No lol. It was actually something smeared on her face that she was eating she failed to get it the first 3 attempts so I thought I would help, was not thinking of the whole pursuit thing but rather my wife had something on her and I was ledning assistance.
It is very odd as I stated b4, I get mixed signals. I am learning to remain neutral in both positive and negative situations today was a though one.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
