Heehee... you three (Rob, Puppy, Cutter)... just happen to be three of my favorite marshmallows... even when you are sometimes pretty crispy on the outside...LOL
Cool! It's good to know I'm toast!
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I've sat and read this for the last few hours, and doggone it I wanna hear some UPdates?
My W "only" had a pa on her first outing 15 years ago. The last 2 she's gone solo, but not only is she a WAW, but seems to have an MLC working and a PMBF, along withe perhaps a BPD going.
I'm not sure how she'd take any of this boundary talk, cuz connecting the dots is not what these folks do very well.
She's picked up, packed up and filed for a D and then gets upset if I don't call. Illogical, irrational, insane behavior. Now that she's moved again, 200 miles away, she calls every night. WTH?
But I do know I am ready to get off the carousal. I don't know whether to try and find my nads or to let this ride until the D is done and then go...what's after dark?
I know for the WAS in the middle/end of MLC it may be different, but for the LBS it is still very much the same!
quick update as I just noticed someone updated this thread:
- my wife is in counseling for herself, - I won't go to marriage counseling until I see some real improvements on her end, there are some improvements but they're slow - we go on dates occasionally but not too often and I let her know that she shouldn't read anything into them - I don't want her back home yet, I won't settle for less than what I want and she knows this - she has started revealing information about one of her affairs, the lesser of the two "evils", she is still holding back info on the first one - I'm not forcing her to reveal anything, she is slowly revealing bits and pieces voluntarily - before I would entertain taking her back, I would want to make sure her changes are real, - I still continue to work on myself and live a very good life - I'm cool, calm and very confident - I'm like that guy from the DOS EQUIS commercials (life really is more fun when you adopt that attitude) - my wife says that my attitude is really sexy (mind you she says alot of complimentary things lately towards me, another 180) and is always touching me, hugging me, rubbing my shoulders, she tends to make alot of physical contact which is a 180 for her, previously during our marriage this never happened at all - she is becoming a better mom to our kids and I've noticed this and told her that regularly, again another 180 for her - she texts me numerous times a day (read that as too many) and it's literally annoying - she knows I was serious about moving on with my life and not waiting for her anymore and she has literally doubled her efforts to show me she wants to be my wife and wants her family back - she has tried to "tag" me with sex numerous times just like back in the old days because it worked back then and now I recognize her attempts and tests and I just smile and acknowledge what she's trying to do and let her know that if I wanted just sex, I could have "just sex" with anyone and she knows it
there are so many things I could say but in the end, crisis & fear of loss motivates people to action, it's a little sad that this is usually the only thing that motivates people to move to action but when you accept reality for what it is, you have to accept human nature for what it is and when you can just accept it instead of trying to rationalize it with your morals and ethics, you will find just as I have found in my own situation that fighting reality moves you backwards, not forwards so just accept reality and use it, reality works because it's reality and everything else isn't
quick update as I just noticed someone updated this thread:
- my wife is in counseling for herself, - I won't go to marriage counseling until I see some real improvements on her end, there are some improvements but they're slow - we go on dates occasionally but not too often and I let her know that she shouldn't read anything into them - I don't want her back home yet, I won't settle for less than what I want and she knows this - she has started revealing information about one of her affairs, the lesser of the two "evils", she is still holding back info on the first one - I'm not forcing her to reveal anything, she is slowly revealing bits and pieces voluntarily - before I would entertain taking her back, I would want to make sure her changes are real, - I still continue to work on myself and live a very good life - I'm cool, calm and very confident - I'm like that guy from the DOS EQUIS commercials (life really is more fun when you adopt that attitude) - my wife says that my attitude is really sexy (mind you she says alot of complimentary things lately towards me, another 180) and is always touching me, hugging me, rubbing my shoulders, she tends to make alot of physical contact which is a 180 for her, previously during our marriage this never happened at all - she is becoming a better mom to our kids and I've noticed this and told her that regularly, again another 180 for her - she texts me numerous times a day (read that as too many) and it's literally annoying - she knows I was serious about moving on with my life and not waiting for her anymore and she has literally doubled her efforts to show me she wants to be my wife and wants her family back - she has tried to "tag" me with sex numerous times just like back in the old days because it worked back then and now I recognize her attempts and tests and I just smile and acknowledge what she's trying to do and let her know that if I wanted just sex, I could have "just sex" with anyone and she knows it
there are so many things I could say but in the end, crisis & fear of loss motivates people to action, it's a little sad that this is usually the only thing that motivates people to move to action but when you accept reality for what it is, you have to accept human nature for what it is and when you can just accept it instead of trying to rationalize it with your morals and ethics, you will find just as I have found in my own situation that fighting reality moves you backwards, not forwards so just accept reality and use it, reality works because it's reality and everything else isn't
congrats rob. what a turn around. I hope to get where you are soon but with patience. I am working on my goals and although I still vent on here i'm trying to stay true to my boundaries.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
