Kalni...if you don't mind, I'm stealing from YOUR thread:
Originally Posted By: Kalni
The rest 5% I am a bitch!! (that's the % I enjoy most).
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I wonder if science has a way of containing and weaponizing this.
It has: meet my STBXW. You need the bomb suit in The Hurt Locker. Cheers. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
To all...I am not proud to be a soon-to-be divorcee. Although I look forward to getting this done, the finality will also bring saying goodbye to my children for probably more than half the time.
I find myself in a much better place than I was 4 years ago when I was bombed in May '06, but, I still have a long way to go. So many people here don't realize how lucky they were if their WAS punched out and just left. I'll say it then: you were very lucky.
I spoke to one of my oldest supporters here on the phone last night who has stopped posting here for the most part. I spoke with him from the parking lot of where I work....a place where many phone calls took place in the dark. I reminisced about one call we had on the eve of my trying to arrange a visit with a priest with my STBXW and several of the other attempts to save the M, now, long past and history.
I can't see myself staying here much longer after this is done. It hurts. It becomes the Saragasso Sea or Bermuda triangle: a graveyard of shipwrecks..marriages that hit a reef..unsinkables that strike an iceberg in the night. We married double-hulled wives but the hulls didn't extend to the main deck. We all had what probably amounts to 'standard' marital woes. But the hole in the ship, for them, spilled into one bulkhead, then the next, then the next until we were dragged under too.
I found myself in a little bit of replay this week, asking myself, again, the what if's......
What if.......
What I did this, or that?
Ugh.....I can't do this all over again. What's done is done.
Can anyone believe that I am still living with this woman? Fours years, 3 names that I know of, 2 police phone calls, one contempt of court, and, lest we forget, one load of laundry thrown in front of the litter box to get pee'd on by the cat.
BTW, our cat passed away on 2/27 after 16 1/2 years of being on the job. We lost our greyhound of 13 years 8/01/09. The children lost 2 pets within 6 months.
It has, to say the least, been a painful 4 years.
Originally Posted By: DonH, 2006
It sounds like MLC. I hope you have a lot of patience. This takes a long time.
Indeed, Don, indeed.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I find myself in a much better place than I was 4 years ago when I was bombed in May '06, but, I still have a long way to go. So many people here don't realize how lucky they were if their WAS punched out and just left. I'll say it then: you were very lucky.
I never would have thought that my X's race to divorce me and marry the OW wass a good thing, but I can see thata it was. At least I was set free, not left in limbo forever.
Quote:
Can anyone believe that I am still living with this woman? Fours years, 3 names that I know of, 2 police phone calls, one contempt of court, and, lest we forget, one load of laundry thrown in front of the litter box to get pee'd on by the cat.
You have the patience of a saint. Not sure I could have endured what you have.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
...especially after how $hilty I was treated tonite. I was stood up at S9's cub pack meeting. Never told me she wasn't taking him...kept them out to 8PM when tonite is my night ..kept me from doing his homework until late...never notified. Then, my week in the MBR, she plops herself down on the bed at 8P and opens her PC when I am trying to do my son's HW with him.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I hope you are STILL keeping notes of how she acts my friend... I will personally miss you very much but if you cant keep posting, well, ok, I will accept it
Let's first get you on the other side safe first and then I will try to convince you to keep in touch.. K
...especially after how $hilty I was treated tonite. I was stood up at S9's cub pack meeting. Never told me she wasn't taking him...kept them out to 8PM when tonite is my night ..kept me from doing his homework until late...never notified. Then, my week in the MBR, she plops herself down on the bed at 8P and opens her PC when I am trying to do my son's HW with him.
During and after the marriage, the former spouse could keep me off balance, emotionally cowering and manipulate me. It's not a question of whether it was intentional.. it is a statement of fact.
She blatantly disregarded the agreement in place, did not inform you and acted as if she could do whatever she wanted wherever she wanted. And she did it all.
It isn't that she treated you like a piece of crap. She disrespected the custody agreement, did not inform you of the children's whereabout during your parenting time and violated your agreed upon personal space.
A piece of paper is not going to make her behave.. even though she sounds like a loon.
Document this and send an email to your lawyer. She is breaking the law and agreements.
It's all in how you view yourself.. as the victim or making it right. Goodness knows you've had to deal with years of her increasingly erratic abusive behavior. The time to put in controls is now, before the settlement is signed. Talk to your lawyer about your concerns with her actions and how they may play out in the future. How can you protect your children and yourself.
Mourning the loss of the marriage, the destruction of all happily ever afters, asking what if's is all normal. However, save that until after the battle. One thing that has shone through like the sun on a thousand diamonds is that you're a dedicated loving father and a noble intelligent man.
Let the lawyer be the sword wielding arm, taking directions based on what you need.
Soon, my friend.. soon. And she'll probably get worse before the divorce is final. Look at is as the gustatory cacophony after an all you can eat baked beans and onion buffet. And binge she did. And the quieter it gets, the more it smells.
