"My wife said he'd already told her." "She says she'd rather live alone than with me"
Both statements are script! Don't believe either one. Yes, it hurts...was meant to. Talk to the W. Can you expose anywhere else?
"Every day gets a little better. Time to get back to being myself again. Hardest part is remembering how to be single after 12 years."
Try 24! It is hard so don't be too hard on yourself. Yes! You are on the right track! Detach, GAL, take care of yourself...DBing.
Found this on another thread and it helped me:
What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational * Giving another person "the space" to be herself * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. * Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be." * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
It's done. I took Greek's advice and told her that if OM was too much of a coward to tell his wife that I would. My wife said he'd already told her. So that's done.
No, it's not. She's lying to you. You need to expose this YOURSELF.
I called her. She knew. I asked her to contact me if she had any new information, but I believe my marriage is over regardless. I don't even think I want it anymore.
Thank you everyone for your advice. Wish I'd come on here right away when I'd found out about the affair. I might have kept my wife from leaving.
Broken, There is still much to do so don't ditch us just yet. There is a lot of valuable support on these boards for you. You have some mending to do within yourself, and some growing and some learning...b/c this won't be your last rodeo, if you know what I mean.
And just b/c she says she's done, doesn't mean she is. I've seen that here a lot. Hell, I even said I was done and look where I am (thanks God!).
Here to help. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Don't mean to hijack but I would love more analysis of my sitch from all of you wonderful people. I can't thank you all enough for sharing your knowledge and your honesty with everyone on this board. My W and I are about 3 months from D being final. Check out my sitch in the link below. Sandi2 has been helping and she is FABULOUS but could always use more eyes, ideas and encouragement from all of you.
Thanks,
Ken
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Weirdness. W emailed me this morning to see how I was doing. (I emailed her last night at work to ask if she could let the dogs out Wed night - plans w/coworkers. I'm not going to e-mail her personal account anymore.) I replied, "good." I left the papers on the table for her to sign to divide the checking accounts.
Also, oddly enough, got asked out to drinks with a female friend going through a simliar situation. Feels good, helping me GAL. I'm sure it's nothing more than friends (misery loves company), but knowing there's more fish in the sea is helping me move on in my mind.
If, after time, W wants to come back and work on it I'll be open, but not even sure that's what I'd want right now after all the lies. (Okay, that's a lie on my part. Right now I'd do it, but sloooowly and with counseling - a DIFFERENT counselor!)
