Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[mindfull]

Hey, Miss Innocent...

Do you know what you need to do?

Give yourself a reasonable deadline to reconsider your options, let stuff just "be" for awhile,
be YOU, not the you that MIGHT affect WAH

And, take good notes. Take the pressure off of "the prize".

You are a superb catch! Have your fun, be you, enjoy that little guy, and re-evaluate then! THIS is a terrible distraction...

I'm afraid you're going to end up like me (at the end of 2009), robotic(esque), "voice" paralyzed by NOT speaking up about R for almost a year, and suddenly fearful of a a negative response.

I'll talk to you in the alt, but GNO has been guiding me a bit, and it's a start, that's starting to look up.

HUGS

[chatterbug]

Newmama. I have sent a friend your way.... Listen to her.

[WhatNow]

I didn't mean NC nm. Just change things up. Maybe make him work a bit harder.

For example: Don't be cheerful and pleasant. That will be difficult for you b/c it ooozes out of you!

You are right, you don't want to force anything. You do not have to be happy with him and his behavior either. What would he miss most about you that he is still getting? Friendship?
I am just suggesting you 180 a few things, or 1!

Stop looking for signs! Be ready for BOTH possibilities.

If he wants to come home, what would you say?
Go live alone for awhile? (IMHO a good idea so you don't have to watch any withdrawal stuff)
MC to explore the possibility of him coming home?
Don't make it easy for him.

[newmama]

Thank you all for not getting annoyed with me for being defensive!

I know what I will do if he wants to file. I will remind him that I was willing to make our marriage better than before and this is 100% his choice. Tell him I will let him have one day to get the stuff he wants while I take S with me to a friend's. Tell him we are not friends, just co-parents.That we need to exchange S like every other divorced couple. That I don't want to live in the house (it's in his name) so I will be moving out by 3 months from now. I think that's it.

Well I am reluctant to change much more because I have been occupying myself and receiving more effort on his part. So shouldn't I be doing more of the same? And
please remind me why/how it could be beneficial to not act pleasant but be Spock like. What will I be looking for from WH?

Remember-I observed these changes in WH I think starting about 3 weeks ago but of course last week had the cancer scare. So I am saying 2 weeks. I think I should live in Latin America or Hawaii or something because they move at a slower pace and everyone else here seems to be in more of a hurry than I am! lol which is 180 for me but that was before I met you all.

About him wanting to come home- I will think about it. There are cons to living apart after an A has recently ended.

[courageous wife]

NM- did something happen or are just setting some deadlines?

[newmama]

CW I just have been thinking is all- WH pissed me off with his cancer scare (I am really sorry to say that to you, a cancer survivor!) and then I have been alone with S for 5 days now minus 2 hours.

And just have a peaceful feeling for some reason. Am feeling optimistic! ???? my gut is telling me something.

[courageous wife]

Ok good! I didn't go back and read everything and was worried by your last post! What is it they say about a woman's intuition?? I really hope you are right!!!

[flowmom]

NM, trust your instincts. If the limbo isn't driving you nuts, then it shouldn't be driving us nuts. Let's find out what's brewing. You're right that there have been changes and I think that you are right to be patient and figure out what they mean, because it's not clear yet. You have a deadline and I think that's wise. That's exactly what my IC just recommended for me - to pick my own deadline and stick to it. And you are making changes...your H will pick up on them, subconsciously at least. Hugs!

[newmama]

Thanks Flowmom! I just read a fabulous NC letter that Allen posted on mb28's thread. So, I am thinking that (and I am scared to say the month in case I chicken out) I will go until maybe May, then try the NC letter before just up and asking for an ultimatum or D. Because I need 3 months to find a place and don't want to do it when I am trying to deal with the beginning of the school year.

The timing sucks- if I didn't have S I would have done it way sooner (actually I probably would have D'd and then regretted it), BUT life is not neat and tidy! I also honestly do not believe that if I went NC it would guarantee an end to the A but it would be more of a step closer to D.

Sorry to keep repeating myself!

[newmama]

If the limbo isn't driving you nuts, then it shouldn't be driving us nuts.

Thanks Flowmom! Exactly! It's not like I am getting more depressed or going crazy because of it (YET). So I think it means I can "handle" it for longer.

I just read a fabulous NC letter that Allen posted on mb28's thread. So, I am thinking that (and I am scared to say the month in case I chicken out) I will go until maybe May, then try the NC letter before just up and asking for an ultimatum or D. Because I need 3 months to find a place and don't want to do it when I am trying to deal with the beginning of the school year.

The timing sucks- if I didn't have S I would have done it way sooner (actually I probably would have D'd and then regretted it), BUT life is not neat and tidy! I also honestly do not believe that if I went NC it would guarantee an end to the A but it would be more of a step closer to D.

Sorry to keep repeating myself!