Keep Moving Forward

[Gardener]

gima,

From the blog of Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup:

"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with."

Susan J. Elliott

[givingitmyall]

gima,

From the blog of Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup:

"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with."

Susan J. Elliott

I saw that on your thread. The hard part is admitting to myself that THAT woman has been gone for a while. And, realizing she could be someone she really wasn't for many years.

So, the difficulty is in realizing that a large part of my M was really just a lie. That's being a bit over the top, but it's true.

[Gardener]

gima,

I saw that on your thread. The hard part is admitting to myself that THAT woman has been gone for a while. And, realizing she could be someone she really wasn't for many years.

So, the difficulty is in realizing that a large part of my M was really just a lie. That's being a bit over the top, but it's true.

I dunno, gima. Like most of us here, we didn't notice them slowly leaving until it was very obvious and/or too late.

As for it being a lie, we're each responsible for our own actions only. And we're not mind readers. Were your approaches, attitudes, behaviors in your marriage lies? I think not. You are too honest and genuine.

So, although I hear (the depths of) where you're coming from, I'd have to say, "No, gima, your marriage was not a lie."

Goodnight.

[iwantittowork]

So, the difficulty is in realizing that a large part of my M was really just a lie. That's being a bit over the top, but it's true.

Wow, I was thinking this same thing this weekend, and I even (inappropriately, I know, so put away the 2x4's) told this to stbxw when talking with her this past weekend.

I think that we also were untrue to ourselves a bit also, so we are not without blame, it just seems to suck more when you realize it from both sides.

Certainly from my "Nice Guy" traits, that is true. Now trying not to beat myself up over it so much, and work on changing for the better..

[Coach]

Cesco,The kids don't know. Its going to be VERY hard telling them.

Your wife should tell them with you present so she doesn't try a "weasel;"

Oh yeah, this is her responsibility. Don't you dare be a nice guy and rescue her from this.

[givingitmyall]

Cesco,The kids don't know. Its going to be VERY hard telling them.

Your wife should tell them with you present so she doesn't try a "weasel;"

Oh yeah, this is her responsibility. Don't you dare be a nice guy and rescue her from this.

Hey man, I hope you know me well enough by now to know I am not telling them. I have already told W this is her decision, so she's going to tell the kids - with me present, of course.

[mishka422]

How long is she planning on waiting to drop this on them? The day someone is actually moving out???? The kids need time to cope with this.

[givingitmyall]

We haven't talked about that yet and I would like to hear everyone's opinion of the timing on this.

[Cadet]

Does she have a move out day?

I think she is confused and may not tell them at all. Why would a teenager want to tell her kids something that an adult should be saying. This confusion is actually a good thing GIMA.
I know you don't get that but believe me confusion is good!

Stay the course. Don't do any of her lifting. You will be fine.

[motherof3]

GIMA,

IMHO the kids already suspect something is going on. They are more intuitive than you would think, even at a young age.

As far as timing in when to tell them. The time is never going to be 'right'. But they do need to time absorb it all before a significant change is made.

In my sitch, we announced the separation to the kids when evidence of the move became apparent such as the packing up of boxes. The timing was about 2 weeks prior to H moving out.