ACJ, That sounds like a bad combination that could combust at any moment. Oh, well, it is his problem
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It no longer allows you to be a scapegoat or a doormat for your ML'er. He has to to find another person for this job, and usually it is the OW/OM. It makes the Ml'er look within, hopefully. I wish that I would have gone dark at the very beginning, but hindsight is 20/20.
This is interesting insight. I have talked to the LBW of the OM a numbe of times and we came to conclusion that the longer they had us angry and bitter the more it justified their behavior and the longer it would be before they might have any guilt over their actions.
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
I remember reading the book - and the threads about going dark.. it was so scarey to me. AND I tried.. but I don't think I did it right. I did it to "prove" something.. now I do it for me. Like you said earlier T-
The journey that we are all on is individual. Each at his/her own pace.. but it is interesting to me how each one of us find ourselves in the same place as the other at some point.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I remain dark as much as possible because I don't like the person my XH has become. I wouldn't dream of entering into a new relationship (romantic or otherwise) with anyone else who exhibits behaviour like him so why would I treat him any differently?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
People wear masks, that, over time, require too much energy to keep on. When they learn that we are unable to fulfill their needs, the mask comes off and the anger sets in.
It is never easy feeling betrayed. It hurts to feel love withdrawn and given to someone else. But life is difficult. We expect it not to be which is unrealistic. It is best to record this as part of your history. File it and place it on the bookshelf of your life as another chapter in your being, and, move forward. You cannot control another person. Therefore, carpe diem and start anew.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Whenever I feel myself getting down about my situation, I repeat to myself to "move forward". For some reason this has helped me tremendously. Enough time has been wasted thinking about ex and worrying about what his next move is. I know that in my next relationship, I will be so much better and stronger.
My ex came and picked up my daughter last night. I was in the back on the deck and he has to drive behind the house to come into the subdivision. For one momemt in time our eyes locked, and he had this horrible scowl on his face. In the past this would have really bothered me. It has no meaning now.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
OH I love watching you grow!! LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Why? First it makes me so very happy for you!! SO VERY HAPPY! And yes - the montra "move forward - move forward" it is a song i sing when i get stuck.
SECOND - it gives me hope!!! thank you for always sharing so openly and honestly!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I love this thread. I have been divorced for 5 mos and 6.5 mos since the bomb and discovery of the affair.
Its been tough but me and the OM's ex wife stay in touch and regularly and agree that it gets easier easier easier every day. Its impossible not to be stronger as a result of this and be a better person if we'll allow ourselves.
Its so funny in a way because I used to feel so ashamed because my ex had an affair but now its a pretty open topic with me that I discuss freely. I don't offer it up but if the subject comes up of the divorce and why I just say "Hey, she decided that life sucked with me and that there was a better way forward. Her answer was to have an affair and since that wasn't part of the agreement I signed when we stood in front of God, Family, and Friends and made our vows we got divorced. Then, I shrug my shoulders and simply point out that you can't control everything around you in life and you certainly can't control the actions and decisions of others. Further, you can't protect people fromt hemselves if they are hell bent for making a bad decision so be it. March forward, seize the day, and repeat those good things that made you the person you are that people know and love and throw out those things that you've allowed to be a negative influence and distraction to you.
My 2 cents.
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
Elscoto, Me too! I had dinner with the OW's ex a week ago and we compared notes. Very interesting. OW is a narcissist and a "chameleon" and very money-driven. Happy days ahead for him, I'm certain (s
Anyway....loved what you posted and btw, I grew up in Belleville, IL. Do you have your own thread? Mine began last June and is on here somewhere.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
"Hey, she decided that life sucked with me and that there was a better way forward. Her answer was to have an affair and since that wasn't part of the agreement I signed when we stood in front of God, Family, and Friends and made our vows we got divorced.
UGH! Cut that response (hijacking). If you plan on using that line with your next date, you might as well stay celibate for the rest of your life. (????)
How about: We were married x years; we had x kids and it didn't work out but it was an excellent experience.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
