Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[WhatNow]

nm, I would not try to read anything into who H asked to be with him. It would be mindreading. The possibilities are endless.

He didn't ask you b/c he is afraid you would say no, is my guess, but no one can guess, and you can't tell "where you stand" based on anything he is doing right now. I know you already know that!

Today is new day!

[P17]

He didn't ask you b/c he is afraid you would say no, is my guess, but no one can guess, and you can't tell "where you stand" based on anything he is doing right now. I know you already know that!

When you do stop and say "it doesn't matter where I stand with him, I want to know where I stand with me"?

He isn't thinking clearly right now. We all get that. But there has to come a point when that no longer can be the LBS's problem.

[newmama]

P you are right. I know where I stand with me-not ready for a divorce. I am in limbo and I think it is normal for this kind of situation (big C scare) to make anyone speculate about their spouse and feel rejected yet AGAIN for not being asked to go when I offered.

Still I need a place to vent, even if means mind reading! And I know I could write it in a journal. But I do want help from time to time!

So I want to post something today and hopefully by doing so, can move on from it:

WH texted to say he was sore and wouldn't be able to visit S for awhile. He is checking with his dr. to see what she says aboout driving. I think this is excellent because if he was home with me, he wouldn't have to go a week without seeing his bundle of joy!

And one more thing-I think I saw somewhere that he won't be able to "do the deed" (or the w----) for 3 weeks? So it will be interesting to see what happens when they don't share that together...and if abstinence clears his head!

Last, my goal is first to bust the divorce but I know that WH is still having an A. I can't do anything more to end the A. That is up to him.If he ends the A before I lose my patience, please know that I am not going to accept him with open arms and no consequences! That is a whole other thread!

It really is up to me for how long I will wait. And I do not have to set a deadline. I will know when I'm ready!:-)

SO now that this cancer scare is over with, I will be back to GAL and I am ready to not worry what he thinks of me. BUT I will still curious about what he's thinking although I'm past obsession now. It will be more like a wandering thought every now and then.

[newmama]

I feel like taking S to the coast today! I wish I had someone to go with us though!Anyone want to fly out? lol

[P17]

P you are right. I know where I stand with me-not ready for a divorce. I am in limbo and I think it is normal for this kind of situation (big C scare) to make anyone speculate about their spouse and feel rejected yet AGAIN for not being asked to go when I offered.

Newmama, I feel a sh*t for saying what I did. I feel like I'm bursting your bubble but I feel I need to say it for your sake. Remember it was me, you, Cutter (as he was then) and DbD all in here on our ownsome posting on each others threads. We've come through this with you from the start and I will only speak for myself here but I really do care about what is going on between you and WH to the extent (believe it or not) I actually had a rotten night's sleep thinking about your sitch (not looking for sympathy - just a fact!). That makes it all the more difficult to say it.

However, it does need to be said, out of caring and not out of vindictiveness. And to quash any question of something posted yesterday, my heart is not closed or bitter.

WH texted to say he was sore and wouldn't be able to visit S for awhile. He is checking with his dr. to see what she says aboout driving. I think this is excellent because if he was home with me, he wouldn't have to go a week without seeing his bundle of joy!

That is good. He may see that his actions have consequences.

And one more thing-I think I saw somewhere that he won't be able to "do the deed" (or the w----) for 3 weeks? So it will be interesting to see what happens when they don't share that together...and if abstinence clears his head!

If WH has had it removed, he won't be doing much of anything (driving, walking, sitting or the other) for quite some time - three weeks I would say is a little optimistic!

Last, my goal is first to bust the divorce but I know that WH is still having an A. I can't do anything more to end the A.

I actually disagree with that last statement. I think you can stop visitation with S at your home, go dim, dark or pitch black (you choose). Dating? You've mentioned that in the past. There are lots of other things you can try to force him to make a decision either way - remember WAS's are cowards; they generally need to be pushed to make a decision.

Have you measured how far DBing has taken you along the road to busting the D or the A?

It really is up to me for how long I will wait. And I do not have to set a deadline. I will know when I'm ready!:-)

You're absolutely right. Only you know. You're the one on the ground. But make sure you do it before you get bitter or hatred creeps in. These are bad emotions to have for us all.

SO now that this cancer scare is over with, I will be back to GAL and I am ready to not worry what he thinks of me. BUT I will still curious about what he's thinking although I'm past obsession now.

I hope you get to the point where you will stop being curious about what he's thinking altogether. That's when you will truly detach.

And if I had the money, I'd fly out, believe me. You are a good, strong, committed and loyal person and somebody I would want to be in my circle of friends. I hope YOU realise that though.

[flowmom]

Newmama, your H is the father of your child and he will always be a part of your life and someone who you are connected to. You'll probably always think about him.

My father died when I was 3 and my mother told me when I was an adult that she thinks about him every day, even though she abandoned him before he died (she had good reasons).

I hope that you feel comfortable with sharing your thoughts here. You don't have to DB in the forum, this is your safe place to be honest with yourself about where you are on your journey.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey newmama... DB asked me last week to visit.

haven't read your thread, but sending hugs (((Newmama)))

[newmama]

Hi Saint! (hee hee!) If you read my signature you will see the story. They haven't told me to start a new thread so I am keeping this one intact :-)

[newmama]

Newmama, I feel a sh*t for saying what I did. I feel like I'm bursting your bubble but I feel I need to say it for your sake. Remember it was me, you, Cutter (as he was then) and DbD all in here on our ownsome posting on each others threads. We've come through this with you from the start and I will only speak for myself here but I really do care about what is going on between you and WH to the extent (believe it or not) I actually had a rotten night's sleep thinking about your sitch (not looking for sympathy - just a fact!). That makes it all the more difficult to say it.

P, I was not offended! I know you are a tough love friend! I really need to hear all angles and absorb them, even if I don't agree! It brought tears to my eyes to read you couldn't sleep because you were thinking of my sitch! Don't worry- I am tough. Seriously, I won't go into it, but I have had plenty of bumps in my life so I am built to be resilient! (and there are others who had it waaaaay worse so I don't feel sorry for myself- EVER. well okay maybe once in a blue moon lol)

However, it does need to be said, out of caring and not out of vindictiveness. And to quash any question of something posted yesterday, my heart is not closed or bitter.

I hope I didn't say anything like your heart is closed or bitter! I see you as a very loving, caring, generous person! Look at the kind of father you are as well as friend! (and Lady P's boyfriend!)

Quote:

And one more thing-I think I saw somewhere that he won't be able to "do the deed" (or the w----) for 3 weeks? So it will be interesting to see what happens when they don't share that together...and if abstinence clears his head!

If WH has had it removed, he won't be doing much of anything (driving, walking, sitting or the other) for quite some time - three weeks I would say is a little optimistic!

He only had the lump removed! He is able to drive I guess. He will be visiting S tomorrow but he can't lift more than 15 pounds so I can't leave him alone with him.

Quote:

Last, my goal is first to bust the divorce but I know that WH is still having an A. I can't do anything more to end the A.

I actually disagree with that last statement. I think you can stop visitation with S at your home, go dim, dark or pitch black (you choose). Dating? You've mentioned that in the past. There are lots of other things you can try to force him to make a decision either way - remember WAS's are cowards; they generally need to be pushed to make a decision.

I agree that he is a coward. But like I have said from the start and believe every day, when I accept that divorce is okay with me, then I will go dark.

I have thought about the visitation at my house. Poor S would have to be picked up 5:30, driven somewhere, fed, bathed, then driven home and wouldn't be able to go to bed until 8:30. Only every other day. It is better for S if WH comes here and I leave. Which I have done a better job of! Someone suggested getting a babysitter to be present for WH when he arrives but I would still see him when I came back home.

BUt I don't think I can date. My "body" doesn't like that idea! Well I'm sure it would but I'm saying is dating for me doesn't feel right. I am fine with flirting though!wink wink, hubba hubba, hug hug ! (lol)

Have you measured how far DBing has taken you along the road to busting the D or the A?

DBing has helped to stall the D at the minimum. I also have increased my hobbies, gained control over my emotions, and am starting to feel good about myself again.

Stopping the A is NOT something I can do. There are no guarantees. It needs to be his call. I agree that I could "close the bakery." Well, all that is left is me around the house on his day off when he visits. I could tell him that he can take S with him on those days. I'll think about it...

You're absolutely right. Only you know. You're the one on the ground. But make sure you do it before you get bitter or hatred creeps in. These are bad emotions to have for us all.

I will never hate WH. I am weird.

I hope you get to the point where you will stop being curious about what he's thinking altogether. That's when you will truly detach.

Yeah. if we divorce I will! I cannot detach unless I went dark or we divorced.

And if I had the money, I'd fly out, believe me. You are a good, strong, committed and loyal person and somebody I would want to be in my circle of friends. I hope YOU realise that though.

THANK YOU for thinking highly of me! I respect you so much, P! I hope there is a DB convention one day so we can all meet!

[newmama]

FM thanks for encouraging me to feel safe to be honest!!! I know you seem to be able to do it so it inspires me to do the same.