YOU don't start piecing....but I think you know that.
For me....It has slowly progressed to that point. There has been no sit down conversation to this point. My wife basically posted that she knows that she has problems, She needs to work on those problems, that the problems weren't me or the children, and that she wants to rebuild her marriage.
I could push the issue, but what really is the point. I like were we are at currently....we are friends...partners when it comes to the finances, children, and taking care of the house...and slowly the romantic side of the relationship is coming back. So am I piecing...sure.....but I continue to work on myself, as does she, which is really the more important thing.
Remember that moving ahead is work...and if you aren't moving ahead you are stagnant and dieing. So is many things in life.
Thanks kind of what I thought but was just making sure.
Ok not to be dumb then but this website has a piecing board. It seems like there are all sorts of different people on this board. Some are piecing and the spouses are still in their crisis, some are WAS and some are MLC's???
Depends on you....Jack and I have actually discussed that we should move over to the piecing board. Though I don't like to speak for Jack....I think we both feel more at home here. So the choice is yours?
Is there benefit from moving?...probably....but for me I like to be around people who can learn from my experiences. Of course Jack is also here and I think we are both in generally the same spot in regards to our relationships....so that is a big bonus.
She has a blog....more focused on life balance. It was on there that she posted about her mid-life crisis. I would love to post the link....but I want to protect her anonymity. I did post a little exert on Eric's page.
I would say she is in acceptance, but I really don't believe in looking at the stages. Like the Chinese student...I do what is right everyday....knowing that things will be good in the end.
LOL...the wife and I are just internet junkies and I forget that sometimes. All our different websites (except this one) are linked...so she posts in one place and it ends up on all of them...so to me it is just her posting.
Sorry buddy, I DID read your question...but never got around to answering it. Sorry.
BND said it best:
Quote:
You start piecing when both parties want to work at making it right and are committed to that.
And you have no idea how hard it really is. But with great risk, comes great reward. For me it was...many things. Shedding the armor of all I had learned to protect myself. Dark, Dim Validating, avoiding R talks. Everything. Everything you learned, at least for me, had to go by the way side or become modified. Trust...allowing her to rebuild her trust. Allowing myself to trust her. Verifying that trust, which is not the same thing as not trusting her, but to ensure that your trust was well placed.
Hell...man...arguing. Finding out that it was ok to fight and the world wasn't going to fall apart. That I wasn't going to walk away or she wasn't going to slip back into MLC.
I post here, because... I think too many people go into piercing too early, their spouse came back too early or they are too eager. If the LBS is too eager to please the WAS...to forgive when forgiveness isn't sought out... I dunno. My place is here.
: ) Thanks for the nice words Lost.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
J3B no need to say your sorry. I posted it on friday night. You go home for the weekend. That should be priority #1! I was just bumping it up today because I did want someone to answer. Thanks all for great answers. I didn't mean to hijack your doormat thread but I wasn't kidding about having advanced MLC lessons. LOL
Hell...man...arguing. Finding out that it was ok to fight and the world wasn't going to fall apart. That I wasn't going to walk away or she wasn't going to slip back into MLC.
Something I had to learn also.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
