Hi Antlers, I'm doing well this week... just got back from visiting D15 for an extended week-end. She is doing very well & I am proud of the young woman she is continuing to mature into.
Things are progressing along with the D.. I'm taking the parenting children of divorce class as that is required in our state.. after 3 years of counseling & about every self -help book on R's I could get my hands on... it was a bit tough to sit through 6 hours of basic communication, child welfare & conflict resolution.
Financial pieces of the D are finally agreed to & we just need the mediator to write that portion up, have each of our lawyers give them a final look-see at the whole thing & then sign. Once that is done.. my lawyer can get it to a judge & it can be 'done' that same day. ETA for the D.... end of the month.
I am continuing my GAL.. I have recently started my own meetup group (a wine lovers group- sadly lacking in a town of this size), I signed up for a divorce care class through a local 'super-church' that starts in a few weeks, I have some dating profiles up on a few of the free sites, I volunteer at one of the local dog shelters once a week, work out at the gym 3-4x a week, and am active with a couple of women's groups & newcomers group here in town as well.
StBX keeps doing things that reminds me why I needed to get out of that unhealthy R... I keep trying to remember to thank him...
Thanks for stopping by & checking on me. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I don't really fit in 'divorced but not done' as I AM "done".
I'm copying & pasting my last post from WAS here... to provide a bit of context.
====== A lot has happened since I last posted.
I have taken a new job, moved to a new city .. many miles away from friends & family. D15 has decided to stay with StBX where she has friends & is just starting her freshman year. I support her in this choice, but am sad and miss her a great deal.
StBX also has not returned to IC, nor made appointments for us to see MC despite my requests he do so. In discussing this as well as the other marital issues over the past few months we came to a mutual agreement to stay married in name only for financial reasons (family business he runs & college financial aid for S19) and work on ourselves as well as prioritizing trust, emotional safety & the friendship.
Some conditions were put on that: if either of us wished to pursue a R with another we would D 1st... or if there were more physical violence, the D would be filed.
Sadly, the 2nd one materialized before the 1st one. We are seeking lawyers to finalize the agreement.. I"m moving my thread to "Surviving" and working to 'move along' with life.
=== And so here I am...
Do I buy drinks now or wait until the papers are signed?.. Or both?
Peace Bridge
There is never an excuse for physical or sexual abuse, if the man can't control himself and has no issues with physically harming you, the best thing to do for your safety was leaving.
You can start having a drink anytime, I'm glad you're safe now.
Other than waiting on the tax liabilities amount for 2009, it is done.
nice & neatly in 16 pages
The parties agree they have made substantial efforts of reconciliation and agree further conciliation, if ordered would serve no purpose and would be fruitless and should be waived. The parties by execution of this stipulation acknowledge that there has been a breakdown of the marriage relationship to the extent that the legitimate objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains not reasonable likelihood that this marriage can be preserved.
It's really, really hard to be a hopeful person, which I count as one of my main qualities, and sign this.
I am praying for strength today and for God to calm the storm inside me. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I'm sorry, and I understand. None of us are prepared for the level of hurt that we feel regarding the breakup of a marriage. It's deeper and more gut wrenching than most people can imagine, unless they've been through it themselves. The end of our life as we've known it, the loss of our hopes and dreams, and all of the negative emotions that go along with it...the intensity of our emotions is, at times, unbearable.
But people can change, and when they do, it can be remarkable. And I believe that since people can change, then our lives can change too, and when they do, they can be remarkable also!
I will have some good thoughts for you Bridge, and ask for you the same thing that you closed your post with.
antlers
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I HATED signing the Decree. BC I didn't agree with the phrasing.
"BOTH parties agree that the marriage has deteriorated, yada yada yada, to the point where it cannot be restored."
Actually, pal, I thought it COULD be restored, but you refused to even try!! At first I felt like a liar signing it because I didn't believe our marriage could not be restored.
But then I re-framed it in my mind. Because he was NOT willing to make any efforts to change, it was true. Our marriage could not be restored since I was the only one trying. So then I was able to sign it...
But then I re-framed it in my mind. Because he was NOT willing to make any efforts to change, it was true. Our marriage could not be restored since I was the only one trying. So then I was able to sign it...
Hey thanks for stopping by!
Yeah.. I had to do something similar.. while StBXH was 'willing', being able to do the deed and change to the level that provided safety & trust in an intimate relationship was not something he seemed to manage on a consistant basis
As a teacher I guess I fundementally believed that most people, with the exceptions of damage mentally & physically & even then there are amazing feats, when properly motivated are capable of most anything. Him seeming to not be capapble.. really rocked my world and saddened me.
So, as you I reframed.. we tried as best we could given the circumstances.. for one reason or another, willingness or ability.. it was best to part ways to allow growth & recovery for both.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
At first I felt like a liar signing it because I didn't believe our marriage could not be restored.